Catholic High School Freshman Arrested After Taking Homemade Liturgical Calendar To School

September 16, 2015 by  
Filed under Politics

Image: Patnac

Image: Patnac


Local police chief Ronald Defray announced today that charges will not be filed against Arthur Koch, the Mater Dei Catholic high school freshman arrested Monday after he brought what school officials and police described as a “paper-looking bomb thingy” on campus.

At a press conference early this morning, Defray said the device, confiscated by an English teacher despite Koch’s insistence that it was a liturgical calendar, was “certainly suspicious in nature.”

“The student showed the calendar to a teacher who was concerned that it was possibly the infrastructure for some sort of new paper bomb or  something that could be hardened and made into a jail-like shank/sword or something devout Catholics like Koch might’ve used during the Inquisition to torture and kill infidels,” Defray said.

School officials questioned Arthur about the calendar and why he had brought it to school, but after Koch told them it was simply a liturgical calendar and nothing more, he was then handcuffed and taken to the local juvenile detention center.

“The follow-up investigation revealed the calendar apparently was a homemade project, and there’s no evidence to support the perception he intended to create alarm,” Defray said, who went on to describe the event as a “naive accident.”

“Let this be a lesson to everyone,” Defray said to the media at a press conference earlier today. “You never ever bring a mysterious or unknown object to school. No one, not even the religious teacher at Mater Dei, had ever heard of a liturgical calendar until this week, so you can understand their fear.”

  • You got it wrong it wasn’t a potential bomb; it was a potential “liturgical abuse.”

  • Paul S.

    Would have been funnier if it had been a trad calendar (noticeably lacking that ridiculous “ordinary time”) being brought to a typical parish ccd program.

  • Adam Hovey

    Too soon

  • Dom

    Of course upon further inspection this is simply a Novus Ordo liturgical calendar, but a brief glance shows that there is no time after Epiphany, Septuagesima, Passiontide, or time after Pentacost. This would immediately raise suspicion that this could be some sort of bomb, or worse, heresy. You can’t mess around with this kind of thing.

  • Gaston

    UPDATE: Pope Francis tweets to Arthur Koch and invites him to the Vatican. Arthur will meet Msgr. Guido Marini, Master of Pontifical Liturgical Celebrations.

    • WaywardSailor

      You’ve confused your Marinis. Arthur has been invited to meet with Msgr. Pietro Marini, Master of Pontifical Liturgical Innovations.

  • Puffsstuff

    It warm the cockles of my heart to know that even in jest the lines between Ordinary Form and Extraordinary Form are bold and thick and black.

  • Doug R.

    Gack…this popped up in my newsfeed this morning and I was sleepy enough to not notice the EOTT byline. I was flabbergasted, until I read the final paragraph and said, “Wait a minute…”

  • Hotrod1962

    He did have the 27th Sunday in Ordinary Time scribble on the back…Hmmmmm.

  • Marie Roxanne

    A Catholic School – the teachers, principal doesn’t know what a Liturgical Calendar is? ARE YOU SERIOUS? And they are the ones who parents are trusting to teach the Catholic “religion”?

    • john

      No fear… they aren’t serious. It’s satire.

    • samton909

      Dear – we are talking about a Catholic school here. You know, the ones where the teachers are homosexuals.

  • I am not Spartacus

    Mater Dei is a sexist name

  • Padre

    Did he get an invite from the White House?

  • CumExApostolatus

    If the calendar included Saint Christopher and Saint Philomena but NOT saints pope john 23 and john paul II then the fear and loathing are understandable.

  • JD

    It started back in the 80’s. As a Mater Dei student in 1987, I brought to school a yellow and grey plastic squeeze toy (for ages 6 and up), and when squeezed with one hand, it would compress a small bit of air, and then a soft rubber “bullet” (about the size of the last digit on your pinky) would pop out and fly about 10 feet.

    During lunch, I shot my fat friend in the belly, causing him to giggle hysterically. The rent-a-cop took the toy and gave it to Dean Bernie Balsas. I was pulled out of class following lunch and told to report the dean’s office, where I quietly walked in to find Mr. Balsas chasing the secretary around the office, shooting her in the butt, back of the head, chest, etc.

