People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Creepy Clown Masses On The Rise

Image: Graeme Maclean Reports out of Cincinnati, Ohio today suggest sightings of Creepy Clown Masses are on the rise nationwide, and at levels not seen since the introduction of the 3rd typical edition of the Roman Missal five years ago. While... Read More

Folk Mass Band Upset Over Masses Interrupting Their Concerts

Yonkers, NY––Blake Jennings, lead guitarist at St. Therese Parish in Yonkers, New York is outraged over what he calls “years of concerts being interrupted by the Mass.” The 56-year-old accountant and father of three has played... Read More

Man Goes To Mass To Seek Out Intimate Encounter With Neighbor

Explaining how forcefully and extensively the centrality of an intimate encounter with the person of our neighbor is to the spiritual life, local Catholic Jonathan Duggan invited friends to Mass this morning so that they too could experience the... Read More

Catholic Cyborgs Being Developed To Help Fill Churches

The Congregation for the Development of Mechanical Persons (CDMP) announced today that they have successfully developed their first batch of cyborg parishioners to help fill pews. The exciting news comes as the Church struggles with a world-wide... Read More

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Libs & Trads

St. Clare Press Ready To Publish New Non-confrontational Translation Of Bible

Cincinnati, OH––Catholic book publisher and distributer St. Clare Press announced today that their new non-confrontational translation of the Bible will be... Read More

Pelosi Excommunicates Cordileone

Washington, DC––In an astonishing move today, Minority Leader of the House of Representatives and Mouthpiece of God in the United States Nancy Pelosi has excommunicated... Read More

Weird Sedevacantist Group Apparently Still Waiting for Messiah

  Telling those gathered at the annual Confederation of Ultra Traditionalists that they would not recognize the authority of the pope until he acknowledged... Read More

“Yeah, You’re Going To Hell,” SSPX Priest Tells 12-Year-Old Penitent

Local Society of St. Pius X priest Father Marvin McDonald informed 12-year-old parishioner Timmy Seibel that he was, “without a doubt,” going to hell for hitting... Read More

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Politics

Fr. Frank Pavone Accidentally Named Supreme Court Nominee After Obama Inadvertently Picks Up Wrong File From Desk

Image: Wiki Commons Catholic priest and pro-life activist Fr. Frank Pavone... Read More

Tensions Escalate As North Korea Threatens To Deploy LCWR Nuns On West

Defense Secretary James Mattis is calling North Korea’s threat to use... Read More

New Federal HHS Mandate To Force Protestant Business Owners To Pray To Mary Against Their Consciences

Washington, DC––Horizon Baptist College in Washington, DC has become... Read More

Francis Strategically Substitutes Word “Environment” For “Abortion” At Public Address At White House

Credit: Malacañang Photo Bureau In a strategic attempt to speak about... Read More

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Vatican

Francis Hit With Tranquilizer Dart By Swiss Guard Seconds After Putting Down Scripted Statement To Speak Off-Cuff

Photo: AndrewHermez   Pope Francis was hit with a tranquilizer dart this afternoon just... Read More

Francis Declares Plane Interviews New Authoritative Form Of Magisterial Teaching

Pope Francis gave a press conference on his flight back to Rome Thursday, declaring... Read More

Synod On The Family Admits New ‘Caitlyn’ Jenner Vanity Fair Cover ‘A Game Changer’

Members of the Synod on the Family scrambled to meet today to discuss what some... Read More

Many Disappointed First-Ever Black, Jewish, Woman, Lesbian Pope Not Elected

  A Catholic Argentinian Man VATICAN–Sadness and a general sense of ennui... Read More

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