Hipster Priest Consecrates Fresh Batch Of Seasonal Pumpkin Spice Eucharist

September 19, 2016 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Just in time for the start of Fall, local hipster priest Fr. Kale Adams announced this morning that he has consecrated his first batch of Pumpkin Spice Eucharist.

Although the seasonal pumpkin flavor of Jesus’ body has been condemned by the Vatican, Fr. Adams has told his parishioners that they’re not sheep, but rather, “free souls that can’t be contained by the man or the Vatican.”

“Pumpkin Spice Eucharist allows me to express myself and my love for JC in ways you wouldn’t believe,” Adams told EOTT as he sat down to finish knitting a cover for his iPad. “And listen, to all those establishment bishops in Rome,  I was consecrating before it was cool. And that’s why my parishioners dig me and why so many of them have returned to the Church in the first place. You gotta give them what they want. And what they want is Jesus…Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity, with a flawless blend of cinnamon, clove, nutmeg, and ginger.”

At press time, Fr. Kale Adams is trying on his brand new hemp vestments.

  • Casper

    Well, okay, but no organic Malbec to go with it?

  • Monk

    He’s a little early. Has Thomas’ English Muffins even distributed their seasonal pumpkin version yet? If this guy, I mean priest, starts with the gingerbread men before Thanksgiving, he should really be sent off for rehabilitation. The Roman Calendar has to mean something, or we’re no more relevant than, say, a Walmart Valentine’s display in December.
    We haven’t yet celebrated the 27th Sunday in Ordinary Time!

    • Chris Sawyer

      time is NOT real.

      • Monk

        Really?

        • Sarah Mullen

          Actually, no, it isn’t… man made construct so there’s some order to the chaos.

          • Heinz

            Trying to sort out the chaos is just what programmers do when they implement a calendar.

        • Chris Sawyer

          time is necessary for spirit to function as material substance.. as in Humans. It’s not part of God’s world which is timeless…or at the very least… relative as Einstein… a believer, said.

        • Chuck_Wnj

          The Almighty is always present, in the present, be it in the past, present or future. Therefore time is irrelevant to Him. It matters only to us.

  • Wiffle The Deplorable

    I assume that this will be paired with a selection of wines? The Blood of Christ cannot be some sort of blase red wine as it might destroy the je ne sais quois.

    • Mulled cider.

    • Heinz

      Are you related to the other wiffle (the undeplorable)?

      • Wiffle The Deplorable

        I’ve been told that, yes, but it’s just a vicious rumor. 🙂

  • Where can I find them? I’m an Episcopal priest so no worries about Vatican’t.

  • Alphatron Shinyskullus

    St. Thomas Aquinas addressed this in the Summa, stating:

    “If, however, intellectual spiritual pleasures be compared with sensible bodily pleasures, then, in themselves and absolutely speaking, spiritual pleasures are greater. And this appears from the consideration of the three things needed for pleasure, viz. the good which is brought into conjunction, that to which it is conjoined, and the conjunction itself. For spiritual good is both greater and more beloved than bodily good: a sign whereof is thatmen abstain from even the greatest bodily pleasures, rather than suffer loss of honor which is an intellectual good.” (ST I-II, Q5)

    Therefore, pumpkin spice Eucharist is best paired with the Gospel of John to maximize the intellectual and spiritual pleasures, lest the pumpkin spice be too strong for the readings of the day.

    • Monk

      You have the words of everlasting spice.

    • Chris Sawyer

      body (taste), mind, and spirit… Father, Son, Holy Ghost… as above so below… cannot in good conscience separate any of it, or say one is ‘above’ the other… I am suspect of ole Thom’s translation there buddy…I think he’s smarted than that.

  • Fr. Geoff Horton

    I hate to be the guy with no sense of humor, but deliberate use of invalid matter is blasphemy and blasphemy is never something to joke about. It is one thing to be edgy; it is another to be blasphemous; and this post crosses the line.

    • Chris Sawyer

      which part of “All things work together for good… … … ” did you not get.

      • Fr. Geoff Horton

        God can bring good out of evil. That doesn’t make it right to do evil, and joking about blasphemy is evil.

        • Ron Roberts

          It’s (the bread) just a material “accident” anyway as we are reminded by God himself in The Dialogs of Saint Catherine.

          • Fr. Geoff Horton

            If it’s not bread made from wheat flour and water only (Eastern Rites add whatever it takes to make it rise, but that’s it) to start with, it does not become the Body of Christ. It’s not an “accident.” It has to be there or there is no sacrament.

          • Ron Roberts

            Don’t blame me…God is the one that called it an accident…lest you doubt that God’s dialogue with Catherine is a true and faithful record of their dialogue. Aquinas agrees with the fact that the all the “accidents”of bread and wine (accidents taken in the philosophical sense) remain following transubstantiation. I’m not too worried about dancing on the head of a pin regarding the validity or liciety of the matter you can waste your time there to your hearts content.

          • Heinz

            Is the dialogue accepted as additional revelation by God and thus inerrant?
            If not, don’t start your argument like: “Not me, God said this”.

          • Ron Roberts

            I don’t think it’s any more or less without error than “If it’s not bread made from wheat flour and water only to start with, it does not become the Body of Christ.” so whatta gonna do?

          • Heinz

            Well, there is a lot of symbolism in the bible and bread takes up a major part in it.
            If God reuses the same theme just to make sure that everybody understands the meaning and connections, there is value in that.
            I do not ever reject what Catherine said, it is “true from a certain perspective” as Obi Wan Kenobi would say. But the church teaches for all and thus sticks to the safe teaching.

            Symbols are symbols. They are not God.
            But if you are too free in interchanging them, they lose their meaning.
            What is the relation between the Manna bread, the bread of life, the bread that Jesus broke on multiple occasions and the pumpkin spice wafer?
            Bread stands for life, muffins for pleasure. So there are natural limits on changing the symbolism and they are rooted in the bible.
            Forget the bible, forget the meaning of all symbols and then it does not matter anymore what your stuff is made of.

