SSPX Sentences Priest To 1,000 Lashes For Smiling During Mass

July 2, 2015 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

Society of St. Pius X priest Fr. Donald Johnson has been sentenced to three years in prison and 1,000 lashes for allegedly smiling during the Mass two weeks ago.

Johnson was arrested by SSPX officials in June during a Mass after being caught on video looking happy, SSPX officials reported. Johnson is scheduled to receive 50 lashes a week for 20 weeks.

Officials stated that Johnson first came to the attention of SSPX bishops close to a year ago after a parishioner complained about comments Johnson made during a homily about love. Johnson was accused of saying that some people in the Church often only focus on their anger and God’s judgment, as opposed to the loving mercy of God.

“This is a sad day for us all,” one SSPX bishop told EOTT as he practiced lashing a tree. “But the fact is that Fr. Johnson smiled during the Mass. Perhaps next time he tries smiling during Mass he’ll remember that Christ dying on the cross is no laughing matter.”

The bishop went on to say that without the proper penance and jail time that the lash and bars were certain to administer to the priest, he would run the danger of continuing in his “sacrilegious ways.”

“It’s a slippery slope, you know? One day your smiling during the Mass and talking about love like some sort of a clown, the next day your speaking in the vernacular and committing other mortal sins as well.”

  • Sigfrid

    In my experience, having known quite a few SSPX priests mainly from around Europe they are actually often quite a funny bunch, not very different from other orthodox priests in personality. Not a lot of extreme extroverts among them but not the kind of solemn faced bores some might imagine them as being either. Heck, not even bishop Williamson fits this parody – say what you will but he certainly doesn’t lack a sense of humour! However the remaining SSPX bishops seem a bit more on the dry side though I’ve never met any of them in person.

    • samton909

      Richard Pryor is SSPX, I hear.

  • Sheesh…I thought only Opus Dei did that…

    • Christian West

      Where is that albino monk when you need it!

  • Vincent

    Well, the good news is it’s not pederasty, that’s a step in the right direction. At least this priest won’t go to jail and cause a civil suit resulting in the society declaring bankruptcy and shame the Catholic Church. No reassignment and episcopal cover-up for smiling at this church!

    • ccmnxc

      Man you guys are boring. Can you think up something novel and interesting so as not to darken the combox with your deficient wit?

  • ithakavi

    Um … shouldn’t that be: “M Verbera?”

  • Jim

    The bishop in paragraph four is definitely schismatic. Practicing his lashing on a tree would not sit well with current management at the Vatican.

    • Hotrod1962

      I am assured by the SSPX that during the lashing of priests that smile during mass, no trees are harmed.

      • samton909

        But many were made to feel bad.

        • ithakavi

          Thus ‘Laudato si’ to raise their self esteem.

    • ithakavi

      What if it is one of those trees that emit carbon dioxide? Perhaps it could be made to wear a hair shirt?

      • Jim

        Not sure about the whole tree-self-mortification thing, but “Celice” would be a great name for a shrill singer who records music created to be assigned as penance.

        • ithakavi


  • Teresa Pace

    Errrr excuse me? Do you call yourselves catholics, meaning you the society of Piux X? God is love and it is worth rejoicing for. Jesus died for us AND RESURRECTED… and that is worth rejoicing for. Catholics are bapised with pure water, with holy water, cleansing water and not vinegar or lemons for that matter…BE JOYFUL, REJOICE FOR JESUS IS ALIVE AMEN. PS maybe you should read the gifts of the Holy Spirit in Galatians…one of the gifts is joy 🙂 🙂 ALLELUIA JESUS IS ALIVE. REJOICE AND BE GLAD AMEN

    • Marko Ivančičević

      this is satire, not reality.

    • samton909

      We Catholics use vinegar and lemons. It’s in the bible

      • Philippa Martyr

        But only on Ember Days, and only on that which has fins and scales. On all other days, it is only permissible to have bitter herbs, milk and honey, and leeks on that which has a cloven hoof and a tail, and sometimes feathers as well.

        • samton909

          Mmmm. Feathers for desert!

    • Heather J

      Can there be a button when you’re about to submit a comment that says “Do you realize that the article you just read was satire”?

  • Diffal

    The SSPX are going soft! Only 50/week- honestly.
    If this were back in the days of St. Pius X, the pope would have given the lashes himself, and all at once too!!
    Personally, I blame the spirit of Vatican One for this.

    • Susan

      “Spirit of Vatican I” 🙂 🙂 🙂

  • Robert Newport

    “You’re,” not “your” in final paragraph. Unless you are satirizing proper grammar as well.

    • Rose Lincoln

      Now, why didn’t I pick up that won?

      • Robert Newport

        Guess that’s what you have me four.

  • Marko Ivančičević

    “the next day your speaking in the vernacular and committing other mortal sins as well.” haha – best line xD

  • maggie norman

    I dont believe this. It’s like something you’d read in The Onion.

    • Diffal

      I know, it’s like something you’d read on a Catholic satire site….

    • Hotrod1962

      Maggie…I wish this was satire….very disturbing article.

      • Lilia Oldenburg

        this is satire! Sorry if you got confused… this whole website is satire! (:

        • Richardson McPhillips

          Now don’t be a neopelagian psychomorph or whatever is HH’s insult of the day. It’s wrong to tell the truth when it’s not necessary!

    • samton909

      I believe it.

    • Philippa Martyr

      If only this priest would find a nice traditional parish and start saying Mass in the Extraordinary Form.
      Oh, hang on.

  • Good catch.

  • Joseph Murphy

    The priest was laughing because his grandma called and said she wanted all her lace curtains back before noon!

  • Mara319

    And that’s just for smiling during Mass. Can you imagine what kind of penance their priests give for mortal sins?

  • Maggie

    Thanks for the chuckle. After reading some other Church news, I needed it.

  • Bertrand Fellow

    Complete liberals! If a Society of Such Pious Gents priest smiled during Mass, the sentence would be 2000 lashes!

  • being.chinmay

    Some of them points
    are really straight forward but all too often you will over look them.

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  • Richardson McPhillips

    Just wait a minute here. How did they know he wasn’t properly grimacing? Or had gas? And just when would they see his face? I sense a fraud here of some sort.

  • Stacy

    Lame attempt at humor. Is mean spirited mockery the spirit of Vatican II? Must not have had liturgical dance lessons that day…:)