Taylor Swift Joins Convent After Several Unsuccessful Relationships

June 6, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Image: Eva Rinaldi

Image: Eva Rinaldi

 

After several public failed relationships and an embarrassing 8-months without a boyfriend, award winning singer-songwriter Taylor Swift announced today via Twitter that she was leaving the music industry to become a nun.

“With some prayer, and lots of thinking about boys, I’ve decided to become a nun,” she  wrote on Twitter.

Swift’s agent Rod Steelman confirmed this morning that she has been accepted into the Monastery of Our Lady of Perpetual Disappointment, a convent exclusively for women who respond to a calling immediately after experiencing a devastating breakup.

“She told me a few months ago that she had discerned entering a convent every time she had ever had a breakup, but that this last breakup  was different,” Steelman told EOTT. “She said that she was thinking about how Jesus seemed like the only man that wouldn’t ever break up with her, and how she would never have to write a song about him like she did other men in her life. That’s when it dawned on her to get herself to the nunnery.”

Swift has won several awards, including  ten Grammy Awards, one Emmy Award, and  21 Billboard Music Awards. Forbes recently named her in their annual 100 Most Powerful Women.

  • bedlamguy

    A two-fer would be nice with Katy Perry. And how about Miley Cyrus for three.

    • Matt Kososki

      Get them all to a nunnery.

      • Benjamin Warren

        Sorry, they’ll be executed by the Saudi religious police before they enter a nunnery.

  • I always thought that it would be interesting to be in a relationship with Taylor Swift. On the one hand she’s certainly pretty but on the other hand I mean eventually she’s going to write a song about breaking up with you and make you seem like the bad guy.

    • Rose Lincoln

      And you’d have tons of red lipstick on your face.

      • I think dating her might be like riding a roller coaster. Fun at first, then horrifying, and you’re glad when it’s over. You don’t regret it, and if you had the chance to do it again you would. Now I wanna go on a roller coaster.

        • samton909

          I found it quite exhilarating, actually. I was disappointed at the song she wrote about the two of us called “Who the hell is this guy that keeps showing up at my house?”

  • Sr. Mary Brigid

    Getting that cherry-red lipstick out of a coif will be tough as the dickens. But, I guess that’s what a solid formation is all about…

  • “Perpetual Disappointment…” Hysterical!

  • Alex

    In my short 20 years on this planet I’ve seen a lot of BS articles, and this one just earned a place on the list of dumbest ones I’ve ever seen

    • Monk

      Every EOTT article seems to reach newbies to the world of Catholic satire. It’s sort of like how the Gospel was spread by Saint Paul. And not everyone can accept it.
      But I wonder, Alex, what were you searching for that you came across this news here?

      • Rose Lincoln

        Red lipstick.

    • GaryLockhart

      Satire is wasted on the illiterate.

      • Alex

        Same goes for the mentally feeble. Luckily you check both boxes

        • VeilOfTiers

          Ths might be funny if you were a troll.

          Unfortunately…I think you are completely serious!

      • Frank Hammond

        This used to be satire – and it used to be funny. Is someone new and a lot less talented writing for EOTT?

    • Larry Longua

      Alex,
      Maybe in another 20 years you’ll figure it all out.

      • Rose Lincoln

        Hee, hee.

    • samton909

      It could be true. It could be.

  • Mr. Graves

    Her contributions to liturgical music can’t be worse than Lord of the Dance. So, welcome Sister Tay-Tay!

  • Neil Leslie

    If only!

  • samton909

    I hear Kanye West has joined the same nunnery, and he keeps interrupting her whenever she tries to speak.

  • Mira T

    this might be a hoax. there’s no Our Lady of Perpetual Disappointment let alone a monastery for one!