Parishioner Just Going To Sit On Toilet Until Annual Catholic Appeal Homily Over

May 12, 2015 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Deciding that he would go to the restroom and simply sit on the toilet for the next 15 to 20 minutes, local Catholic Jay Anderson confirmed to reporters that he would indeed be back in his pew just as soon as this year’s Annual Catholic Appeal homily was over.

“I typically love these homilies,” a smirking Anderson said, adding that nothing in the world was more edifying than listening to the deacon talk about cash for 20 straight minutes. “I guess my favorite part is watching the priest or deacon whip out the big fundraising thermometer thingy that helps us keep track of exactly how many more weeks we’re gonna have to listen to someone talk about money.”

Anderson noted that, although he felt bad for the other 15 or so men trying to find a spot in the restroom for the very same reason, that they should have anticipated the homily beforehand as he did, and perhaps considered arriving to the restroom 10 to 15 minutes earlier.

“This isn’t my first time at the rodeo,” Anderson said. “I got to Mass a half hour early to reserve my toilet.”

At press time, Anderson is attempting to beat level 147 in Candy Crush Saga before the Profession of Faith.