Pope Francis Says It’s Better To Be An Atheist Than To Enjoy The DC Cinematic Universe

February 24, 2017 by  
Filed under Vatican

“If you watched Suicide Squad or Batman v. Superman and somehow convinced yourself that they were enjoyable movies, or lead a ‘double life’ where you defend the DC Cinematic Extended Universe externally but feel a deep sadness about it internally, perhaps it’s better not to call yourself a believer in God at all,” Pope Francis said on Friday.

“So many fanboys insist the critics got it wrong and that the Rotten Tomatoes scores don’t reflect the quality of the films…that’s just scandalous,” Francis declared during morning Mass. “How many times are we going to hear ‘Ben Affleck is the greatest on-screen Batman we’ve ever seen’ or ‘Harley Quinn was translated so well from the comics?’ I agree that Ben Affleck was the best part of BvS, but how could you ignore the convoluted plot, Jesse Eisenberg forgetting that he’s playing Lex Luthor while trying to be the Joker, doing the whole Death of Superman plotline in 15 minutes, and don’t even get me started on that ‘Martha’ scene…what a scandal! And what is scandal other than only concentrating on the few good qualities of a film while ignoring its flaws.”

Francis went on to add that “it is in that hell where we see Superman-level threats and to only be able to compile a group that consists of two characters who have superpowers, one of whom ultimately betrays the group and becomes the villain along with her brother, who gets tacked on for no coherent reason that would further advance the storyline. And the whole time we know the Joker should’ve been the main villain, but we just get to see him sporadically in a side-story that doesn’t serve that plot in any way.”

The Holy Father did go on to mention his love for Will Smith and thought he was one of the very few bright spots of the Suicide Squad, also quickly mentioning that the ‘Ultimate Cut’ of Batman v. Superman on Blu-ray was not “half bad.”

“Now before any of you accuse me of being a ‘Marvel Studios fan-boy’ who just hates everything DC puts out, I really adored Deadpool, and that was put out by Fox. I’m also hearing great things about Logan and I look forward to seeing it.”

After Francis more than a 45-minute diatribe about how Marvel always had a plan and perfectly executed that plan, he ended his homily on a hopeful, though desperate note, saying, “Look, despite all the criticisms, these movies still made a killing at the box office. And even though we thought Ben Affleck directing the next Batman movie was going to be the breath of fresh air this franchise needed, it’s totally OK that he dropped out and Matt Reeves took over. No reason to panic. That Apes film he did was pretty cool. Listen, we’re going to get a ton more of these films and we all know we’re gonna be first in line to go see them. And hey, Lego Batman was freaking awesome! I know it’s technically not part of the DC Cinematic Extended Universe, but it shows us that Warner Brothers is capable of doing these comic book characters justice. No pun intended.”

  • samton909

    He’s just mad that they turned down his offer to play “Super Socialist Man”.

    • Give me one document where Pope Francis says socialism is okay. You can’t produce such a document as it does not exist.

      • samton909

        Take a look at his most recent encyclical, “Socialisticus ist Okayus”

      • Jafin

        http://www.repubblica.it/vaticano/2016/11/11/news/pope_francis_trump-151810120/

        You told me some time ago that the precept, “Love your neighbour as thyself” had to change, given the dark times that we are going through, and become “more than thyself.” So you yearn for a society where equality dominates. This, as you know, is the programme of Marxist socialism and then of communism. Are you therefore thinking of a Marxist type of society?

        “It it has been said many times and my response has always been that, if anything, it is the communists who think like Christians. Christ spoke of a society where the poor, the weak and the marginalized have the right to decide. Not demagogues, not Barabbas, but the people, the poor, whether they have faith in a transcendent God or not. It is they who must help to achieve equality and freedom”.

        Here you go! 🙂

  • Pooka

    Yes! The Pope is a Deadpool fan!!! lololol

  • Maggie Sullivan

    Sorry Eye of the Tiber….it just doesn’t work any more…..what the Pope actually says seems like satire so when you try to make it satirical it’s less bizarre and mystifying than what he actually said.

    • Monk

      Sort of a marginal satirical utility, eh? Or is it diminishing satirical returns?

    • Richardson McPhillips

      irony to the power of irony.

  • David

    The DCEU is making more money than the MCCU domestically…sooooooooo And the two movies you mentioned liking, besides movies that Disney doesn’t produce, are still Marvel movies. The theatrical version of BvS was just a guessing game, the Ultimate Edition was much better. If the UE had of come out in the theaters and Suicide Squad had of been played in China…the DCEU movies would have made much more than the MCCU worldwide…on average. The DCEU is only 3 movies long…and despite the fact that they should have been doing so much better financially…they are still doing pretty damn good! No offense…I’m just getting overly sick of these stupid articles bashing the DCEU when it is, was, and will always be the dominate comic book brand made into dominate movies. My big problem is thinking that WB’s will change things based on Marvel fan girls little rumblings. I like all comic book movies and look for the good things in all of them…as everyone else should. Because there is not a damned thing anyone can do to change it!

    • samton909

      But the three movie EDIODTLO would have made money if the Teutonic Band of Uighurs universe DECIR super powers Spiderman canon was still extant. WB Marvel and UNICEF still are pretty popular,

  • But this doesn’t include the DC Animated Universe right? Because if so we have a problem

  • Jim the Scott

    That is just common sense.