    Both were laughing uncontrollably, and were working up a sweat. They were startled to see me standing there watching (I had been amused for about 2 minutes), and after regaining their composure, asked why I was there. Their faces went from bright pink to cherry red when I told them why, “That’s my gun.” To which Bernie replied, “Oh, uh.. um… er… we uh were just um seeing how uh… um… powerful this thing is and that it uhh… should’t be here at school ‘cuz it could… ummm hurt someone. How long have you been there watching?”

    Needless to say, I was suspended immediately until my mother had a conference with Dean Hardigan. He seemed to think it was a joke. But, shooting himself in the hand point-blank, said, “well, I suppose that could cause some discomfort if that was my eye.”

  • Jim

    I understand the investigation was held up while faculty searched the Internet and several books trying to find a bio of Paschal Triduum, hoping to find out why he was mentioned on the suspicious-looking thingamabob.

  • ithakavi

    Mater Dei has a religious teacher?

  • susan

    Thought I was reading an article from the Onion.

    • Mom442

      Are we sure it’s not?

  • monitorstl

    Strange things can occur in Ordinary Time.

  • samton909

    What kind of calendar?

  • Church_Militant_Moderator

    This is why the old calendar is superior. Nothing is merely “ordinary.” It is always “week after Pentecost” week after such and such important feast day. It makes sense, why does the modern Church never make sense?

    • Christine Niles

      This man is using a fake account and masquerading as a moderator for the site. None of his commentary comes from any of our staff. He’s being reported to Disqus.

      • Kristian Freel

        I think it’s hilarious Christine – absolutely hilarious. The way you guys run around censoring the message boards is worse than Fishwrap. When you are done telling the world how holy your programs are – head on over to Father Z where he says the Society is not in schism – as far as Col. Klink goes – troll on good squire!

      • PGMGN

        Have you thoroughly interrogated all your moderators? Considering last week’s utter garbage run, there may be a few of your staff who have had enough of that particular brand of dirty work. Not Catholic, none of it.

        For while you absolve yourself from the sin of calumny, stating that you’re only acting for fear that souls will leave the Church, you fail entirely to give those clerics allowing heresy the same excuse. After all, the Kasper crew is only allowing heresy in the Church for fear of seeing the pews empty.

        If you fail to make the comparison, Ms. Niles, then you’ve got far more trouble than a steam venting Colonel Klink. And your posts here are more sad than comical.

        • harveydude

          You gotta be kidding. It’s OK to change Church teaching if it’s done “for fear of seeing the pews empty”?

          Then we’d better change all 10 Commandments right now, because we wouldn’t want people to feel bad — waaaaah…

          • PGMGN

            Harvey – Dude. It is not okay to change Church teaching. That’s precisely the point.

            But CMTV cannot openly calumniate others and spread the exercise of mortal sin (Thou shalt not bear false witness) under the auspices of doing good anymore than Kasper can. (CMTV’s smear campaign against traditional Catholic groups that don’t fall under their Fascist umbrella was made manifest in Fall of ’15.)

            So wahhh wahhhh, is right. CMTV cannot handle a critique of their so-called work – not when they resort to breaking the 8th commandment. Not content to ban comments on CMTV, she seems intent to extend the iron fist to other outlets. Outlets that rely on the truth and not the spin of the ‘Vortex’ that positioned itself to be more Sedevecantist than anything else by acting as if the pope is perpetually ‘not home’.

          • harveydude

            OK, I see the point. You are trying to hold them to the same standard as those who (rightly) criticize Kasper. But I don’t see the connection; CM is fearful of souls losing heaven through disobedience to Church teaching, and urges (or yes, maybe even chastises) them to follow the teachings.
            Kasper et al. are quite different, because they are fearful of losing souls so try to change Church teaching! That’s why the comparison doesn’t seem to work.

