The Four Horsemen Decide To Take An Uber To The Apocalypse

October 10, 2016 by  
Filed under Parish Life

According to several sources, the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” have decided to share an Uber to save money and time.

“I was parked outside an ARCO when I received an alert notifying me of a pick up,” said local Uber driver Amar Sharid. “The man’s name was Hades of the Four Horsemen and his picture was that of the head of a skeleton. It seemed odd, but I needed the money, so I accepted.”

“I have to admit the entire ride was a bit uncomfortable,” said Sharid. “One of the men, a very loud and obnoxious man with a thunderous voice kept talking about a lamb. He had a bow on him, so I asked if they were going hunting. One of them said, ‘I guess you can say that,’ and all them started giggling like schoolgirls. After close to ten minutes of awkward silence one of them finally spoke up telling the other horsemen that ‘from henceforth men would slay one another.’ One of the other riders then leaned forward and tapped me on the shoulder and said, ‘Amar is it? Amar, listen…I wanna apologize for my friend here…he’s having a bit of a day. Anyhow, just a heads up, we’re unfortunately going to have to be taking a quart of wheat for a denarius, and three quarts of barley for a denarius; but we wont be harming oil and wine, you hear? I just want you to know that whatever oil and wine you have is good.’ I had no idea what the hell he was talking about, but smiled and turned up the music and AC as is Uber policy. That’s when the rider named Hades chimed in asking me if I had a family. I told him that I had a wife and two children. He said that that was nice, but that it also sucked because one of us would very soon be killed with famine and with pestilence and by wild beasts of the earth.”

Sharid went on to tell EOTT that upon arriving at Hades’ destination in “the heart of Los Angeles,” all four intense and bowlegged horsemen thanked him for the ride, and could be overheard discussing whether or not Uber drivers were allowed to receive tips.