Cohen Accuses Trump Of Not Being The Chivalrous Gentleman and Scholar Entire Nation Thinks He Is

February 27, 2019 by  
Filed under Politics

Image: Gage Skidmore In devastating testimony on Capitol Hill earlier today, President Trump’s former personal attorney Michael Cohen accused the president of a pattern unfit for the gentleman and scholar that the entire world believes him to be. “Everyone thinks he is this perfect, gallant, flawless man,” Cohen told congress in his opening statement. “And he might be close to it, but he does have some minor flaws, and that is... Read More

Pope Michael Declares Emergency to Install Communion Rails

February 19, 2019 by  
Filed under Politics

Pope Michael announced Friday that he was declaring a state of emergency to construct communion rails in all Catholic churches across the globe. Bypassing Pope Francis, Michael said he would use executive action “granted to him by God” to siphon money from the Knights of Columbus as well as Peter’s Pence to help pay for the rails, an aide said. Michael made the announcement from his rose garden as he claimed immigration of the laity moving... Read More

Nancy Pelosi Recites Her Favorite Bible Verse: “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger”

February 5, 2019 by  
Filed under Politics

Image: Gage Skidmore House Speaker Nancy Pelosi quoted her favorite Bible verse while speaking to a group of university students last week, saying that the verse that most speaks to her is “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Though Pelosi admitted that she has been unsuccessful in her search for the verse in the Bible, she claimed that it was definitely somewhere in there, “most likely in Isaiah or somewhere like that.” “It’s... Read More

Cardinal Dolan, Pope Francis Can’t Seem To Find A Case For Excommunicating Andrew Cuomo

January 24, 2019 by  
Filed under Politics

Image: Pat Arnow   Conceding that, though the Catholic Church would no longer tolerate blasphemous and heretical decisions made by Catholic politicians, both Cardinal Timothy Dolan and Pope Francis confirmed Thursday that they couldn’t, for the life of them, find a single reason to excommunicate Governor Andrew Cuomo a day after he signed a bill that allows abortions up to the final day of pregnancy. “Oh, it’s not for a lack of trying,” Dolan... Read More

World Must Choose Between Excommunicating And Canonizing Covington Teens, With No Other Options

January 21, 2019 by  
Filed under Politics

      Students from Covington Catholic high school located in Kentucky became the center of attention this week after video of the students appeared to show some mocking a Native American activist on the steps of Lincoln Memorial. But early yesterday, new videos of the incident began to emerge, changing the narrative for many, and having people around the world questioning the essential question of whether the teens should be canonized or whether... Read More

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