Imam Agrees That Catholics Shouldn’t Breed Like Rabbits

January 20, 2015 by  
Filed under Vatican

Just a day after Pope Francis told Catholics that they should not feel like they have to breed “like rabbits” because of the Church’s ban on contraception, an American Imam today echoed the Pope’s words, urging Catholics to listen to their spiritual leader.

“Yes, that sounds like an excellent idea,” the Imam reportedly said this morning. “Having many Catholic children is such a burden, and the Catholic world is so overpopulated already. One Catholic child, maybe two, is plenty to bring into the world. Maybe none at all is best.”

The Imam, who has a meager 8 children himself, praised the progressive culture of Europe, where both marriage and child-bearing have reached an all-time low in most countries. “When it comes down to it, a Catholic is really being selfish when bringing more people to suffer in this world. Contraception, even abortion, is really the best option for Catholics.” The Imam concluded, “On the other hand, in a generation or so none of this will matter anyway.”

  • Netmilsmom

    I know this is humor, but I this is what I’ve been saying to people all day.
    Muslims and Mormons make more babies than we do. Celebrate large families. We need them.

    • David

      I heard a chiropractor once say that “You know why there are so many Muslims? Because they bend all the way over and touch the ground five times a day. They have better backs–so they have more sex! More children!”

  • Jeannine

    Those bunnies are adorable. That is all.

  • SteveTirone

    You are my new hero.

  • Carlos Felsen

    Being our God such an indulgent one it is only just that we indulge ourselves as well by getting rid of that annoying little ones

  • ccmnxc

    That’s some dark humor, there.

  • tteague

    I think the Holy Father is merely wanting us to change our metaphors. “Breed like rabbits” is a metaphor that past its due date. We need a new metaphor, like “breed like naked mole-rats”, which has a nice ring to it, and naked mole-rats tend to have larger litters than rabbits anyway.

  • Sr. Mary Brigid

    This Imam sounds a LOT like the Religious Ed teacher in my last parish. In most parishes, actually…

  • Sr. Mary Brigid

    The image is photoshopped–no REAL Catholic rabbits would breed with their eyes open.

    • Badger Catholic †


    • ubiPetrusEst

      Dear Sister, Thank you for sharing an insight gleaned from a ponderous tome of theology you must have been reading.

      • Sr. Mary Brigid

        READING? What busy Catholic has time for reading? I learn most of my theology by watching the Nat’l Catholic Reporter’s YouTube channel.

        • ubiPetrusEst

          I was a little worried when you wrote of being a Catholic
          too busy to read. I’m relieved to hear that you are busy watching Fishwrap’s Youtube channel, and not busy–like too many of us married Catholics–acting like “rabbits.”

        • Ursula

          Oh my! I am afraid that is too great a penance for me! But I would venture to guess that your purgatory time is probably worked off very quickly that way. Could you offer a few seconds of your viewing time up for me, Sister? Please…

          • Sr. Mary Brigid

            For YOU, Ursula, I would EVEN listen to Marty Haugen songs! Cuz I’m penitential and cool like that.

  • Tim

    I have 13 children. I wonder if someone knows the fairest way to decide which 10 I can abort (retroactively)?

    • Carlos Felsen

      You could just put ten of them (the smallest) in a big basket in front of an orphanage, we don’t have to be such barbarians either

      • Jo Flemings

        Oh that is a brilliant idea! Why didn’t we think of this!? Let’s see, when I only had ten the oldest was about 16, she was pretty useful, could drive and all, and the second one was already in minor seminary for the priesthood- SHOOT! I so missed my chance, if I had just dropped them all off at the pound- back then, I say the pound because we don’t have orphanages that I know of anywhere in the south, the sale of babies is way to profitable a business; and adopting foster kids, is like trafficking in a controlled substances- same deal, no drop off option possible. No one even knows where these places are that might have more than one or two of these kinds of kids located, it’s that secret and sequestered. SO, I could have just left them in a basket- um, no I’, thinking more like shipping container- if you knew my kids you would understand- at the pound. Who knew!?

    • Ursula

      ‘Abortion’ and ‘fair’ are antithetical* concepts. They are mutually exclusive. Abortion cannot be fair and fair cannot be abortion. Also I think you have past the limit on gestation for abortion, even a late term abortion.I Do like Carlos’s suggestion. So my advice would be to forget about trying to be fair in choosing and pick the 10 who are the most trouble. Then take them to an orphanage. Someone will probably want them ,especially the older ones who can actually be put to work.
      However, it is in the works to be able to decide that you do not want the child up until 2 years of age. When that becomes legal, you will be able to have the child killed but planned parenthood’s fees are likely to be exorbitant AND I am sure that it will still be on a cash only basis just as it is now.
      *definition of antithetical-
      1. directly opposed or contrasted; mutually incompatible.

    • Jo Flemings

      Tim, Buddy!- Hey! We are on the same team- I too have 13! high five! Yeah, you know the problem with the whole retroactive option is that the preference for it in the moment tends to shift from day to day…. what to do? what to do? The real confusing part is that if you let them grow up and learn a few life lessons, they actually might become decent, thinking, dare I even say it? devout, Catholic citizens who don’t pick their noses in the pews, talk out loud in Mass, leave their bikes in the street partly on someone else’s perfect lawn, cut others off in traffic, or otherwise act like the little sociopaths all these gray hairs on our heads invested concern over, right?

    • fredx2


      • Tim

        Bye Freddie

  • FrankieBeanPie

    The papacy of Pope Francis will also be known as the golden age of Eye of the Tiber.

    • Andy

      Johnny Carson once spoke so regretfully of having retired before the Clinton administration… EOTT will not be left out of this gold mine!

  • William

    Actually God didn’t decide birth control was a Mortal Sin until 1930, when Pius XI said so. Mussolini needed more soldiers for his Fascist Army and the Church of Rome never met a Fascist Government it didn’t like.

    • disqus_xsq5EhZuOG

      And here I thought the satire was saved for the articles. Apparently it is found in the comment section as well.
      Obvious troll is obvious.

      • Guest

        Obviously, he hasn’t . Judging by his historical soundbtes, source documents may even be anathema to him. After all, facts can be pesky irritants to preferred hand-me-down conclusions.

    • Allen Lyons

      I can’t believe I’m letting myself be sucked into this! William, have you never read the Didache (AD 96)? Oh, and Pius XI had nothing to do with writing it.

      • Ursula

        I will go out on a limb here and guess that William has NOT read the Didache.. I would even venture to guess that he has never even heard of the Didache. Judging by his historical soundbtes, source documents may even be anathema to him. After all, facts can be pesky irritants to preferred hand-me-down conclusions.

        • fredx2

          Of course he has not read the Didache. He’s only ten.

    • rjcadls

      Read Genesis 38:6-10, William. Also see Genesis 1:28 and 9:7.

      • LadyAnneJT

        Oh, Lord! Here we go again. Satire, folks, satire.

    • fredx2

      Billy! Go wash your hands! Time for dinner. And use that hanky I gave you!

  • Maggie Sullivan

    I thought this was suppose to be a satirical site? Why are you running this hard news story?

    • ubiPetrusEst

      Maggie, I think this tongue-in-cheek post IS a satire. Notice that there is no source given.

      The blog “Bare Naked Islam” (which is not a satirical site) posted the following as a straight news story on January 20, 2015: “MASS MUSLIM IMMIGRATION of men who often have multiple wives who breed like rabbits is behind the rapidly growing danger of Islam in Europe.”

    • A King

      Good one.

  • SnowCherryBlossoms

    I just found this site- is this like the clean catholic version of the Onion?

    • A King