Ireland Approves Reentry Of Snakes Into Country By Popular Vote

May 26, 2015 by  
Filed under Politics

Ireland overwhelmingly approved a referendum to allow “snakes” back in the country on Saturday, becoming the first country in the world to allow such a move by popular vote. Though the final tally is yet unknown, the referendum achieved the support of an estimated 65 percent of the population.

Michael Fitzpatrick, prominent supporter of the “Hell No” campaign, conceded the referendum’s defeat Saturday morning.

“It is a sad day now that Ireland has approved reentry of paganism,” Fitzpatrick said, explaining how, although snakes have never actually existed in Ireland, that the referendum would now allow the “pagans,” which he believed the snakes represented in the time of St. Patrick, to take back their country from Catholicism.

Supporters of the reentry of paganism erupted with jubilation in Dublin, which has long been a liberal stronghold. But the referendum received support throughout the whole country.

As a result of the referendum, which amends Ireland’s constitution to approve of snakes “without distinction as to length or toxicity of their venom,” pagans in the country will be permitted by law to begin deconstructing everything Catholicism has built as soon as this summer.

  • Sr. Mary Brigid

    And sadly, Guinness is now more of a pheromone than it is an antivenom.

    • PJParks

      Dear lord that is funny.

    • Jerome

      Well at least there’s still Jameson’s. I think it works both ways.

  • Ever mindful

    And then there is the risk of the most disobedient snake…the adder…having been told to go forth and multiply

    • Kat

      I love you. That was awesome.

    • Smoking Hamster

      They better put some wooden picnic benches in quick.

      Adders need log tables to multiply.

  • Louise

    Well played, Eye, well played!

  • Razanir

    Thus ending the history of celebrities getting arrested for bringing pet snakes into the country.

  • Benjamin Warren

    Ha ha! GO TAC!

  • Marie Van Gompel Alsbergas

    In related agricultural news, farmers are reeling from the realization that clover, alfalfa and other three-leaved legumes will be banned as well because of their association with the Holy Trinity. Milk, butter and cheesen prices are expected to soar as stocks of cattle fodder are depleted.

  • Hotrod1962

    on the other hand…….it has been reported that there a sharp increase in catholicism among the mice, rat, bird, and frog populations,

    • sixlittlerabbits

      Not to mention us rabbits, who continue to breed like … what we are.

  • jamey brown

    The name St. Patrick has miraculously disappeared from all buildings and signs in Ireland. Vatican News reports that the great saint is headed to the US, the great pagan behemoth, with a sack full of Baltimore Catechisms and cloverleafs.

    • @james, Sadly, I agree: <> And Ireland has needed our entertainment onslaught like Judas needed more guilt. We’re hanging ourselves just as surely, once the damage is done globally. But, get ready, the persecution of faithful Catholics is only gathering speed. God help us to keep the Faith, despite what comes. +Peace+

  • BeeKaaay

    WE ARE THE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. FROM NOW ON, YOU WILL SERVICE…..US.

    Where is Riker when we need him?

  • Diane maher

    This just crazy, may as well throw baby out with the bath water

    • Rev. Kelyla Spicer

      Dont have clean water?

  • Diane maher

    I live in america, I go to St Patrick’s catholic church.!!

  • And I thought EOTT was satire. 🙁

    • wiffle

      The headline made me laugh out loud when I saw it. But I had harder time the actual text. Not the “This is no laughing matter” type of reaction, but the “It’s hard to make this more funny than sad”. 🙁

  • MonsignorBrokhage

    Fortunately, Ireland has a sufficient number of traditional snake handlers to strangle all of them. Now if they can just get the pagans to join them in the poison drinking…

    • Rev. Kelyla Spicer

      As a pagan i will politely realize the ignorant still walk the Earth…..

  • samton909

    As someone else said, now its Sodom and Begorrah.

  • Rev. Kelyla Spicer

    Funny how ” snakes” never left…..

  • Please, if you’re going to troll, at least be creative.

    Or maybe you were. You did use the word PURE. And in uppercase letters, too.

    • You can’t even do “troll” or “satire” with any sort of proficiency.

      You need to study (and recite) THIS.

      Meanwhile I will pray for the conversion of your soul and an end to any demonic oppression therein.

  • imabitterclinger2

    Hey, I thought this was a parody web site? EOTT contains more truth than the National Catholic Reporter.

  • Hotrod1962

    You realize this a satirical site? If would love to continue with my reply, but I have to go now and worship my cheap plaster statues.

  • Don Lond

    Wow, now’s the time to make a killing investing in that new Irish Mongoose Ltd. company.

  • ithakavi

    But thank goodness they still can’t marry.