Man Vomiting In Alley In Honor Of St. Patrick

March 17, 2016 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Image: Wikicommons

Image: Wikicommons

Calling it a way to show his honor and devotion to St. Patrick, local Catholic John Drexel stumbled outside into the alley behind Hooligans Irish Pub moments after downing three pints of Guinness and two shots of Jameson.

“Oh man, this is awful,” Drexel slurred to random passerby’s as they stopped to laugh and take pictures. “It’s all freaking green! Oh, the devotion I have to St. Patrick comes even from the bowels of my…well, bowels. Oh, St. Patrick, here I am on my knees in honor of you. Please intercede to the Lord on my behalf that I might stop puking that which is good and inebriating.”

After close to another five minutes of vomiting and stumbling about the alley trying to gain footing against the spinning earth, Drexel began to preach to no one in particular, screaming “Patrick is the man!” before spotting one man quietly crossing the street.

“Hey!” Drexel screamed at the man. “Yeah…you three…Look at you all matching idiots walking together looking like a three leaf clover. Hey, d-d-don’t ignore me! Patrick is the man!  Listen…listen to me…old Patty threw the snakes out of Ireland and I swear I’ll throw you clear across the street if guys keep staring at me like that.”

At press time, Drexel’s attempting to run back inside the bar because his “jam” is playing.