Pope To Commission Study To Find More Ways He Can Confuse People

May 12, 2016 by  
Filed under Vatican

Pope Francis said today that he would set up a commission to study whether or not he can find more ways to confuse and frustrate the living crap out of people, revealing an openness to re-examining the church’s long-held insistence on not speaking off-the-cuff.

His move was hailed as a breakthrough by those in the media who have clamored for years to be given more stuff to speculate on, and who cite research showing that a pope whose speeches were scripted and thought out produced nothing for the media to report on, and therefore, pointless.

But the idea will face stiff resistance from some who believe that finding out whether he can indeed find more ways to confuse people is the first step toward drinking during a General Audience, which recent popes have ruled out.

During a discussion at the Vatican on Thursday, which at one point touched on the fact that just saying that a completely absurd idea is a possibility just because you’re put on the spot is in itself absurd, Francis was asked about the possibility of an official commission to study the issue. His response was, in essence, “Why not?”

“Constituting an official commission that might study the question of how I can make the lives of Catholics defending the Church from misinformed Catholics annoying?” Pope Francis said out loud. “I believe yes. It would do good for the Church to clarify this point.”

“I accept,” the pope said later. “It seems useful to me to have a commission that would clarify whether all of my successors should also be obliged to speak without regard to already resolved matters.”

  • Sr. Mary Brigid

    The Commission may actually want to adopt the policy of the Deutsche BischofsKonferenz: “We may be wrong, but we’re never unsure.”

  • The commission’s first document will just be the lyrics of “Gather Us In” written in Comic Sans.

    • Charles

      I beg to differ. Some more rationale bishops/periti will prevail by offering a more conservative hymn, “Scream a new church into being.” Mic drop.

      • Douglas

        Now that is funny!

    • dupledge

      I am certain it will be “Sing a New Song Unto the Lord” 😉

      • ES

        How about “Come as you are”… that’s the “go-to” song of the happy-clappy crowd :-/

  • James Ignatius

    Only modern day pharisees like Dolan, who get confused and have to “clarify” everything the Pope says, are having problems with anything.

    • Mark Lister

      Yeah, Dolan really should focus on being more of, “spiritual but not religious” Bishop. It’s all the rage.

  • Strife

    Remember kids: Bergoglio’s God of surprises!™ never ever ever surprises Bergoglio. And that’s just a Divine coincidence…..

  • camper

    I think your article needs to be clarified. I expect an official statement shortly.

    • samton909

      Father Lombardi has in fact issued a clarification:

      The Holy Father fully realizes that he is more than confusing – all on his own – and no Commission is actually needed to increase the ample amount of confusingness already evident in this Holy Father.

      What the Holy Father meant to say was there should be a Commission created to collect all his confusing thoughts together, so that we may all read them and have a good laugh. “Sort of like a Garfield book”, he said. He elaborated that such a book could have many footnotes and circuitous statements which could hint that the divorced and remarried can now take communion. “It would be fun!” said the Holy Father

  • Brendan Quinn

    At least he is consistent.

    • dupledge

      in His own inconsistent way… 😉

  • Adrian Johnson

    The Vatican Bank is doing a splendid job of confusing its Reforming Director, who says he will not quit unless personally fired by the Pope. The surprised Director had read in a newspaper over breakfast that he has been dismissed.

    Perhaps the Pope’s sudden interest in ordaining deaconesses will solve the problem of Lesbian nuns who have arthritis and have wearied of being Directoresses of Liturgical Dance.

    • Monk

      I believe the word is ‘Directress’, not ‘Directoress’, unless the word is transgendered, which would seem prescient in a tragic way.

      • Adrian Johnson

        OMG, You are correct. You frighten me.
        (I frighten me !)

  • Lawrence Lam

    What will the name of the Motu Proprio be called? Confusius Infinitessimus will be my guess.

    • samton909

      How about “Benedictus qui reliquerit domum,”

  • Strife

    Hi, I’m Jimmy Akin, and here’s 10 things you need to know about Pope Francis’ new efforts to cause confusion:

    1) He’s the pope, therefore he can never commit heresy even when he commits heresy.

    2) He’s the pope, therefore he’s infallible even when he’s fallible.

    3) Not everything the pope says is doctrinal – especially when he changes doctrine.

    4) The pope is not anti-Catholic – even when he spews anti-Catholic nonsense.

    5) Nothing the pope says is nonsense – even when he spews nonsense.

    6) The pope is not God – even thought the pope really is God.

    7) The pope is the most humblest person in the world – and he’s very proud of that fact.

    8) Jesus answers to the pope – even though the pope is Jesus.

    9) The pope is not a communist – even though he thinks like them, speaks like them, sympathizes with them, befriends them, and obsessively advances their agenda.