          • PGMGN

            The comparison works, haveydude, because Niles and Voris castigated truth tellers on CMTV for decrying their overreach in declaring certain individuals as being schismatics (…because they reject, not papal authority, but the novelties of VII that are very clearly a rupture with Catholic teaching Just reference the ‘new’ official position of Rome with regard to evangelizing Jews…. a ‘fruit’ of VII.) and worse than Satan worshipers or dealers in ecclesiastical porn.

            In other words, they calumniated others for a so-called greater good even after their own Bishop Athanasius Schneider not once, but twice, called for Catholics to lay down their arms when it comes to needless in fighting. It was sad and I hope, especially in light of the ongoing fruits of recent months, the parties involved will repent of their public screed.

            But these ‘others’ had been at the business of exposing the truth for far longer than CMTV. CMTV also indulged in a week long smear campaign, riddled with half truths and nothing but spin to under-gird “their” position and indoctrinate their followers. That is not telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, but rather the technique of propagandists. (…or those concerned with cornering a market. I cannot say.)

            Each and every time it was pointed out to CMTV by way of their comboxes that they were themselves in disobedience to the Church by erroneously and publicly pronouncing judgement on others and groups, such comments would be vociferously argued by way of ridiculing posters (to include long time financial supporters) and/or banning dissenters. Niles, in particular, has shown herself to be very high handed in declaring who is or is not in schism while purporting to be a papal defender. And yet, Francis himself has given jurisdiction to a certain Society to absolve in confession.

            Her subsequent march on other Catholic news sites to shut down legitimate conversation and opposition to CMTV’s outrageous claims and demonstrable over reach was an open invitation to be called out yet again. Not for CMTV’s ‘concern’ but rather for their hypocrisy. As if a foot-stomp and a threat of – you will be reported – would suffice to uphold the CMTV’s party line.

            But hey, Voris is new to this game. He’ll learn. He cannot help but learn. Same goes for Ms. Niles. Same goes for us all. As Bishop Schneider termed it, we’re out in the life boats in the fog, targeting each other instead of the actual enemy. That said, whenever Niles or Voris engages in this *&^%$#, I’ll do what I can to call it out if only to discourage them from alienating those who should be and could be their greatest allies.

          • harveydude

            Ah, now the real motives come into the light.
            “…the novelties of VII.”
            You obviously have an axe to grind, a la SSPX. So a bigger problem divides us, and one that I fear won’t be resolved here. But since we’re all “out in the life boats in the fog,” it would still be better to stay close to the mother ship (the pope) rather than follow bishops who refuse to submit to lawful authority.

          • PGMGN

            What separates us is the chimera raised by CMTV and the tightly controlled ‘narrative’ of what it means to be faithful. That harms the Church, Catholic families, and the psyche as it demands adherence to cognitive dissonance. Has nothing whatever to do with SSPX, the Remnant, or other Catholic groups. But the knee-jerk VII-equals-no-discussion is telling. Like Pavlov’s drooling dog.

            And yet this is why, if CMTV wants to purport their fidelity to Church teaching, and the Holy Father, then in all honesty and to be consistent, they should refrain from publicly declaring that which is most assuredly not in their purview. (I think they have of late, especially since that latest Vatican decree about Catholic relations with our Jewish brothers.)

            But you are correct in that Catholics should remain close to the Pope. But that requires acquiescing for CMTV as well, specifically in not declaring on his behalf via half truths. (CMTV, for all their reporting in this regard represents a group of lay folks who are not submitting to lawful authority. They also seem intent on pointing out all manner of problems while pretending that nobody is in the driver’s seat or has any authority to correct problems. This is rather Sedevedantist, if not in word then in action.)

            That said, Catholics are required to maintain the Faith. The Catholic Faith. That is why, contrary to what you may believe, the pastoral language and novelties of Vatican II are not something to be ignored. Or are you comfortable with the proposal that the Church should intentionally refrain from spreading the gospel to the Jews.

            Also in Nostra Aetate:

            “…The Church regards with esteem also the Moslems. They adore the one God, living and subsisting in Himself; merciful and all- powerful, the Creator of heaven and earth,(5) who has spoken to men; they take pains to submit wholeheartedly to even His inscrutable decrees, just as Abraham, with whom the faith of Islam takes pleasure in linking itself, submitted to God.”

