Blase Cupich Denies Allegations He Is Sane

Image: Goat_Girl

Cardinal Blase Cupich responded to an anonymous letter earlier today accusing him of being sane.

“To say that I am sane is insane,” the American cardinal said. “Yes, I admit it. What sane person would say that protecting the environment is a more important issue than the allegations levelled at the Pope? Seriously, what else would I have had to say to convince you that I’m a complete crackpot? Would I have needed to say that those who are asking the Pope to speak about recent allegations that he knew about the McCarrick situation were only doing so because he is a Latino?”

Cupich went on to say that allegations of him not being a nutbag must be an inside joke by friends, saying that “this is the type of thing they would do.”

“Ah, they’re always breaking my balls, these guys. They know I’m a head case, most of you all know I’m one, but now people are asking my opinion as though I’m all of a sudden gonna say something coherent, but I’m not. I’m not going down the rabbit hole of sanity. Not at this age. I’m gonna stay focused on the environment—I’m gonna stay focused on the redwoods. My high school girlfriend was a redwood.”