Catholic Woman Who Moved In With Boyfriend 8 Years Ago Confident He’ll Be Proposing Any Day Now

April 19, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Holding Hands


Local Catholic Becky Donaldson confirmed this week that she is absolutely confident that her live-in boyfriend of eight years, Kevin Reynolds,  will soon be proposing.

“I’m just so excited,” a teary-eyed Donaldson told some of her girlfriends gathered at a local restaurant last night. “We’ve been waiting until we’re in a financially comfortable situation. I mean, we were financially comfortable a few years ago, and then he bought the jet skis, so we’ve been working on getting financially comfortable again since then.”

Donaldson went on to say that after eight years of living with Kevin, not counting the other four years they were dating while living separately, she couldn’t wait for the wedding so that their life could finally begin.

“I imagine our lives are going to be totally different after we’re married. I mean, we’ve been living together for eight years and dating for four, and we bought this house together five years ago. We’re pretty much done having fun and I think we’re ready to settle down and start having children. I guess that’s why it’s been taking him so long to propose, you know? We just needed to live our lives before we had kids.”

Donaldson was heard later in the evening advising her younger, single friends to not get married and have children until they had done all their travelling and fun activities since “once you have children all fun stops and you die inside.”

“Not saying that living with him has all been fun and games, of course. He has annoying little quirks, but those will obviously be transformed by the magical powers of the sacrament. We don’t go to church, but I’ve heard about all the magic that the sacrament of matrimony does for a relationship, so I expect his snoring and his leaving the toilet seat up to stop soon after the wedding. Not to mention him leaving dirty dishes and empty beer bottles on the coffee table, putting his dirty clothes on the floor next to the hamper instead of inside the hamper, putting the toilet paper roll on the holder backwards, so that the tail end is against the wall and so on.”

At press time Kevin has been spotted sneaking out of the house to go shopping for jet ski trailers.

  • Mike M

    Inspired by Ossoff?

    • Monk

      If Jon Ossoff can be said to inspire anything.

  • JP

    Are we sure this isn’t an Onion story?

    • William of Orange

      Not possible. There is no place for humour in the Church.

      • Hotrod1962

        Yes…..Matt 9:34 “And Jesus said to his disciples “Who so ever believeth the work of thy Father is humorous, the gates of hell await you”.

      • Monk

        True. VCII restated that “no new public revelation is to be expected before the glorious manifestation of our Lord Jesus Christ”.
        Then, some knucklehead — probably in the 1970’s — revealed the Laughing Jesus. Clearly heretical.

      • HermitTalker

        Certainly not in your Calvinist heresy. You have poisoned Scotland and Northern Ireland William !!!!!

        • William of Orange

          Fight me.

  • Maggie

    Oh yes but there is ‘grace’ in this relationship perhaps as the pope himself has noted because of ‘fidelity’ or something. Whereas, you know, most marriages are likely invalid.

  • Michael A. Six

    Once again EOTT has compromised and is trying to compete with straight news outlets – and old news at that. This has been going on for like forever with the same sad consequences. However I must admit that the list of “annoying little quirks” recounted by our delusional wannabe bride seem rather petty. Come on girl, is that the best you can do? Let’s talk about the really serious destructive behaviors your man is doing. We know your love can conquer anything.

  • Twinkle5

    I am surprised that this young gal even said the word “sacrament”. It must have felt foreign on her tongue, like speaking Japanese.

  • Clare O’Malley

    I continue to be amazed that people do not realize that this site if the Catholic version of The Onion. It’s satire folks.

    • HermitTalker

      Yup Claire Too many humourless Scots Calvinists on here. We Irish Catholics are amused.

  • Hotrod1962

    She is so right, after the sacrament of marriage, the Holy Spirit does impart “magical” powers. Whenever I left empty beer bottles around, I would receive a sharp pain in my side. When I kicked my dirty underwear in the corner, I suddenly got a sharp pain between my eyes. I very soon realized that this was the HS telling me to “man up”.

  • Pope Michael

    Hey shared housing can accomplish great things. I moved in with my mom 22 years ago and never looked back. Although this frivolous buying of useless items and having children never affected us because we actually believe in God.

    Curse you Heretics.

  • HermitTalker


  • Parati Semper

    And the old adage goes … Why buy the cow if the Milk is free?

    • HermitTalker

      OR Why buy the pig when a piece of sausage suffices.

  • SJ Man

    My eldest daughter moved out last year to live with her boyfriend and I advised her to discern marriage and whether or not this guy is committed to staying with her. Not sure how it’s going to end up, but hoping and praying that they will journey towards marriage soon.

    • Hotrod1962

      Statistics show that couples who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate than those that don’t.

      • SJ Man

        Yes, unfortunately this is true. Also unfortunately, my wife and I were living together for 9 months before we were married (although we were engaged). She probably views this as an example of “success” even though my wife and I are having struggles in our marriage now and who knows where that may one day lead…..?

        • Hotrod1962

          Marriage is a struggle, and the most successful marriages I know had the most struggles. Hang in there.

          • HermitTalker

            Not sure struggle is the word. Vatican Two officially erased the old Puritanical, Negative Augustinian sex is evil but tolerated because it makes babies, Jansenism and elevated morally good intercourse to be sacramentally grace-endowed. Human self-centered non sacrificial living makes it a struggle. Same with any profession or vocation. It’s called virtue.

    • HermitTalker

      Prayers for you. and similar families dealing with such circumstances

      • SJ Man

        Thank you very much. She is in my prayers daily and my hope is that if this isn’t “the one” that she figures it out sooner than later and not waste her precious time with him.

      • SJ Man

        Thanks very much. We all could sure use some…..