          • Ron Roberts

            You raise an interesting point….”what is the relation between a stamped white Jesus cookie” and the bread used at the last supper?

          • Heinz

            I just started on an explanation and realized that I would just repeat and elaborate my earlier words. So obviously I do not understand the context of your question. It looks a bit as if you are Christian, having highest esteem for the last supper (an event happened once millenia ago), but do not believe in the real presence today.

            So my argument must defer to those who lived that many years ago. A quick search spew out this collection of handy citations:
            http://www.therealpresence.org/eucharst/father/fathers.htm

            I find it quite obvious which importance of the Eucharist was taught to these people by the apostles. Unless you think that without protection of the holy spirit so many church fathers jumped to the same wrong conclusion about what St. Peter and Paul said just at the time when those stopped writing letters that would have corrected these practices.

            And please don’t call the most holy body of our Lord Jesus Christ a “Jesus cookie” just because you disbelieve it’s importance. It could be construed as an insult with the intention to ridicule.

          • Ron Roberts

            I do believe in the real presence. I think too much hand wringing, about the recipe used for the bread, has occurred. It should have the appearance of bread to fully and faithfully convey that which occurred at the last supper, hosts fall short, and yes, abuses in the other direction also exist. But this notion that the matter has to be nothing but wheat and water is nonsense. We’re so crazy with this that they spend 10 years developing a gluten free host from gelatinized wheat starch. Yeah, like that is bread-like. Aquinas quoting Augustine reflects on excess piety several times “But Holy Writ teaches us to worship God. Therefore there can be superstition by reason of excess even in the worship of God.” and “”The kingdom of God is within you,” against the “superstitious,” those, to wit, who pay more attention to externals.” and “–all this must be reckoned excessive and superstitious, because consisting, as it does, of mere externals, it has no connection with the internal worship of God.” Make it look like bread, I don’t care if it’s leavened or unleavened and quit being superstitious about the “externals”.

          • Heinz

            Oh, then we are far more agreed than I initially thought. 🙂
            Only, I do not see it as superstition if somebody tries to be extra careful of the materials used.

            As for “should have the appearance of bread […] at the last supper”, isn’t that the point here? Jesus celebrated the Passover and that quite clearly demands that it must be unleavened bread. The Jews were (and still are) pretty picky about the stuff they use. Isn’t there even the tradition where the father hides a piece of bread in the house so that the children can participate in the symbolic cleaning of the house.
            http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Holidays/Spring_Holidays/Pesach/Preparations/preparations.html

            Last easter in fact we tried making “matzo”. The kosher way of doing it even demands a certain maximum time between water touching the wheat and the final product.
            The wafers that are used here in europe do not look like those matzo. But the intend is clearly there and sufficient care has been given. Not all matzo look the same. Why do you think the wafers fall short?

            As for gluten intolerant people… That’s tricky. On the one hand there are people pretending, and they should not be the one to drive the practices. On the other hand, there seem to be nowadays people that react violently to gluten. They need a substitute.
            What can I say? I have no final opinion about this. But I welcome opinions, both that want to spend excessive time developing a wheat-based substitute as those that say that if the bread alone is enough, then also the blood alone would be enough. I would not go so far as to declare it a non-issue and use whatever happens to be in the cupboard.

            I just read that the leavening of the bread was one of the major points in the great schism. The topic is not an easy one.

          • Ron Roberts

            The bread is the bread of a people preparing to flee. Hurry my people! Make some bread and don’t bother leavening it cause you gotta go, take what you have in the pantry, mix it with some water and bake it on a hot stone and hit the road. From that a bunch of “superstitious” rules arose. Apparently scrupulous behavior spans the ages. Leavened or not … it still works (ask our Orthodox brethren). Similarly we have our “strict translationalists” who insist on “the many” when, in fact, the spoken words of institution aren’t even necessary and we all know that Jesus shed his blood for all even if it got lost in translation along the way.

          • Heinz

            Interesting! But you are doing your own exegesis now. If the only point of the bread was to eat it quickly, then why not take the rest of yesterday’s bread?
            The normal way of making sourdough bread was to take some of the currently growing bread-dough and add new flour for tomorrow. Absolutely no reason not to use that before quickly departing in the morning.

            You basically say: I know why the bread was supposed to be unleavened and because that same argument does not hold for us, it’s unimportant. But your reason does not satisfy me. If speed was the measure, then why not say: “Eat the quickest meal that you have and help your neighbour to pack.” Why say: “Eat this particular stuff and prepare it in this particular way.”?

            No, I’m pretty sure the tradition of “making clean house” before leaving is very much on point. Leave all the long-time prepared stuff away. Do not bother with yesterday’s food. Maybe even: Do not eat the stuff that you usually eat. I found there is normally this kind of symbolic meaning in everything in the bible. Read the prophets…

            The Jews already at the time of Jesus had developed certain rules as to how the Passover meal should be. We have no evidence that Jesus deviated from this, so He used unleavened bread. Do we agree so far?

            Now you say, the fact that the bread was unleavened was an accident. In the same way we can say that the fact that it was bread and not chicken was an accident. That it was Passover was an accident, it should have been the time of Moses’ covenant, which was being replaced by Jesus’ new covenant – let’s celebrate easter then!
            The clothes they were wearing – those were accidents and we cannot replicate that, because it is not recorded. But the time and the food were specified in very much detail. There must be some significance in it!?

