Spider Finds Unused Piece Of Real Estate On Catholic Bible To Build New Web

Somerset County, ME––Cherry Cavatica, daughter of famed animal rights activist and spider Charlotte Cavatica, has found a pristine and unused piece of real estate on which to build her new home, the three month old spider is reporting this morning. Cavatica found the 9′ x 6′ inch plot of land just days after having had her home atop a PlayStation game consol unexpectedly dusted... Read More

Ambitious Woman Chooses To Read “Verse In One Year Bible” As New Year’s Resolution

Charlotte, NC––After having failed to finish her One Year Bible for the third consecutive year in a row, Debbie Scholes of Charlotte, North Carolina committed herself yesterday to reading an entire verse from the Bible as her New Year’s resolution, sources confirmed. “She’s tried for years to read the entire Bible in a year, but she always just starts losing momentum... Read More

Man Fondly Remembers Time When A Man Could Read Bible In Public Without Fear Of Being Ridiculed, Beheaded

New Philadelphia––Thinking back to a time long ago, 80-year-old New Philadelphian Gary Walker told his grandchildren that he remembered a time when a man could own a bible without fear of public humiliation and execution. “Oh, I see the skepticism in your faces,” Walker told his grandchildren as he sat in a rocking chair beside the fire. “But believe you me, there... Read More

New Book Highlights “Systematic Oppression, Degradation” Of Women In Bible

Washington, DC––Fresh off her groundbreaking sermon denouncing “the misogynist St. Paul” for depriving the demoniac girl of her spiritual gifts in Acts 16:16, Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church Reverend Katharine Jefferts Schori has published another landmark piece of scriptural exegesis.  In a new set of essays entitled The Great Amend, Schori highlights the systematic... Read More

Man In Search Of Answers Closes Eyes, Flips Through Bible, Says “Stop,” “Left Page,” “Right Column”

Bowling Green, KY––It was reported earlier this morning that 31-year-old Alvin Rush, who just hours ago left a job interview, recently sat down to pray about his future before giving up, and picking up a Bible to flip through at random for an answer. A longtime friend of Rush, Jerry Rodgers, told Eye of the Tiber that Rush had dwelt about the job for hours before finally deciding to spend... Read More

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