Possible Liturgical Wreckage Spotted In Search For Missing Tabernacle

March 20, 2014 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

Austin, TX–Norwegian has become one of the first men to reach the area where possible debris from the missing tabernacle at St. Jude Catholic Church was spotted yesterday.

The man arrived at the search zone near the janitors stock room after several parishioners noticed skid marks on the ground leading from the sanctuary to a closet located directly near the restroom. St. Jude spokesman Ben Marcos said the tabernacle seemed to have been moved to allow parishioners to speak openly during Mass without having the burden of remaining quiet due to the presence of the tabernacle.

“We noticed the skid marks leading to the closet near the restroom where we believe the hijacker[s] may have intended to keep it. But then we noticed more skid marks, indicating that the tabernacle was purposefully diverted and moved to the janitors stock room. We have not yet been able to enter the room.”

Marcos confirmed that the parishioners at the site had not seen the tabernacle, but that small particles of wreckage could be seen scattered along the route that the tabernacle may have been taken, indicating that the tabernacle was moved hastily and without care of its contents.

The parish council today said that they should know something definite on the possible discovery of the debris within “two or three hours” when the janitor arrives.

Why someone would move the tabernacle remains a mystery, though most parishioners are suggesting that their new pastor had seemingly indicated, just days leading to the tabernacle’s disappearance, that a move of the tabernacle would not only allow parishioners to speak after Mass like their “Protestant brethren,” but to also give a little quiet room for those who wanted pray after Mass without being distracted.

“I guess the bigger mystery is, why would the priest move God to accommodate chatty people, as opposed to moving  chatty people to accommodate God and those that want to adore Him?”

  • Lee Bacchi

    I usually love your parodies; I know what you’re satirizing here, but the real life story involves human beings and their families who are in anguish over the disappearance of the plane and not knowing whether their loved ones are dead or alive. Attempted humor at the expense of people in anguish and pain is not funny. The quick wits on this site are surely able to find another way to comment on tabernacle displacement.

    • Dan Burke


      • Lee Bacchi

        Yes, Dan Burke, REALLY!!

    • Heinz

      Let me debate that respectfully, because this comes up so often on this site.

      In this article we have: The tragedy of the missing plane (sorrow) and the arrogance of removing the tabernacle.
      If something is ridiculed, it’s the arrogance, not the sorrow.

      Now your argument seems to boil down to not allowing ridiculing arrogance and stupidity by comparing it to a sorrowful reality.
      Is there a “at the expense of” in this equation? I don’t think so.
      Are we comparing the sorrow of family members of the missing passengers with the sorrow of God and the faithful on the missing reverence to the holy sacrament? Maybe.
      If so, are we wrong in doing that?

  • ThereseZ

    For a moment, I reacted like Lee did.
    But on second thought, this is akin to the Onion’s “Not Knowing What Else To Do, Woman Bakes American-Flag Cake” article that came out two weeks after 9/11. It makes fun of the breathless reporting, not the tragedy itself.

  • Jeanne Marie

    OH MY WORD! What a BLATANT act of sacrilege! The shuttering of these churches just CAN’T happen soon enough for me!

    Poor priest 🙁 wouldn’t want to be in his shoes when the time comes.
    Oh Lord. Have mercy in us.