New Evidence Reveals The Mass Was Founded In 1965

October 22, 2014 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

VaticanII

Los Angeles, CA–A Loyola Marymount professor Wednesday found what he is considering undeniable evidence of his theory that the Mass was founded in 1965, as opposed to the year 33 as has been formerly thought.

“It was primarily at the Second Vatican Council that the Holy Spirit descended upon the council fathers and thereby founded the Church,” said 68-year-old Church historian Marty Jenkins. “From documents that we’ve found, the Lord came to the council fathers, and when he had given thanks, he broke the bread, and said, ‘This is my body which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.’ It was here that Christ founded the Mass…not at the Last Supper. The Last Supper was just a trial run.”

Jenkins went on to say that up until then, no Mass was ever valid, going on to compare pre-conciliar Catholics with Jews during the exodus. “You see, the Jews did not have to wander the desert for 40 years. If was only because of the hardness of their hearts that God prolonged their wandering. So then is the case of the pre-conciliar Church. God allowed them to spiritually wander the desert of ignorance and hatred until they were enlightened in the 60’s. Only then were they allowed into the promise land of the Mass.”

When asked what evidence he had found to prove his theory, Jenkins responded, “I’m a tenured professor of Church History at Loyola Marymount University…what else needs to be said?”

  • John Kloess

    Oh snap.

  • Dear Vatican,
    My mother would like a refund on all her Mass intentions from 1947-1965, please. And no offense, but could you make that out in a cashier’s check? Thanks.
    Peace,
    A Sister (whose vows now evidently won’t kick in for another 1,100 years or so.)

  • Richardson McPhillips

    What is that picture, where is the room, what are those people in dresses doing?

  • T. Audrey Glamour

    If that’s a church and an altar way up there in the distance, I don’t see how the priest can face the people like he is supposed to in the Mass that was founded in 1965. Those people are facing each other!

    • MairinT

      They are all Marymount profs sitting there….

    • fredx2

      Actually, that is a picture taken during Vatican II. Ottoviani supporters are seated on the left, John XXIII supporters on the right. The Ottoviani supporters had just finished the “Wave” when this famous photograph was taken, and a few minutes after that, the “Great Brawl of 63” started, when a group of Ottoviani supporters tried to sit in the John XXIII section.

  • But of course! What was I thinking before this point?

  • michelekc

    That’s a photo of the Second Vatican Council

    • Steven Bremer

      Where the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass was first created.

      Is this new information to any Catholic?

    • Richardson McPhillips

      But it looks so … pre-Vatican.

  • Viterbo Fangirl

    EOTT’s troll level is now over 9000! Awesome!

  • Ursula

    With the state of reason and logic in the world today, I often find it difficult to distinguish satire from reality

    • Chris in Maryland

      Howling mad funny!

  • David Standeven

    Really? I thought it was founded in 33 AD but was a 1962 Low Mass. Christ clearly did everything according to the 1962 rubrics with Peter and John as the two acolytes. Plus, Christ wore a Fiddleback chasuble and the apostles wore the black cassocks and white thingamabobs… right?

    1962 was the only true form of the Mass and the true restoration. All that came before it were derivative abuses….

    😉

    • Joe Blough

      Wrong, wrong, wrong… It was *Peter* who wore the fiddleback chasuble, and it wasn’t until in the Upper Room.

    • Ursula

      “All that came before it were derivative abuses….”
      Don’t you mean ‘prevenient abuses’?

  • Cajun

    Ok, this makes sense. The Holy Spirit had to wait for the advent of Liturgical Puppets (and perfection of Liturgical Dance, the field had been sorely stagnant since King David), naturally. As always, our merciful God works with humanity, refusing to violate our nature. The theology checks out.