            This, Harvey, dude, is novelty. But for the sake of discussion, let’s say it’s not. According to the above, Catholics should embrace with esteem the striving of Moslems who take pains to submit wholeheartedly to ‘inscrutable decrees’. Friend, what is more inscrutable than what the Koran actually teaches and what the Prophet Mohammed actually did in the name of his religion?

            So where does that put a Catholic when assessing the actions of ISIS? Confusing, no? All these radical Islamists (or just orthodox Moslems) are doing is taking pains to submit wholeheartedly to the inscrutable decrees of Allah, no?

            Again, it is the inconsistency and short sightedness that I take issue with at CMTV. That and Ms. Niles bluster over someone blowing off steam about their ridiculous clamp down on real discussion by pretending to be Colonel Klink (Nazi commandant of a prisoner of war camp). Colonel Klink made some fun comments across the Catholic blogosphere during the CMTV ban fest – so yes, there was a definite ax to grind. Not mine ;^)

            God bless and happy learning!

          • harveydude

            I do hear you, really. But my caution is about swinging too far the other way. In that regard, perhaps there is room for CMTV in the media — sort of a check/balance for the bishops. No one says you have to listen to them.

            I’m not an apologist for CMTV — I’m actually rather irked that they refuse to level any hint of criticism at the pope. (Despite my earlier comment, I do believe that such criticism can be made without pushing my boat further away from him.) Perhaps in that regard we have some common ground; I don’t know.

            I was just surprised how you jumped all over Christine for mentioning that a fake handle was being used; that’s what started all this. You’re not the cops here — she was well within her rights to caution other readers. You must have several axes to grind… Vatican II, CMTV (others?).

            Peace, out.

          • PGMGN

            Harvey, Dude, thanks for the note. When making assessments, however, of when/where folks are within their ‘rights’, you may want to ask a question first. Ms. Niles has hounded ‘Colonel Klink’ before, leveling all manner of foot-stomping nonsense at him and at the owners of websites. Presumably not having been part of that exchange, you wouldn’t pick up on, but that’s okay. Others did/do, especially when events were ongoing.

            The Colonel Klink Church Militant moderator was a joke to which the huffy warnings only added to the chuckles. (Think – visit from General Burkhalter and his sister or Major Hochstetter.)

            As to axes, I do have one. Or maybe it’s a machete. Something is needed to cut through the vines of you’re-kidding-me-right?

            It is no defense of the Papacy to aid and abet and pretend there is no method of speaking to the truth without being unfaithful. I doubt, in light of what you just wrote, that you’d consider a wife or child who felt compelled to take part in an intervention with an alcoholic husband/father to be unfaithful to that same husband/father. Such action, as distasteful as it may appear, could at some point be necessary to aid the father in the execution of his duties. To save the family. (God’s ways aren’t ours. And whereas some may feel they cannot speak about the papacy others are compelled.)

            That is what I take issue with when self-styled authorities attempts to portray others as unfaithful, disloyal, fill-in-the-blank when they continue to expose all that needs to be addressed by a clear thinking father. Same goes for the pastoral, conciliatory language of Vatican II that would lead a mass of Catholics to believe that the Crusaders of the past were nothing less than evil only to embrace the fallacy that Islam, that is the religion, not the people, is a religion of peace.

            That is why I have no problem with CMTV ‘in the media’. There is a definite need. But there is not a need for grandstanding wherein one group asserts their superior fidelity by crying out that there’s a drunk in the house while excoriating those at the intervention as hating on Dad and the family. Sorry.

            “…I was just surprised how you jumped all over Christine for mentioning that a fake handle was being used; that’s what started all this.” Again, just like looking at the documents of VII for novelties, it is critical to root cause or, at the very least, ask questions prior to laying blame of any kind.

            You may think it’s an axe grinding or swinging too far one way to say there are novelties within VII, but they exist none the less and are causing problems. We’re living through them.

  • Wildgraywolf

    My, look at all that ordinary time… It looks like a conspiracy of… of… something.