Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick Pleased With How Deal With The Devil Coming Along
Image: Keith Allison
In what many are calling the most exciting deal a human being has ever made with the Devil, The New England Patriots came back from a 28-3 deficit to win their fifth Super Bowl.
Under the leadership of the damned soul of the Patriots head coach, which was signed over to the Devil in 2002 in a blockbuster contract, Belichick, under the guidance of Satan, was able script the most miraculous comeback in Super Bowl history for quarterback Tom Brady.
“We all brought each other back,” Belichick said after the game. “We never felt out of it. It was a tough battle. They have a great team. I give them a lot of credit. But we had the Devil on our side. He’s tough to beat. The only real fear we had was Atlanta fans going to Mass, but then we remembered it was Super Bowl Sunday…that’s when we knew we were solid.”
“This was a script not even Hollywood could’ve come up with,” said Satan’s public relations manager and guy with a bullhorn who stands outside Catholic events holding up signs about how Rome is the Whore of Babylon Ron Thomson told EOTT. “This is a script only Our Dark Lord could script.”
Thomson went on to say that Satan had been “feverishly” working on the script that would fulfill his side of the bargain in the agreement since the beginning of the NFL season when Tom Brady was suspended for four games.
“It was tough, you know? Our Dark Lord takes his agreements very seriously. He is a genius and a perfectionist, as everyone witnessed today. We hope that other head coaches around the league will also follow in the footsteps of Mr. Belichick and consider working with us.”
In the end, Brady took center stage, winning his record fifth Super Bowl in a game that he played not so much as a player, but as a puppet to a coach who sold his soul to the Devil. Only time will tell whether the deal was worth it.