Pope Francis Gets Last F-Bomb Out Of System before Giving Up Cussing For Lent
VATICAN–His Holiness Pope Francis shocked the world today during a Papal Audience when he let one last F-Bomb fly before giving up cursing for Lent. “Those of us who are attached to the pleasures of this world, such as gambling, amassing wealth, or being addicted to having [expletive]…I mean, having fun…must make an effort this holy season of Lent to put aside the pleasures... Read More
Pope Francis Apologizes For Prank Video Message To Evangelicals
Pope Francis is apologizing this morning after it was revealed that a video of the Pontiff calling for “communion” with Protestant communities was actually a prank. In a candid video taken from an iPhone earlier this morning, Francis expressed regret for the video sent to a recent gathering of Charismatic and Pentecostal ministers hosted by Kenneth Copeland, in which he stated that he desired... Read More
Pope’s Peace Doves Attacked By Metaphors
VATICAN–In a gesture at the Vatican’s annual “Caravan of Peace,” Pope Francis happily watched as two children at his side released a pair of white doves as symbols of peace and unity from the window of the Apostolic Palace. But just moments later, two metaphors, one, of the world’s unwillingness for dialogue, and the second, its utter hostility at the thought of compromise... Read More
Pope Encourages Women To Reveal Breasts In Sistine Chapel, Feminist Newspaper Reports
January 13, 2014 by Admin
Filed under Libs & Trads
VATICAN––“He is 77, celibate, and the Vicar of Christ; a role which, up until his papacy, was known for its prudishness,” Evi Quinn, journalist for the feminist newspaper The Revolution wrote this morning. “But Pope Francis has been quickly evolving the papacy into a more liberal and open-minded position in the Catholic Church, becoming an improbable leader of public nudity, encouraging... Read More
Pope Francis Aides Conspired to Snarl Communion Line Traffic in Basilica of Cardinal Who Did Not Cast Vote for Him
VATICAN––It was revealed today that senior assistants to Pope Francis conspired to snarl lines for Holy Communion in the basilica of a “rival Cardinal.” In an EOTT exclusive, an anonymous source said that some of Pope Francis’ top aides remained bitter toward supporters of an undisclosed papal candidate who came close to being elected at the March 2013 conclave. Information leaked... Read More