Ancient Manuscript Reveals Adam Had Midlife Crisis At Age 452

January 2, 2014 by  
Filed under Parish Life

PAP

JERUSALEM–A recently discovered piece of papyrus unearthed by a Tel Aviv University researcher has revealed that Adam, the Old Testament patriarch who is said to have lived for 930 years, may have suffered a severe midlife crisis at the age of 452. Tel Aviv University professor Beyamin Zimmermann says he has found an ancient papyrus fragment that appears to indicate that Adam showed symptoms of a midlife crisis, including a portion that mentions that he may have purchased a fast and flashy camel. The portion of the manuscript that is drawing attention says, “So when Adam saw that his life’s span may have been more than halfway over, and that much of the grey had overtaken his head, he saw a camel of much speed and it brought delight to his eyes. Desiring, therefore, to make use of it, that he may take to the open desert, he didst purchase the camel and ride; and he also, seeing the grey that had overtaken his head, took unto himself fists of pomegranate with which, after crushing into paste, didst smear upon his head to change the color. And upon seeing all this, he was pleased, but Eve, seeing the same, was very much displeased.” “This is obviously a remarkable find,” Zimmermann told EOTT via Skype this morning. “That even the first man struggled with symptoms of a crisis triggered by transitions experienced in the later years of life, called Andropause or Menopause, is amazing. We know, by the accounts in Genesis that because of the first sin, woman’s pangs during child birth would increase, and I think we can now safely assume that man, because of that same sin, would have to suffer the reality that he would grow old and lose his hair and consequently have to compensate in other ways.

  • So what did Adam do, run out and buy a Harley and a Corvette when he turned 452 years old?

    • Adam Hovey

      I did not!

      • Sams_1

        If you do Hovey…can you take me through Appalachia this fall

  • Wildgraywolf

    I’m betting that’s how alcohol got invented.