            So the orthodox prove that “it works”? How so? Do the protestant prove that it works with a female priest and do the Episcopalians prove that it can be done by a clown? How do you know that it does not work with chicken? I find this very thin ice!
            The closest that I know of a proof would be St. John Paul II.’s uncanny ability to detect the blessed sacrament behind closed doors (I heard that on some youtube video – not precisely a good source, but I’m 1/3 into his biography, maybe it will come up there).

            But hey, all I say is that I do not understand the whole significance. That’s why I’d try to stick to as many details as are reasonable. Unleavened wafers work very well, so that’s fine with me. If in doubt, trust that the holy spirit guides pope and church to a satisfactory conclusion.
            I find it pragmatic that the church must say: “It only works in this way”, even if God can make it work in any way.

          • Ron Roberts

            Go look up the philosophical concept of “accident”, spend less time watching YouTube for your catechesis. And we don’t know what was in the bread that Jesus used at the last supper so I guess I’ll have to say no we don’t agree this far.

          • Heinz

            When I said “Now you say, the fact that the bread was unleavened was an accident.” I was obviously (you can read up your own words easily) paraphrasing. You did not use the word “accident”. While I am aware of the philosophical concept of “accident”, I did mean the ordinary meaning of the word.

            Just out of curiosity (again don’t worry, this is not my only way of obtaining information) I typed “was the bread a” into the search bar. Guess which rather long question was suggested immediately?

            BTW, what is the problem with learning from YouTube? It’s just a medium, isn’t it? There can be bad videos by mislead people and there can be good ones by others that also write books. A book is another medium, where we also find bad and good examples. Then there is personal dialogue, but then again, I might not have access to somebody as read as Scott Hahn, Bishop Barron or Tim Gray. Do you really think that learning from YouTube and internet searches is in itself wrong? Of course there is also prayer, but I usually don’t ask about church history there.

            Anyhow, this way I found a good answer on “Catholic answers”:
            “””The Council of Florence approved the use of either kind of bread in 1439, so the use of leavened or unleavened bread is a question of licitness, not validity. This was infallibly defined.

            The council stated, “We have likewise defined that the body of Christ is truly effected in unleavened or leavened wheaten bread and that priests ought to effect the body of our Lord in either one of these, and each one namely according to the custom of his Church, whether that of the West or of the East” (Decree for the Greeks).

            Roman-rite Catholics are not permitted to use leavened bread, however (Code of Canon Law 926). The Church desires uniformity to show that the sacrifice of the Mass is the same sacrifice everywhere. Using leavened bread would not invalidate the Eucharist, but it would be a grave error to disobey the Church and a long, venerable tradition. Eastern-rite churches in communion with Rome are allowed to retain their own tradition of using leavened bread.”””

            I guess I should go and check the passages in the Council documents, but I content myself with the Canon Law: http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/_P3A.HTM

            So while the debate is still raging whether the word “artos” in a context where some would expect “azumos” (I would not) proves that Jesus used leavened bread – despite clear requirements in Exodus (Ex 12:15), the church has infallibly allowed both.
            Now I believe that Christ’s sentence about christian unity is a command (something that we have to actively work for) and not a statement (something that just is), and so I rejoice in the opportunity to eat the same bread as all other catholics (even if mass produced).

            Not in the least does this look like superstition. And I am still sure that unleavened is precisely the bread Jesus used, as he instituted a new exodus. Further listening: “Letter & Spirit – The Eucharist, Dr. Scott Hahn, Hatfield, PA, March 3, 2007” on YouTube or alternatively his book(s) if you have an antipathy for YouTube.

          • RosaryVictory

            Accident is the color, taste and appearances of bread and wine after consecration into the Body and Blood of Christ.

          • RosaryVictory

            The leaven of the Pharisees was cautioned against by Jesus.

          • Heinz

            Yes, I think leaven was used as a metaphor for different things. In the context of passover, it is something intrinsically evil that needs to be left behind.
            In other contexts it is more neutrally “that which is added to make it grow”, referring to teaching. Those can be good or bad depending on the teacher.

          • RosaryVictory

            It is we who are lost. Jesus is before all ages, in time and in eternity.

          • RosaryVictory

            The consecrated Host is the Body and Blood of Christ. Some Hosts have miraculously bled and these Hosts are preserved as miraculous.

          • RosaryVictory

            Some persons are allergic to gluten and some to leavening. Holy Mother Church cares for ALL of her children.

          • RosaryVictory

            The Holy Mass is an unbloody commemoration of The Crucifixion.

          • RosaryVictory

            “If the Holy Eucharist is a symbol, it can go to hell” author unknown.

          • RCThoughts

            Find out the story behind that quote and its speaker in this video: https://youtu.be/RFkT2qjqO-c

          • RosaryVictory

            The Catholic Church regulates the purity of the bread and wine. To not adhere to the church’s directives is to separate oneself from communion in the church. It is called self-excommunication. Jesus Christ is head of the Catholic Church. To leave the church is to leave Jesus Christ.

          • RosaryVictory

            God, the Supreme Sovereign Being, is three sovereign persons in the Trinity of sovereign persons. All persons, especially God Himself and all men created in sovereign personhood must be referred to as ‘”WHO”, never a “that” nor a “which” for “that” and “which” address a thing, not a sovereign person.

          • Chris Sawyer

            the point of action is activated by the Faith of the Receiver, not some wheat, water, and yeast.. however the durn purist wanna have only wheat and water cracker….why not make it just taste nasty and us soured mash on a griddle. I mean, I’m a Baker, was even in the union and all. I’ll make it however you want… the substance is one of faith…. not some cracker. All it is is an act of “if any two agree, it shall be done by my Father… … “

          • RosaryVictory

            The Church has rubrics to guide any making of hosts.

