Francis Found Weeping In Vatican Men’s Restroom After Learning Of Bad Amoris Laetitia Reviews
Sources confirmed Thursday that Pope Francis was found crawled up in a little ball weeping in the men’s restroom in the Vatican after learning that a number of Catholic bloggers had given his document Amoris Laetitia bad reviews.
“I know that they say you can’t please everyone, but sometimes I just feel like I can’t please anyone,” a depressed and sniffling Francis said as he wrapped his arms around his knees and rocked back and forth on the restroom floor. “Just to think, a guy named Kevin from New Jersey tweeted that I was a heretic. He got 5 likes and two shares. Imagine what’ll happen to my reputation if those two people get shares of their own? It’ll all snowball and people will find out who I really am. They’ll find out that I’m not really a Catholic…that I’m an imposter set upon the destruction of the Church. I’ll be the laughingstock of all my Freemason friends.”
After close to an hour in the restroom, Francis blew his nose and emerged with several Cardinals consoling him.
“He’s so sensitive, poor guy,” one Vatican official told EOTT. “He just wants to be liked. He needs to feel appreciated. Don’t get me wrong, his number one priority is his relationship with Christ, but being accepted by bloggers and Catholics on social media is a very close second.”
At press time, Francis has found new confidence after a pep talk by close friends, and is now furiously commenting on all negative Amoris Laetitia comments on Facebook under the handle, PapaLove266.