Papal Conclave Error: Burke Wins Papacy After Conclave Mix-Up

February 27, 2017 by  
Filed under Vatican

Image:Нұрлан Саят

Image:Нұрлан Саят

In an epic mistake that drew gasps from Catholics and non-Catholics around the world yesterday, Cardinal Protodeacon Jean-Louis Tauran recently announced that he mistakenly named Jorge Mario Bergoglio as pope at the 2013 Papal Conclave, when in reality it was Cardinal Raymond Burke that won the top prize.

The newly-elected Pope Francis was saying some random thing that would have made many Catholics scratching their heads when the interjection came that Burke had in fact been elected pope.

“I want to tell you what happened,” Tauran told press gathered at the Vatican yesterday. “I opened the envelope, and it said ‘Jorge Mario Bergoglio, La La Church.'”

“Burke,” the story of a white, Catholic, conservative man had already won best supporting cardinal for Making Things Look A Little Less Out Of Control.

“Very clearly, even in my prayers this could not be true,” Burke told those gathered in St. Peter’s Square. “But to hell with it, I’m done with it, because this is true. Oh my goodness.”

It was not immediately clear how the mistake was made, though EOTT tweeted out a photo that showed that the envelope in Tauran’s hand reading “Best Bishop Of A Diocese That Is Not The Diocese of Rome.”

  • Mr. Graves

    [crossed fingers] “Please be true. Please be true.”

    • richp

      NO, it’s obvious satire.

  • HermitTalker

    River Tiber in Rome we found an anus drowned here, is he your arse/ass buttocks.

    • samton909

      Why yes, yes he is. Why do you ask?

    • richp

      Huhhhhhh?

      • HermitTalker

        Nasty satire richp

  • samton909

    Somehow I think that Burke will reach under his chin, and tear off his mask, and it will still be Bergoglio.

  • Hotrod1962

    The Holy Spirit was in charge of handing out the envelopes but was found taking a selfie with Cardinal Sarah right before handing out the wrong envelop. God The Father and Jesus were disappointed.