          • Mark Nicolais

            Orthodox and Apostolic Christians, do by in large use leavened bread, except the armenians. But they also make the preparation of the altar bread part of the liturgy, the Nestorians have the rite of holy kneading. Given that 80% of Roman Catholic altar bread in the USA is mass-produced by machines according to a fully automated production process, I would be a little more concerned about our bread being made correctly than if this article is blasphemous. Altar bread much like my grandmothers easter bread is a sacramental not just some product, that needs to function well in liturgy. Bread in the domestic Church and especially in the Public body ought to be made with the highest quality ingredients, honoring it as food and the product of the sweat of our brow. Currently, we use the lowest quality raw materials, don’t pay attention to social justice and sustainability in our altar bread production, and have largely settled on crumbless wafers with a sealed edge as being better than bread made by the hands of nuns or the hands of the laity. Roman Catholicism is unique in all of Apostolic Orthodoxy, in that the use of sophisticated technology has largely replaced our unique altar bread making traditions and replaced them with an instrument of pure capitalism. We make our bread more like the indutsrial food system or how Bain Capital produces Manischewitz Matzo.

          • Shawn

            Source for all that, especially the statistic?

          • Mark Nicolais

            i am currently writing my thesis on Altar bread so to give you all my sources would be a little much, but http://archive.boston.com/news/local/rhode_island/articles/2008/11/30/breaded_bliss/

          • Heinz

            Thanks. I read that article. It is at times opinionating, but it confirms your statistic of 80% market share in the english speaking world. However, it being a family business of catholics, I see nothing really objectable about the practice of mass-producing the wafers.
            You say that the ingredients should not be the cheapest and that they infringe on social justice. Where does that come from?
            Cheap water? Probably not. Cheap wheat? Maybe. But unethical so that it merits protesting? Is it worse than what you eat as “secular” bread every day?
            I mean, this is serious matter. If there is something unethical, it should be protested. But if not, then you should not idly question it’s legitibility.

            “The company’s manufacturing floor is a humming assembly line of weird, Willie Wonka-like machines. Contraptions custom-built by the Cavanaghs will thud, click sharply, and whoosh at odd intervals, like the percussion section of a highly experimental jazz band.”
            – indeed!

          • Mark Nicolais

            The use of fine white flour, which orthodoxy still uses is tied to a historically determined understanding of health, wealth and wisdom of the ancient world that gave rise to a preference for white four.

            Roman Catholic allowance and growing preference for whole wheat, is the Church’s response to making the bread so as to have the “appearances of genuine food”
            Is whole wheat more foodlike, or do we know generally understand whole wheat, to be better for you than white flour?So to use a whole wheat actually updates orthodoxy with regard to bread. Its not the use of white flour shaped in a certain way that makes something orthodox, but the desire to offer to God the best we have, through dignifying the liturgy. The ancient world thought white flour was the best, now we know whole wheat is better. Plus when you read how Sarah kneads and bakes bran flour into bread for the 3 angels in Genesis, this seems to substantiate the preference for a brown bread. By removing the Germ and the Bran through the invention of the roller mill, we also robed bread of its vital nutirients.

            ADM wheat, Read http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/human-life-and-dignity/agriculture-nutrition-rural-issues/for-i-was-hungry-pastoral-reflection-part-3.cfm

            Capitalism
            http://www.smh.com.au/national/not-even-a-miracle-can-save-communion-wafers-from-us-hegemony-20110729-1i46p.html

            The imposition of a dominant lifestyle linked to a single form of
            production can be just as harmful as the altering of ecosystems. Laudato Si 145 http://w2.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/encyclicals/documents/papa-francesco_20150524_enciclica-laudato-si.html

            my issue is not with a lay family producing altar bread, it is what the Church has allowed to be considered a suitable tool.

            Technology
            However, it is also a fact that, in some instances, technology can cease
            to be man’s ally and become almost his enemy, as when the mechanization
            of work “supplants” him, taking away all personal satisfaction and the
            incentive to creativity and responsibility, when it deprives many
            workers of their previous employment, or when, through exalting the
            machine, it reduces man to the status of its slave. LABOREM EXERCENS 5 http://w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_jp-ii_enc_14091981_laborem-exercens.html

            Best possible materials are required for liturgy. Is our altar bread really the best quality food, made so as to reflect and embody our most deeply held beliefs. Can mass-produced ever really mean produced specifically for mass.

            48. Like the woman who anointed Jesus in Bethany, the
            Church has feared no “extravagance”, devoting the best of her
            resources to expressing her wonder and adoration before the unsurpassable
            gift of the Eucharist. No less than the first disciples charged with
            preparing the “large upper room”, she has felt the need, down the
            centuries and in her encounters with different cultures, to celebrate the
            Eucharist in a setting worthy of so great a mystery. In the wake of Jesus’ own
            words and actions, and building upon the ritual heritage of Judaism, the Christian
            liturgy was born Ecclesia de Eucharistia

            http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/special_features/encyclicals/documents/hf_jp-ii_enc_20030417_ecclesia_eucharistia_en.html

            Given that the Church has demonstarted a concern for feeding the Fullness of the Body of Christ, the Fullness of the Symbol by developing low gluten wafers. Materially speaking we know down to parts million the gluten content necessary for real altar bread.

            But yet no concern on the part of the Church as to encouraging the use of varieties of wheat that are more nutritional (when available) and therefore more nourishing and symbolizing food all the more better. Every other orthodox or apostolic Church uses their hands in there bread production.

            Eastern European Jews tend to prefer handmade carefully guarded wheat matzo. Like the kind the President serves during his passovers.

            Hindus offering Chapati, would use the best quality handmade flat breads.

            Why is is that English Speaking Roman Catholic and Western European and American Jews largely use unleavened wheat bread made by machines?

          • Mark Nicolais

            And I have not question its licitness nor its validity, thats way above my paygrade.

