Man With “Only God Can Judge Me” Tattoo Most Likely Going To Hell

June 22, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life


Sources at the USCCB confirmed today that notorious womanizer and overall prick Brody Kakedelis, who once attended St. Thomas More Academy, will most likely end up in hell, despite a new tattoo he has on his forearm reading, “Only God Can Judge Me.”

32-year-old Kakedelis, who has reportedly been involved in numerous altercations with law enforcement after nights of binge drinking and getting into fights with at least three live-in girlfriends, is rumored to have told friends that only God could judge him, before telling them to mind their own business before “there would be a misunderstanding.”

Kakedelis has said that the new tattoo, which is just above one of the last supper, refers to him being misunderstood most of his life, though most family and friends close to the 32-year-old have testified to the contrary, conceding that “he never was in fact misunderstood, but that he was just a straight up a-hole.”

“Yeah, he’s a prick,” Kakedelis’ mother told EOTT. “Don’t get me wrong, I love him dearly, but that’s mainly because he’s my son. Even then it’s really a huge test of the will.”

Kakedelis refuted claims by members of the community, including that of his parish priest as well as his 4-year-old baby sister, saying “Eff everyone… you all ain’t God, and you don’t have the right to judge.”

“Have I made mistakes, yeah,” Kakedelis told EOTT in between hits from his playboy logo-shaped bong. “But so has everyone else, and I’m not gonna sit here and be judged by anyone but the man above. I pray every night as I get high, so don’t judge, cause you don’t know my soul. Let he who has not bullied smaller people around every weekend just to get a few laughs, and then taking them and shoving them into a garbage can at a club, before proceeding to take his own shirt off and flexing in front of everyone cast the first stone.”

At press time, Kakedelis is taking his crucifix off so that it won’t get wet when he takes a body shot off the girl he just met at the nightclub.