San Diego Bishop To Have Diocese Sprayed In Effort To Fight The Spread Of Orthodoxy

September 8, 2016 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

In an effort to combat what is being called a “fast-moving and highly contagious disease,” officials at the Diocese of San Diego announced today that they will begin spraying for orthodoxy this month.

Diocesan spiritual health officials will spray parts of San Diego after several individuals tested positive for orthodoxy last month.

One San Diego resident recently returned from a one week retreat at a Benedictine monastery where orthodoxy is known to be active. The individual developed symptoms before returning home.

The case was confirmed after testing at the San Diego County Public Spiritual Health Laboratory came back positive.

When diocese Orthodoxy Control inspectors visited the individual’s home, they found a breviary and books by Pope Benedict XVI nearby.

“If Benedict’s books were exposed to others living nearby, they could spread the orthodoxy,” said Janette Durante, Deputy Director of Doctrinal Laxity. “It’s very important for Catholics to inspect in and around their parishes and to toss out anything that comes even close to resembling proper catechesis.”

This Sunday, spiritual officials plan to go door-to-door leaving notifications for Catholics to inform them of where the spraying will occur.

To minimize your exposure to the “anti-ortho” spray, diocesan officials recommend staying inside, closing bibles and catechisms, and covering up crucifixes, although a standard cross without the corpse or a resurrexifix is fine to keep out.

  • The Ubiquitous

    EOTT sure is growing a few teeth lately.

  • Heath Jacks

    Brilliant! And sad…

  • Raymond Moon

    It would be funnier if it weren’t the Diocese directly south of us. Prince of Peace Abbey in Oceanside would be the Benedictine Abbey EOTT would be referring to in their “article”. Sorry to break it to EOTT, but that Abbey is the one that the men who are in formation for the diaconate go to for their spiritual direction. I took spiritual direction from the Abbot there in my first year of Diaconate formation in my diocese of San Bernardino. Great priests there.

    • Monk

      This satirical EOTT piece makes the abbey out to be orthodox. But if you’re saying it’s not, then no anti-orthodoxy spray needs to be applied there.

  • James Watrous

    It’s a bit funny, but I know the real bishop of San Diego, Robert McElroy. Some ultra conservatives dislike even though he’s not really that liberal I might add. He was my pastor for 15 years before he became auxiliary bishop of San Francisco and now bishop of SD. He was an excellent pastor and, from what I could tell, an excellent auxiliary bishop.

    • lindenman

      For all I know, they chose the diocese at random. They had to set the story somewhere, after all. Inventing a place would have been kinder, though.

      • america111

        No, Bishop of San Diego is exactly the man to be worried about.

      • Richard Malcolm

        I tend to doubt they chose it at random.

      • Lee Bacchi

        Which is why I think some of EOTT’s posts are meant not as satire, but attacks on certain individuals.

    • Richard Malcolm

      even though he’s not really that liberal

      You can make a pretty fair argument that he’s the most liberal ordinary in America. The present ordinaries of Chicago and St. Petersburg might be the only other ones in the running.

      • James Watrous

        He always seemed moderate to me.

  • Sr. Mary Brigid

    Broadcasting recordings of “Gather Us In” and “I am the Bread of Life” in areas where the orthodox have been seen will usually repel them over time.

  • ​BREAKING: the Archbishop’s of Chicago, Washington, and New York have now formed protective quarantine and are consulting the COC: Center of Orthodoxy Control and Prevention.

    I’m afraid this was all prophesied in Jorge Orwell’s infamous book “1963”.

  • BREAKING: the Archbishop’s of Chicago, Washington, and New
    York have now formed protective quarantine and are consulting the COC: Center
    of Orthodoxy Control and Prevention.

    I’m afraid this was all prophesied in Jorge Orwell’s book “1963”. ;- )

    .

  • Doug R.

    I initially read this as “spaying for orthodoxy…”

  • samton909

    Did the Martians in the picture bring their own kiddie pools, or are they stealing them from the earthlings?

  • Barbara J. Rickman

    Quick! Bridgeport Dioceses in CT is infected! The Institute of Christ the King, Sovereign Priest is here!!! Call Cardinal Dolan…hurry!

  • Colleen Mahan

    It’s funny . . . But it’s not. I was confirmed at a church in this diocese. Very sad to see now . . .