          • Heinz

            Thanks! You have some good points.
            I do not share your intensity about it, but I would certainly prefer if the faithful would do more work for the church. That includes cleaning the pews and feeding the poor as much as making the best possible bread for the hosts.
            However it is debatable what is the “best possible” in the declining church in the countries that you mention.
            Some are of the opinion that because there are less demands we have less attendance, some think we must have less demands because we have less attendance.

            Our organist is now too old and will not play the organ anymore. Some of us are practicing to fill the gap, but obviously the mass does not become invalid just because we are too weak to provide the perfect.

            I still guess we are in full agreement about the matter. 🙂
            Do you know any good guides for somebody who wants to hand-produce the wafers?

          • Shawn

            As I posted above about the statistic…

            The problem is that the bread makers claim that (and there is no other source for it), but where in the world would they have statistics on where every single church buys the unconsecrated bread? Does the government keeps tabs on this?

            They also sell to Lutherans, Baptists,etc. So if the stat is true, it could not be 80% of Roman Catholics because they do business with other denominations.

          • RosaryVictory

            Any ingredient that is not pure will not be consecrated. No matter how many times the priests say the words of Consecration at Mass.

          • Shawn

            The problem is that the bread makers claim that (and there is no other source for it), but where in the world would they have statistics on where every single church buys the unconsecrated bread? Does the government keeps tabs on this?

            They also sell to Lutherans, Baptists,etc. So if the stat is true, it could not be 80% of Roman Catholics because they do business with other denominations.

          • RosaryVictory

            too many particles of the consecrated Host are disrespected. Consecrated croutons and leavened bread leave to many particles to be lost.

          • Mark Nicolais

            Lean breads as opposed to enriched breads are all about the crust, just look at any frozen pizza box to know the importance of crust for a lean bread. Currently we have a company that has seized upon this reality and transformed the crust of our unleavened bread into a carefully and molded sealed edge. This innovation upon the material nature of altar bread has nothing to do with taste, but the perceived respect of the Eucharistic Body of Christ. We now make “bread?” that produces virtually no crumbs. But what is entailed in this process, why did it come about? Without crumbs is the purification of the paten even necessary? Should it be abandoned? Is a process that eliminates the need for manual human labor problematic especially in light of the principle of Lex orandi Lex credendi, “fruit of the earth work of human hands”
            Is a bread with no crumbs and made without hands somehow cleaner and more pure? Given that genesis 3:19 describes Humanity’s relationship with bread as a consequence of original sin, and the result of the sweat of our brow, handmade bread seems to me to be a way to profoundly acknowledge oneself as a sinner. We long for the bread of heaven, bread not made by human hands. To no longer have to work for it. To be given it like Abraham was, when he received the bread and wine from Melchizedek. Melchizedek as a type of Christ, a foreshadowing of the Christ, who is without origin, has bread that similarly is without origin. Especially when compared to the fact that Abraham had Sarah knead and bake bread in the next instance of bread in the scriptures, when the three angels come. Would a Roman Catholic living in the Star trek universe use the replicator to produce altar bread? Just as the Church has said in the document Built on Living Stones that

            93
            Candles for liturgical use should be made of a material that provides “a living flame without being smoky or noxious.” To safeguard “authenticity and the full symbolism of light,” electric lights as a substitute for candles are not permitted.

            I argue that by analogy we ought to safeguard the “authenticity and the full symbolism of bread” by ensuring some level of real human labor(forehead sweat producing kind) in the process of the production.

            And again in the same document

            147
            The integrity and energy of a piece of art, produced individually by the labor of an artist, is always to be preferred above objects that are mass-produced.

            Now i realize this document is delineating the rubrics for liturgical architecture, elements, furnishings and art, and does not explicitly mention the bread and wine, but how is it that everything else in the Church’s Liturgy ought to conform to the above standard except bread and wine, when bread and wine are the only truly necessary matter for the Eucharist, in fact you can’t have the Eucharist without them,

            Can. 927 It is absolutely forbidden, even in extreme urgent necessity, to consecrate one matter without the other or even both outside the eucharistic celebration.

            In summary since “Catholic people have the right that the Sacrifice of the Holy Mass should be celebrated for them in an integral manner, according to the entire doctrine of the Church’s Magisterium.” Redemptionis Sacramentum

            I argue that our bread needs to be made in a manner that fully embodies the teachings found here
            http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/justpeace/documents/rc_pc_justpeace_doc_20060526_compendio-dott-soc_en.html

            and heeds the Church’s warning found here

            http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/human-life-and-dignity/agriculture-nutrition-rural-issues/for-i-was-hungry-pastoral-reflection-part-1.cfm

          • Richardson McPhillips

            they can also add rose water

          • RosaryVictory

            No they cannot add anything unless the church rules allow it and the church rules do not allow it.

          • Richardson McPhillips

            Perhaps. In fact they do add rose water, at least in some very orthopractical parishes, and no one complains.

          • RosaryVictory

            The Catholic Church in whose service priests are allied are supposed to acknowledge the rubrics of the church. Disobedience is the sin of Adam and Eve.

        • Chris Sawyer

          Thank you for taking the time to respond. I assume you have the status of friar. I guess that means brother? Yep I too am a friar then. as in “those who know and do the will of my Father are my brothers and sisters.” Aside… you got a real narrow minded legalistic view. The Liiving Christ, and also my brother… IS hip, and has a sense of humor you wouldn’t believe if it smacked you. This Good (positive) Evil (negative) will break your neck lookiing from side to side… why not just use the battery and not worry about how the current flows. If it ain’t simple, it’s prolly not real.

          • Maureen T Strong

            I take it you are NOT a Catholic.

          • Chris Sawyer

            no, I’m not… and as a Christian organization it galls me that you’all do the least of any with the most assets of any church in the world… I am however interested in knowing how you’all think these ancient rituals foster love and brotherhood in the world of man.

          • Heinz

            If you are interested in what “we all” think, why do you pick the most extreme comment and argue with him?
            Does the extreme reflect the whole?

