Man Vomiting In Alley In Honor Of St. Patrick

March 17, 2016 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Image: Wikicommons

Image: Wikicommons

Calling it a way to show his honor and devotion to St. Patrick, local Catholic John Drexel stumbled outside into the alley behind Hooligans Irish Pub moments after downing three pints of Guinness and two shots of Jameson.

“Oh man, this is awful,” Drexel slurred to random passerby’s as they stopped to laugh and take pictures. “It’s all freaking green! Oh, the devotion I have to St. Patrick comes even from the bowels of my…well, bowels. Oh, St. Patrick, here I am on my knees in honor of you. Please intercede to the Lord on my behalf that I might stop puking that which is good and inebriating.”

After close to another five minutes of vomiting and stumbling about the alley trying to gain footing against the spinning earth, Drexel began to preach to no one in particular, screaming “Patrick is the man!” before spotting one man quietly crossing the street.

“Hey!” Drexel screamed at the man. “Yeah…you three…Look at you all matching idiots walking together looking like a three leaf clover. Hey, d-d-don’t ignore me! Patrick is the man!  Listen…listen to me…old Patty threw the snakes out of Ireland and I swear I’ll throw you clear across the street if guys keep staring at me like that.”

At press time, Drexel’s attempting to run back inside the bar because his “jam” is playing.

  • Jim

    Ah, those heartwarming, liver-leathering St. Patrick’s Day traditions. As they might say back in the auld sod, “Oy!”

    • Wildgraywolf

      Gesundheit Jim.

  • samton909

    When Trump is King, he will throw all of those Irish immigrants out and build a wall around Ireland to keep them there!

    • Boko Fittleworth

      He’s king now, Nostradamus.

  • It’s not what comes out but what goes in that makes a man unclean …leave the man alone … let him celebrate, for tonight no demand will made of his soul.

  • Adam Hovey

    sona lá st Pádraig

  • Wildgraywolf

    Ah, Mr. Drexel is a traditionalist. It’s nice to know that there are folks out there who are “old school”. Cheers!

  • ithakavi

    In God’s Providence, He invented whiskey in order that the Irish would never rule the world.

    • This is as bad as saying: He invented pottage so that we might not be the sons of Esau

      • ithakavi

        There is nothing special about pottage. It might as well have been cottage cheese for all God cared. Whiskey, on the other hand …

        • … and Brandy on the other

          • ithakavi

            No good Irishman could drink brandy. Only the Devil could make spirits out of grapes (and thus pervert the goodness of wine). But to make single malt Irish whiskey from malted Barley requires Divine Inspiration.