    10) The pope can do no wrong. Ever. And I don’t just paid a six figure income to say that. Okay. Maybe I do…….

    • Thomas Gillespie


    • Maggie Sullivan

      Thank you for making my day………your post is right on.

    • Oh Strife! Well spoken, thou broker of discord!

      • Guy McClung

        Strife-evidently-comes to bring not peace, but the sword. Very nondialogic

    • Guy McClung

      Jimmy-This is so clear-thank you. Makes crystal my liberalsent principle of NonNonContradiction_ a thing can simultaneoulsy be and not be. There is heaven sent [from God] and liberasent – liberal dissenters, not of God. For example, it is a sin in the external forum and not a sin in the internal forum. Guy McClung, San Antonio, Texas

      • Strife

        That is correct. Because MERCY!!!!

  • Patrick O’Brien

    And this shows his great humility. He doesn’t need any help in confusing people, but he wants to make it seem that he does.

  • St Donatus

    I read somewhere, I think it was the Bible, that there is one Truth (John 14:6 and 17:17), which as we know is BOOORRRRING. Now we have a Pope that can make people interested again. They can have their ears tickled and follow new masters that will tell them what they want to hear. (2 Timothy 4:3) There was someone else that told us what we wanted to hear at Genesis 3:5. You see our eyes are now opened and we are like God, making up for ourselves our own truths. The Francis effect will not bring people streaming into the Church but people streaming out of it.

    As with John the Baptist, we still have prophets crying in the desert for people to repent and come to the truth of Jesus Christ. Saintly people like Cardinal Burke, Father Josef Bisig, Cardinal Sarah, Bishop Paprocki, Archbishop Cordelione, and others. We must not follow Satan, the God of Confusion but only the true God where there is no Confusion. (1 Corinthians 4:33)

    • What Bible is this again? Bob Marley version?

    • Christopher Petty

      In total agreement

    • Sonny Moon

      I’m confused.

  • Akos Tarkanyi

    The style of the first sentence of this article already unmasks and identifies the author of it. He is an enemy of Christianity. If it refers to the question of women deacon, then this is a good article about that topic: https://www.ewtn.com/library/LITURGY/AROSEBY.TXT
    ‘A Rose By Any Other Name. The Ordination of Women to the Diaconate’ by David L. Alexander

    • The style of the second and third sentences of this comment already unmasks and identifies the author of it as a non-English understander.

      • Joaco

        and a non-satire understandowerer. Someone please explain him so he responds more betterer

      • Akos Tarkanyi

        Still I am right…

  • Jim

    Several reporters coughed uncomfortably when they heard about the prohibition regarding drinking during a General Audience.

  • Christopher Petty

    I always saw Francis as being pleased that he was the most “humblest pope the Church has ever had”.

    • Well, he is “virtually” the most humblest pope in Church history. Drives a Kia, does not kia about living in a Palace … sold Christ to feed the poor … sold the Church to further research in global warming … what more proof!?

      • Christopher Petty

        Because humility is not an act. It’s a state of being. A truly humble person you will not see, for they do not show their works for all to see. Remember, Christ spoke at length about this regarding the Pharisees. Doing acts of penance and works for all to see and admire.

        • Technically technically speaking … humility is a virtue, a good habit, maybe a state of being (I have forgotten). And the truly humble are not altogether invisible, seeing that sometimes, as they cannot help it that their works are made manifest to others. But yes, I agree with you in a sense …these showcasing rolling-stones popes are so far from the Christ as dirt is from cleanliness.

    • DAR

      He is so humble he does not wear red shoes. He made sure his decision to wear brown shoes was international news.

      • Christopher Petty

        Lol exactly. A humble person would not draw attention to himself. Don’t misunderstand me, pope JPII drew much attention, but always towards God.

  • On the great feast of Pentecost, today, the first Pope ever, God bless him, Peter, received the gift of Tongues. He spoke and everyone understood him each in his own tongue.

    Whereas, Francis, God save us from him festinately, and his immediate predecessors received another kind of gift (not from Above obviously), a damnable gift of Babel. He spoke and everyone scratched his/her head bald saying: is this not Spanish? How is it that no one, no not one is able to understand Francis – we who are from Argentina, America, Italy, Zimbabwe etc?

  • DebraBrunsberg

    I think they will discover is that the laity is incapable of understanding more than a “sound bite” so any sentence that has more than one-hree syllable word in it, will confuse them.

  • Guy McClung

    This is very confusing. I don’t think that word you are using – “Pope” – means what you think it means.

  • Ray Sullivan

    There is a high probability that there may be a 50-50 chance that the Pope may or may not do this, for sure…