Parishioners Pick Churchy McChurchy Face As Name Of New Parish

May 22, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Image: Andrew Hermiz

Image: Andrew Hermiz   Parishioners are embracing a bishop’s call, allowing them to choose the name of a new Catholic church in their diocese. With the final round of online voting set to close Friday, Churchy McChurchy Face has more than twice the votes of any other potential name. As of Monday, Churchy McChurchy Face leads the pack of suggestions with nearly 17,000 votes, well ahead of Our Lady of Medjugorje Catholic Church and Trump... Read More

Loser Still Using Last Year’s Rosary Model

May 18, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life


  43-year-old Arnold Corea told friends last night that, though he was shamefully still using last year’s rosary model, he planned to upgrade this fall when the new Rosary Pro 7 was released. “The thing is is that I’m still under contract with my rosary, and though it doesn’t have all the bells and whistles the newer model has, it still does the job,” he said, going on to defend himself saying that his older model still gets him from “A... Read More

Homeschool Mom Convinced Son Has Vocation to Papacy

May 11, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Image:Vitold Muratov

Image:Vitold Muratov   Local homeschool mom Candice Sheehy announced to friends early this morning that she believed that her son Thomas may have a calling to the papacy, friends reported last night. the 42-year-old mother of nine told friends that, though she believed all of her children were either being called to the religious life or martyrdom, Thomas stood out in a different way. “All nine of my kids obviously pray the rosary three times... Read More

Attention Whore Kneels To Receive Communion

April 21, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Image: Paterm

Image: Paterm Parishioners in the Southwest Indiana confirmed today that new parishioner Adriana Lambert is nothing more than a holier-than-thou, attention seeking parasite after she was seen kneeling to receive communion. According to several eyewitnesses, 32-year-old Lambert, who was also seen wearing a mantilla “like some wanna be nun who didn’t have the guts to commit to the religious life” walked up to Fr. Kevin O’Donnell... Read More

Man Left With No Option But To Attend Spanish Mass

April 20, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Mexican Dance

  After spending nearly an hour online trying to find a Mass to attend after his flight lands Sunday evening, Timothy Brown of La Jolla, California came to terms this morning with the unhappy realization that he had no other option but to attend the Spanish Mass. “I mean, listen, I know Mass is Mass no matter the language, but I’d just prefer English,” Brown told EOTT. “Don’t get me wrong, I love Mexicans…they’re great and they have... Read More

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