Daylight Savings News: Sedevacantist Family Moves Clocks Back Seven Centuries

November 3, 2014 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

After having set the family clock back seven centuries for daylight savings this past weekend, patriarch of a local sedevacantist family told EOTT this morning that, although he was excited about moving the clock back to “a better time,” that it was still weird getting used to the time change.

“Oh, it’s always weird trying to adjust to a time change,” said a sick Jeremy Miller as he tried to fight off a bout with the Black Plague. “Especially when you’re adjusting your clock to a time when the Mass was said properly and people had morals and were happy. Still, it’s a change when you’re used to the sun being out for longer. Your body and mind really need to get used to the facts that it’s going to get dark earlier and that if you have to defecate, it’s gonna have to be in a disease infested bucket. I guess the good thing is that you gain a few centuries of sleep, which you really need if you’re gonna find the energy and strength to survive the Great Famine which is killing millions of people as we speak.”

Miller went on to report that, although he was beginning to enjoy the time change, it was still odd to hear himself being referred to as “old man” at the age of 36.

  • Simon Reilly

    Is there a point to this post?

    • MissT

      Laugh, that’s the point! 🙂

    • cececole

      The point is….the “good old days” were not all that “good”.

      • Skyler von Enn

        Well, the dark ages weren’t actually all that dark, either.

    • Jared Clark

      Silly for silliness’s sake.

  • Alexander S Anderson

    I’m 37, I’m not old!

  • Tammy

    On second thought, let’s not go to Camelot. Tis a silly place.

    • I almost split a gut over this one!! Please convey my best wishes and prayers to the man suffering from a bout of the Plague!!!!

  • hahahahahahahahahahaha. This is awesome.

  • Sr. Mary Brigid

    Modernists. I’m pretty sure Fr. Z recommended setting the clock back at least 17 centuries, ‘cuz that Diocletian REALLY knew how to separate the sheep from the goats.

    • Reverend Sister, you really should avert your eyes from the evil fleshly accidents. Do you not know that only the pure spiritual things can prevail and are of any good, i.e. the sane Doctrine of the Church? In this respect, it’s of course not Diocletian who makes 17 centuries a proper choice — or, calculating with the year 314, Constantine, for what it’s worth –, but that this happy time was before wicked Augustine let the smoke of Manichaeism intrude into the Church.

      This, of course, goes under the presumption that you seriously believe there was a valid pope after Hippolytus of Rome.

      • Sr. Mary Brigid

        Math has always been my hair-shirt, Your Holiness, thank you! And I know little of Hippolytus…though I am a fan of his penitential system. I will request to again don the original guimpe and wimple of our Order so as to avoid the distractions you mention. I beg pardon. I will go back to cleaning the chamber pots now….

      • T. Audrey Glamour

        You can’t go back before Constantine can you? That’s too far, isn’t it? There wasn’t any church before then was there?

        • Yes, Virginia, there was; there has always been only one church as we in the COTS FORM NEKNEE Faith have always taught.

          Church Of The Standing FOR Mass Never KNEELING which is how the early Church celebrated Mass before the protestant kneelers corrupted the Holy Sacrifice and whatnot…

      • Shawn McElhinney

        Your Holiness, as a member of the Society of St. Pius I, I view the Church as having gone off the rails during the pontificate of False Pope Anicetus! 😉

  • The Millers should have set their clock back 800 years: then there was no plague, people were happy, had enough to eat, arts and poetry flourished, Innocence III was pope, and little Jeremy Junior could have gone on a nice crusade to the Holy Land next year.

  • Waitforit777

    If we slide back to the Counsel of Nicea and change the history of the future will everything suddenly vanish?

    • peadarban

      Not everything, only Lady Gaga and Justin Beiber

  • peadarban

    I think it is an indecency to set ones clock back more than a year. One will more than likely have forgotten what had been done, and very well may embarrass people. In addition, I think that Newtonian physics, at least, prevent clock setting back any great length of time because of the slowing of the earth’s orbit around the sun, the moon’s around the earth and all that other entropic stuff.

  • Lee Bacchi

    Bringing more smiles to my face and laughter from my mouth. Thank you, EOTT!!

  • NullusTutela

    “Especially when you’re adjusting your clock to a time when the Mass was said properly and people had morals and were happy.”

    Funny how these words so closely match Satan’s form of deception used in Eden and are so different from Christ’s words and forms of teaching.

    Christ commanded that those who wished to follow Him love one another as He loved them…mockery is never such love.

    Something EOTT might want to contemplate before walking again a proud, smug path the Apostles never took and Christ never commanded any to walk.

    • Benjamin Warren

      Sedevacantism is sad. This article isn’t one of your funnier ones. Otherwise, I love your site!