Woman Shocked To Learn Her Daughter Eloping In Vegas After Doing Nothing to Catechize Her

February 22, 2017 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

Image: Antoine Tavenaeux

Image: Antoine Tavenaeux

Local Catholic Marissa Vaughan was saddened to learn this afternoon that her daughter had decided to elope in Las Vegas after years of not doing jack to catechize her.

In what came as a “complete and utter shock,” a tearful Vaughan told EOTT this morning that the decision was very much disappointing, especially considering how much money she and her husband spent on “Catholic school.”

“I’m not sure what happened. We made sure we took her to Mass on Christmas, Easter, and whenever Grandma was in town. She went to a Catholic school taught by liberal nuns. We gave her the pill instead of condoms as a teenager when she started sleeping with her boyfriend because we knew that the Church was against condoms. I’m not sure what else we could’ve done. Now Grandma’s upset that she’s getting married in Vegas and there’s really nothing we can do.”

Marissa Vaughan’s husband, Charles Vaughan, said that, though he hasn’t attended Mass in “God knows how long,” that he spends “a few seconds” during football commercial breaks to ask God to watch over his family.

“Yeah, I could go to Mass, but I don’t because I’m usually so tired. But then again, I could skip my little prayer I say for my family during commercials to go and crack open another beer, but I don’t. I wait until commercials are over. I guess I just hoped that teachers at St. Gertrude Catholic School would do their job and spiritually raise my children for me. They obviously failed and it looks like they’ll be the ones answering to God for this wedding fiasco.”

At press time, Charles Vaughan has just realized that he won’t have to pay for a wedding, so in the end, who gives a crap as long as she’s happy?

  • HermitTalker

    I bet she is from our parish where the pastor/ parish priest skips a reading, Sunday Mass is over in 25 minutes and he seems to know no biblical theology -writes an essay about the news that has no bearing on the reading or the Gospel.

    • Jim Brooks

      Hermit you deserve better. Let your feet do the preaching and go else where. Just some friendly advise

      • Luis Alvarez

        HermitTalker[I like the name] you should not have to go anywhere else its your parish as well; you could ask for a meeting with Father “I know it all” and politely and kindly ask him to “read the black and do the red.” Too many are believing that the Mass is their personal experimental playground and trying again to redo the Mass in their image and likeness instead in the form handed to us by the Vatican. It is our right to a correctly celebrated Mass. Pax et bonum!

        • HermitTalker

          Gracias sen’or Luis .He fights with everyone. He threatened to sue me for harassment and telephoned the local police when he criticised St JP11and B XV1 for holding the Church back and I told him he re fuses to have a Parish Council and renewal movements. I am wheel-chair bound and follow Mass online and TV We have a saying in the Ozarks never try to piss against a Skunk .

          • Luis Alvarez

            If you and others have tried to have a cordial discussion with Fr. and he does not want to listen to reason. You are encouraged to contact the Chancery and the bishop. The bishop should be made aware of irregularities especially when it comes to the celebration of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. In his diocese, the bishop is the primary Liturgist and it’s responsible for the proper celebration of the Mass. I will remember the line about Skunks though -it got a giggle from me. Pax et bonum!

          • HermitTalker

            Thank you Luis. My suspicion is he has along file in the Chancery the current bishop is relatively new. I deeply appreciate your fraternal concern. This iis one of those shake the dust moments where he and his type is concerned. Threatening to sue me for skipping reading and telling him why he should not criticise the two Popes in light of his having no Pastoral Council or renewal activity and a 25minute Sunday Mass is a prudent response. La Paz con tigo Luis

  • Michael A. Six

    I am disappointed in EOTT – I thought this was a satire site! Here you are trying to print hard news and insightful commentary. Do you really think anyone wants to discuss this elephant in the living room. Please leave well enough alone and let me get back to watching the Super Bowl. It is this weekend, isn’t it?

    • HermitTalker

      Depends whether you follow lunar or solar calendar. Beyoncé may not have bounced them yet.

  • JFarinholt

    If he spends the entirety of every commercial break of every sports event he watches praying, then he must have a very active prayer life!

  • Fr. Steve

    I always enjoy the EOTT particularly when the satire borders on the actuality. As a pastor of many years I cannot say how many times I have had parents in my office who are shocked their daughter is pregnant. The same parents who always put sports before Mass and CCD class. The same parents who delayed their child’s confirmation a year (or never actually followed through) because it conflicted with their child’s sports, social life, just not feeling it, we want it to be their decision, etc. On top of that, not only are they shocked, they are convinced that it is my job to fix it. When I ask them what they think I can do at this point because I don’t have a clue I am reminded if I cared about their child’s spiritual life like a priest should that I would know. Well done EOTT :).

    • cececole

      So true, Fr Steve. This was my favorite line, “I guess I just hoped that teachers at St. Gertrude Catholic School would do their job and spiritually raise my children for me.”

  • samton909

    The father does not go to church because he is tired? Good God, man, What do you think church is for? Men have been sleeping through the mass for centuries! Why do you think they teach priests to give the same boring homily over and over again! So you don’t get all excited and miss your sleep.

    • HermitTalker

      Compliments to Father Steve, You cynic Samton. A generalisation that does not fit all. Not logical. even if true for (most) (many) ( too many)

  • I think there’s something very important that people tend to forget about their children when their children do things like this it’s the parents job to teach them the faith it is not just priests and nuns teaching them, the primary educator of the child is the parent, the home is supposed to be the domestic Church

    • HermitTalker

      True the family is the domestic church traditionally. However in the USA the parish school took over. Today, not all parents are co-trained after the Council to be co-teachers. Europe has government-supported faith schools and atheist-secularist groups want free of the religious requirements and some government forces are shoving out the faith patronal ownership, same as Church-owned or controlled boards are forced to perform abortions-for-suicide in Ireland for example. Total “shamboliuc” mess as they describe it.

      • Monk

        To adapt a Hillaryism, “It takes a parish to raze a child.”

        • HermitTalker

          raze was true for her destruction of life and truth

  • susanna

    Wait a minute. Mom actually asked Sister to spend some extra time tutoring the daughter one day, but Sister had an appointment to get a haircut and perm, as she was getting an award that day.

  • Thomas Zabiega

    Ok, I send my kids to a quite conservative parish school (with Dominican nuns in habits) and I would say that this article fits about 90% of the families sending their kids to this school. And also the children of a lot of activist Catholics who did everything to help others, except helping their own children become Catholic. But there is hope, when at a nature center on 2nd grader from this school was asked why do animals attack other animals and he said: “Because Adam and Eve committed original sin which led to that.” I wonder how many Catholic adults, even catechized, would have such a great answer.

    • HermitTalker

      Catholic Church in USA innocently assumed total responsibility for children’s educaation. Only now sinve the ouncil involving parents in sacramental preparation with school or RE programme. Here in Ireland our parish has no preparation for any sacrament. Sign up and we’ll zap you. Not aware there is any national catechesis- formation involved. It’s the village which raises a practicing family