Nuns That Started Christian Rock Band Somehow Considered Inspiring

December 13, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

  The new all-nun rock band known as “Guns N’ Rosaries” took the stage yesterday in front of a packed house at St. John of the Cross Catholic Church where they, for some unfathomable reason, inspired all those in attendance. The Bolivian nuns, who, let’s be serious here for a minute, are kinda embarrassing to watch and to listen to because it’s weird watching nuns pretending to be rock stars in the same way that it would be weird watching... Read More

New Research May Prove Santa Was Inspiration For Fabled Third-Century Saint

December 6, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

  After close to a decade of research, historians from the University of America announced Wednesday that the fabled third-century saint, known to many as St. Nicholas, was actually a “sort of devolution” on the present day character of Santa Clause. “What we believe is that the Santa Clause we all know and believe in today actually inspired legends that would be told during Advent about a saint who supposedly lived around 1,700 years ago,”... Read More

Man Who Didn’t Applaud After Homily Called To Front Of Church To Answer For Himself

November 29, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Image_Evan-Amos   Longtime parishioner of St. Gertrude Catholic Church Stewart Donaldson is being accused of insensitivity and for “not being a team player” after he was seen not clapping after the church’s pastor concluded his homily last Sunday. Donaldson’s refusal to applaud after the homily was seen by many in the parish, including Fr. James Thomas who delivered the homily, as a slap in the face. Donaldson was subsequently called to the... Read More

Catholic Costume Stores Across Country Reveal Most Popular Halloween Costume Is Slutty Mark Shea

October 31, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

  As time runs out to pick the perfect Halloween costume, costume stores across the country have confirmed that this year’s most popular Catholic costume is a slutty Mark Shea. Employees of Seattle’s Halloween Express are working overtime to keep the shelves stocked for last minute shoppers. “It’s been insane this year crazy,” Halloween Express owner Tom Weaver told EOTT. “Slut is in. Everything from slutty Marty Haugen... Read More

Following Mark Wahlberg’s lead, Kevin James asks God to forgive him for “Paul Blart: Mall Cop”

October 25, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

  Just days after actor Mark Wahlberg statement that he regretted portraying a porn star in Boogie Nights, fellow Catholic actor Kevin James announced today that he hopes God wouldn’t hold the movie Paul Blart: Mall Cop against him. James told EOTT this afternoon that he hopes “that God is not a movie fan and also forgiving” because he says he’s made some “poor choices” over the years. Among those movies James listed were,... Read More

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