Pope Francis Says It’s Better To Be An Atheist Than To Enjoy The DC Cinematic Universe

February 24, 2017 by  
Filed under Vatican

“If you watched Suicide Squad or Batman v. Superman and somehow convinced yourself that they were enjoyable movies, or lead a ‘double life’ where you defend the DC Cinematic Extended Universe externally but feel a deep sadness about it internally, perhaps it’s better not to call yourself a believer in God at all,” Pope Francis said on Friday.

“So many fanboys insist the critics got it wrong and that the Rotten Tomatoes scores don’t reflect the quality of the films…that’s just scandalous,” Francis declared during morning Mass. “How many times are we going to hear ‘Ben Affleck is the greatest on-screen Batman we’ve ever seen’ or ‘Harley Quinn was translated so well from the comics?’ I agree that Ben Affleck was the best part of BvS, but how could you ignore the convoluted plot, Jesse Eisenberg forgetting that he’s playing Lex Luthor while trying to be the Joker, doing the whole Death of Superman plotline in 15 minutes, and don’t even get me started on that ‘Martha’ scene…what a scandal! And what is scandal other than only concentrating on the few good qualities of a film while ignoring its flaws.”

Francis went on to add that “it is in that hell where we see Superman-level threats and to only be able to compile a group that consists of two characters who have superpowers, one of whom ultimately betrays the group and becomes the villain along with her brother, who gets tacked on for no coherent reason that would further advance the storyline. And the whole time we know the Joker should’ve been the main villain, but we just get to see him sporadically in a side-story that doesn’t serve that plot in any way.”

The Holy Father did go on to mention his love for Will Smith and thought he was one of the very few bright spots of the Suicide Squad, also quickly mentioning that the ‘Ultimate Cut’ of Batman v. Superman on Blu-ray was not “half bad.”

“Now before any of you accuse me of being a ‘Marvel Studios fan-boy’ who just hates everything DC puts out, I really adored Deadpool, and that was put out by Fox. I’m also hearing great things about Logan and I look forward to seeing it.”

After Francis more than a 45-minute diatribe about how Marvel always had a plan and perfectly executed that plan, he ended his homily on a hopeful, though desperate note, saying, “Look, despite all the criticisms, these movies still made a killing at the box office. And even though we thought Ben Affleck directing the next Batman movie was going to be the breath of fresh air this franchise needed, it’s totally OK that he dropped out and Matt Reeves took over. No reason to panic. That Apes film he did was pretty cool. Listen, we’re going to get a ton more of these films and we all know we’re gonna be first in line to go see them. And hey, Lego Batman was freaking awesome! I know it’s technically not part of the DC Cinematic Extended Universe, but it shows us that Warner Brothers is capable of doing these comic book characters justice. No pun intended.”