          • Chris Sawyer

            he seemed to me to be the most ‘stuck’. I’d be right in assuming that many think like he does?

          • Chris Sawyer

            when I tried to fit in with the Methodists… it became really obvious I was not a sheep… however they did say I could be their goat.. and I accepted that status….

          • Heinz

            We don’t “think” the rituals foster something, we feel it, because we do it. How can you tell us that when we feel connected with all catholics around the world throught the body of christ, that we are not fostering love and brotherhood?
            I’m sad if you do not feel it, but not all are like you. Some delight in beauty, some do not understand it.

          • Chris Sawyer

            I feel it.. without all the hoopla.. every day every minute. I even feel connected to all believers no matter… it’s the hierarchy I have trouble with.. as I said, I bypassed intercessors, but God did show me this planet belongs to Jesus…

          • Chris Sawyer

            I never in a million years expected to be judged or have my input excluded because I am not one of you’uns..I was taught Jesus was ALL INCLUSIVE>

          • Heinz

            I find such a statement too vague. It’s partially right (and I guess you mean that), but it’s also wrong, which is easily shown:
            Jesus rejects and fights sin. Jesus is not all inclusive to sin.
            God punishes the sinner, that is clearly shown throughout the bible.

            Jesus is love, and loves all men, sinner and saint.

            So if you interpret Maureen’s statement as a judgment about you (which I do not think was meant in that way), then see it as a careful discernment. You are loved as any human is loved. You are loved as much as we love the last terrorist bomber and we do not exclude you.
            But that does not mean that all our walls are fallen down and the doors have no guards.
            Much harm has come to the world through false teachings, so as long as all we have are some of your words in a combox, “we” are careful when talking to “you”.

          • Chris Sawyer

            All have sinned… and will continue to have some until the day we are called home.. however, God sees it, in my humble opinion as a non thing.. and Jesus prayed in the Garden that all would be saved and none should perish… any Father would answer that prayer for Him. .as my faith has shown me over and over and over again.

          • RosaryVictory

            Jesus is the TRUTH. “Seek ye the truth. The truth will set you free.”

          • Heinz

            God’s thoughts are so high above ours, that we cannot grasp them. I would not call that simple.
            If only simple were true, than all thinking is vain.

            The good thing about comboxes is that dialogue happens.
            For that people must try to understand the other’s position.
            I do not agree with the fervour of Fr. Horton, but I do understand and agree with his point. You have converse with him mostly, because you disagree and want to prove him (and all other catholics with one clap) wrong.

            But that is just my theory based on what you write. If you can try to understand my point, you can address it.

          • Chris Sawyer

            it has been my experience that God hid his Truth in simplicity… one does not need study or a extra measure of smartness to find Him…altho some come in the back door of intellectualism, I have found it to be an impediment… it’s my point that simplicity is a measure on should use to practice discernment as far as God’s will goes…

          • Heinz

            I agree that you do not need to study, to love God. The foolish will understand while the wise do not.
            But that does not mean that there is no value in activating our mind in the search for the truth.
            I for one have a secular life which requires a lot of rational thinking and teaches a mistrust of self. For me, reading all the great works of Apologists and Doctors of the Church has been a great consolation and increased my faith.

            As catholics we are the “AND/BOTH” people. Yes, we need God and we would not gain a bit on our own merit. But yes, it is fruitful to discern and think, to teach and rationalise. That’s why there is so much truth in the church.

          • Chris Sawyer

            AA is my church. I am not here to offend or prove anyone wrong…I became a pilgrim in my 20’s. I have surrendered all to Him, and have been walking in His walk many years now.

          • Chris Sawyer

            the miracle I sought and needed required that I bypass the intercessors and go straight to the Father…

          • Heinz

            Alcoholics Anonymous? That’s a great institution, but not a church. You surely mean something else?

            I am happy for your closeness to God. But see that you are the one who came here to tell us that we are praying to God in the wrong way. We did not seek you out to tell you that you will not be saved outside of the church.
            There is that danger, yes, but we cannot be sure. All that we can be sure of is that the church is a blessing for us and brought is to Christ, much in the same way as you report of yourself (but sans the church).

            We have seen over the years too many people that were like you and burned up. If I think whether I want to be like you, “walking his walk”, I see all those that have lost all their faith, because they jumped too far.
            I pray that this will not happen to you, but do not feel insulted, if I/we worry about those out on the ocean, while we are sitting here on this rock.

          • Chris Sawyer

            sorry you feel that way.. all I did was share my experience.. AA is indeed a church… whatever. Here’s my view.. there is One God who has ALL power. I asked a wise man, if this is so, why are there so many churches all saying they are the right one…his answer.”there are that many spiritual diseases, and each one address a particular one for those people, your spiritual disease is alcoholism, therefore AA can be your church.” It’s where I fellowship is about it… and we share what has been revealed to us by the Father himself at every meetings.. how is that not church?
            as you prolly know… alcoholics have one outstanding characteristic, we are defiant… however God even has an answer for us too… check out Father Martin or Brother Lawrence.. .two very enlightened Catholics who have helped me a lot.

          • Chris Sawyer

            bless you too… however I am firmly rooted and experience amazement daily.. which keeps me safe in gratitude. I realize I know only a little, perhaps only enough to get on with MY walk… and I also realize we all have to find our own way.. what’s right for me will not fit your feet and vice versa.. I’m quite sure God put you where you are and for you, it’s PERFECT as it is in this day. More will be revealed as we trudge the road of happy destiny.

