New Orlando Parish To Be Named “Our Lady Of Good Intentions”

May 4, 2014 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

Orlando, FL––After months of debate, officials have confirmed that a new Catholic church slated to be built this summer has officially been named Our Lady of Good Intentions.

The name of the multi-million dollar church designed by Florida priest Fr. William Kessler has been debated for the past two years. But after a poll was taken by Orlando residents last month between Our Lady of Good Intentions and Our Lady of Those Who Mean Well, the former title narrowly won out with 54% of the vote.

“Both names would’ve certainly worked,” Kessler said as he peered out onto the vacant lot where thousands of Catholics will soon be taught that all Jesus desires is a person who means well. “In fact, one of the early front runners for me personally was Our Lady of Those Who, Even Though Might Not Attend Mass Regularly, At Least, You Know, Have Good Hearts And Try To Be Good Because God Is In Your Heart, Anyway, So Don’t Judge Me, Because God Said Not To Judge.”

Kessler went on to quote Shakespeare’s famous play Romeo and Juliet, saying, “That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet,” and that no matter the name, the point is that people feel welcome, and don’t feel like they’re being judged; as long as they’re good people that mean well.

At press time, Kessler has declined to comment on what constitues “good.”

  • Lawrence Lam

    Our Lady of Those Who, Even Though Might Not Attend Mass Regularly, At Least, You Know, Have Good Hearts And Try To Be Good Because God Is In Your Heart, Anyway, So Don’t Judge Me, Because Pope Francis Said Not To Judge.

    • Jack Adams

      I think he meant it the same way God said not to judge, let you be judged…not to say that one can’t judge actions and truth.

    • Erika Allen

      Our Lady of Good Feelings,Non-Bigots, and No Judgment.

  • Katherine Anne McMillan

    yeah and Orlando is the Orthodox diocese in Florida. There is little reverence for Christ in the Eucharist in our churches. Yesterday I went to Eucharistic Adoration and Benediction and at the end the Deacon applauded the altar girl. God come to my assistance …

  • YehoshuaFriedman

    Sounds like a euphemism for Our Lady of the Road to Hell.

  • imabitterclinger2

    No joke, there is a real Parish in the Charlotte Diocese called Our Lady of the Highways. I always thought that sounded a little wrong.

    • There are several churches with that name, and prayers to Our Lady of the Highway as well, usually regarding safe travel.

    • That’s not too bad. It’s better than Our Lady of the Back Roads, or Our Lady of the Docks that Stink Like Fish.

  • Michael Leggett

    “All Are Welcome”, with the Possible Exception of Myself and MichaelVoris.

    • Adam Hovey

      Well personally I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near Michael Forest he’s an arrogant well let’s not say what he is. Mind you I’m not exactly fond of them or so called liberal crowd either so Michael Voris would have really had to push my buttons what he did do when he claims that Pope Benedict step down because he lied about being sick which Pope Benedict did not lie about being sick he was not physically fit for the job and of course he’s in better health he’s not the Pope anymore. I don’t want to say where I think Michael Voris is leading people and I hope I’m not right but he is making people turn to schism

  • How about “Our Lady of those who would have gone to church but didn’t feel good and probably had a brain tumor.”