          • Chris Sawyer

            hhhhaaaa haha.. I burned up so long ago it’s not funny.. I was spiritually dead and in the hell of hells… not only was I set free, I was resurrected with a new ‘body’ which totally healed from a hopeless situation.. my last shrink sent me a letter saying don’t come back I can’t help you… I own and operate an organic farm/treatment center and have for the past 20 years. I am not a slacker or some crazy man.. I’m just a poor man, and a pilgrim. I have given it all away to others with nothing asked in return. I retired from the stressful work two years ago and God has given me rest now…

          • Chris Sawyer

            AA is the best example of unconditional love on the planet. I dare say.

          • Chris Sawyer

            The practice also demands all the same tenants you subscribe to… surrender, acceptance, confession, repentance, restitution, and so forth.

          • Heinz

            Great. I’m am very happy for you. Stay on that path!

            And please limit the amount of responses you write.

          • Chris Sawyer

            I’m done now… you got the whole happy enchilada brother! roflmao. You wouldn’t deny me the right to explain myself when so heavily accused of blasphemy would you.. I’m pretty sure the Pope will agree with a lot of what I have to say and vindicate me in the end. Good Day.

          • Heinz

            My cold words do, alas, not reflect my feelings. I do not deny you the right to explain yourself. I merely hinted that neither me (nor I guess the majority of others) will answer to such a flood of messages, or even read them all. You have done me no evil by writing this all, so no need to apologize, but I am afraid that others might not feel like this.
            It is uncommon, and honestly rather dangerous IMO, to open up quite so wide on a public forum. Where is the decency? What is interesting to find out about a stranger, who tells you his life story unasked?

            I also did not accuse you of blasphemy. Did somebody else?

            And the pope is not the one to vindicate you in the end. 🙂

          • Chris Sawyer

            I was told I was evil because I was joking about blasphemy. Also, notice I am using my real name in these posts… the decent thing is to use my life in such as way as it may help another. I cannot do that hiding my light under some durned bushel basket. Furthermore, since God has all power, it is not up to you or I who reads what here, this article has been shared over 30,000 times.

          • Chris Sawyer

            my mom was a PhD, biophysics from Leeds, Church of England. Dad was also a PhD, Supt. of Sunday school, First Church of Christ Scientist…I got it from both sides. Alcohol was a great thing when I first found it, cause nothing else was working… I was seeking death, not once but twice in my life…I am a real person here buddy, not some flip comedian. I am sharing what I found to be TRUTH.. in the highest of high sense.

          • Chris Sawyer

            sick and tired of hiding my light because somebody said so #dontpokethebear

          • Chris Sawyer

            dunno.. God speaks to and thru me.. and many others. He is concerned with us…therefore … … … it follows that we can indeed grasp them in context of our daily walk with Him.

          • RosaryVictory

            In Him, there was no guile.

        • samton909

          No one was joking about blasphemy. Someone was joking about hip priests who would like to do this sort of thing.

        • Joan Seymour

          I think he was joking about priestly silliness, rather than about blasphemy. Making pumpkin spice eucharistic bread and consecrating might be blasphemy, but joking about the silliness of some personalities isn’t.

      • Maureen T Strong

        Chris, all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose… To apply that to using invalid substances for consecrations is a stretch to say the least

        • Chris Sawyer

          I have no idea how I got in here…someone shared this article on my time line…

          • Chris Sawyer

            I have also been a huge fan of Father Martin for over 42 years.

        • Chris Sawyer

          I also have HUGE respect for Brother Lawrence.. who wrote Practice the Presence of God many centuries ago..

    • Monk

      Father Horton, please don’t tag satire as sacrilege. I cannot recall an EOTT post which condoned the mocking of holy things. Rather, the satirical posts simply highlight (and sometimes exaggerate) the actual sacrileges taking place daily in our beloved Church. My parish, for example, commemorated the most recent Palm Sunday of the Lord’s Passion with guitars and “Let There Be Peace on Earth” at the Sunday “Contemporary Mass”. Parishioners have become so dulled in their spiritual sensibilities by clergy offering only banality that they may only awaken with the aid of satire such as this.

      • Fr. Geoff Horton

        I am not a humorless jerk (and I am aware that every humorless jerk denies being one). I am aware that not all satire is sacrilege. But it is also true that being satire does not automatically excuse from a charge of sacrilege.

        • RosaryVictory

          Justice is predicated on intent. The satire was aimed at ingnorant clergy in hope of reconciliation with the truth.

      • Lee Bacchi

        Please let us know where pumpkin spice hosts are actually being used, will you?

        • Monk

          Well, now I don’t know which is worse, taking satire seriously, or literally, or being in denial that many liturgies are so banal that they may as well use seasonal hosts, or faulting the messenger who merely confirms that many clergy give the faithful very little reason to have reverence where it is most appropriate.

          • RosaryVictory

            Man is created with a rational soul and endowed with intellect. Use of the rational soul is necessary.

        • RosaryVictory

          Not if you want to assist at Mass.

    • Maureen T Strong

      Fr, I so agree with you . I find the whole thing very offensive

    • roninbear

      I just want to say if God has no sense of humor, and if He is not the Author and Finisher of senses of humor then we all might as well rent out party suites in Hell, baptism or not.

      • RosaryVictory

        God is Truth in Whom there is no guile.

    • samton909

      Only posts by people with no sense of humor cross the line

  • Nicole Antonia Carson

    In place of sacramental wine, Fr. Kale will be serving spiced hard cider from a local microbrewery. It’s produced in small batches from locally-sourced apples and it pairs so well. A match made in heaven!

    • You beat me to a comment about the precious blood… I was thinking of some form of Latte.

      • Steve Pokorny

        You were a little latte in your response, eh, Padre?

  • Richard Layton

    What parish does Fr. Adams serve? 🙂

  • Stephen Dalton

    The sad thing about this satire is some kooky libtard priest will actually do something like this!

    • Lee Bacchi

      Be sure to find out and report him to the Bishop!!

    • DZ

      Spoken (written) like a true christian.

  • Johnny

    Wait, so catholics believe that Jesus body becomes a pumpkin? I suppose it’s no less tennable with Scripture than the Mass….

    • KidGal23

      Out of curiosity, Johnny, are you a disillusioned cradle Catholic who has been convinced by someone that the Mass isn’t consistent with scripture or just another anti-Catholic bigot? For incredible, beautiful detail on the scripture for all the parts of the Mass, I suggest the Dr. Edward Sri study. However, since we are on a discussion board, why not discuss. What is contrary to the Bible about the Mass? There are two main parts: the Liturgy of the Word and the Liturgy of the Eucharist. In the first part, we read (sometimes sing one) four different Bible readings. In the second part, we worship Christ exactly the way He asked us to in Luke 22, 19-20; it is all modeled after the last supper. Also in that part, we recite the Lord’s Prayer given to us by Christ as well. How is four Bible readings and taking part in the last supper as directed not scriptural? If I had to guess, I’m thinking you will respond with something about the difference in our interpretations where Mary is concerned. Sigh. We don’t worship Mary. We honor Mary. We ask her to bring us comfort and bring us closer to her Son. If that connection to her isn’t comfortable for you, but you honor Christ in your words, deeds and devotion to Him as your savior…ok. That said, I cannot imagine how you can claim to honor Him when you mock his faithful just because they have a different worship tradition.

      • Heinz

        Do you think he continued reading after you insinuated that he is either disillusioned or a bigot?

        • KidGal23

          I don’t know, Heinz, and I am sorry if that sounded like name calling. A bigot is a person who is intolerant toward those holding different opinions. The anti-Catholic bigotry is much more prevalent than I realized in my youth and it needs to be called out but without petty or rude name calling. I was trying to establish whether he was just another anti-Catholic or someone like many of my former Catholic school classmates who became disillusioned with the church and/or religion along the way. I’m sorry if my quick response on my phone made it sound rude. Time and proofreading can do wonders. I seriously doubt that he would respond anyway but I’ll never know. I do know that we shouldn’t be silent in the face of prejudice and bigotry but that my voice in response isn’t always perfect.

          • Heinz

            I can very much understand that. I know the frustration and feel the tug to speak out against the unfairness done to me, mine and my church.
            However we live in a time where small comments are saved for eternity in the internet.
            That’s why it is indeed very prudent to rather err on the side of charity, when commenting here.

            My intend is not to lecture you. I am very slow in learning how to check myself before posting.
            God bless you!

          • KidGal23

            I didn’t feel lectured, just reminded of what you just mentioned. God bless you too!

      • Johnny

        I’m convinced, not by someone but rather by Scripture alone (as Wycliffe was) that the Mass isn’t consistent with scripture, particularly transubstantiation, that the elements literally become Christ’s body, a ridiculous teaching. Scripture teaches that there is one sacrifice for sin (Heb. 10:26) but the mass makes a mockery of this by “re-sacrificing” Christ over and over again. Rome makes a mockery of the institution of the Lord’s supper by making it into something it isn’t. “it is all modeled after the last supper” is bologna – Christ never said anything about incantations in Latin, waving hands and literal transformation of elements by a priest – that’s all Roman distortions. Read your Bible outside of the influence of Rome and see what it really says.

        As for Mary, I didn’t say anything there, but I do find it saddening that papists are so quick to find other mediators other than Christ alone, who is the one true and perfect mediator (I Tim.2:5)

        • KidGal23

          Admittedly, I got snarky in my earlier response; a frustrated response from someone who is so sad that other Christians can be so misinformed about Catholicism and subsequently are hostile towards Catholics. That said, I cannot imagine how you can justify mocking other Christian traditions in the name of Christ. I do read my Bible and it is with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I am first, and foremost, a follower of Christ. In continued efforts to serve Him, I worship within the Catholic community. We can argue the theology of the Mass, but it seems pointless given your statements. I would just ask you to reflect on whether it is really Christ-like to mock brothers and sisters in Christ simply because of different traditions and scriptural interpretations. Peace be with you.

  • Dave Daker

    seems rather sacrilicous

    • Monk

      You must be in Marketing.

  • Dave Duffey

    and gluten FREE!, I assume.

  • Dave Duffey

    sinfully delicious!

  • Sean

    I’m sorry for this not pertaining to the story (I clicked this link in a shared tweet), but I must say: As a lapsed Catholic who studied Latin for six years, and who loved Rocky III, your website name is magnificent. That is all.

    • Heinz

      Hey, lapsed catholic, come back home!
      We have pumpkin spice cookies 😉

    • samton909

      Manducaturi estis fulgura et tonitrua assidere sis!

  • Brendan Quinn

    The spice girls approve this message !

  • RCThoughts

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f40cd24a47030f0f7d687b702a4e344fb87849b5c0d024792cf666c4256452d0.png Did you see this on Catholic memes the other day? Original creator: yours truly Random Catholic Thoughts

  • Kevin Patrick Anthony Carey Jr

    OK I got to say something here. Some parishes do gluten-free wafers like Saint Aloysius Gonzaga is in Leonardtown Maryland. Hipster No?

  • Kevin Patrick Anthony Carey Jr

    Yes I do understand celiac’s disease that’s why they do it. But that’s hipster The gluten-free wafers.

  • OK, i hate to quibble with a satire site, but ‘Eucharist’ is the liturgy, not the bread consecrated during said liturgy…

    • RosaryVictory

      Eucharist is both liturgy and Host.

  • Wildgraywolf

    But are they gluten free?

  • Richardson McPhillips

    I dunno. I appreciate the Eye of the Tiber, but this is sort of like “crucifixins” – remember that from a little run of tv shows? http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/nbcs-cruci-fixins-were-leftovers-fox

  • What’s his incense made from?

  • Lynne Hicks

    LOLOLOLOLOLOL!! 🙂