Catholic Church Says No To Gluten-Free Catholics Entering Heaven

July 13, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Image: Paterm

Image: Paterm


[News Brief]

A new letter to Catholic bishops this week from the Vatican has sparked outrage from gluten-free Catholics who learned that they cannot attain salvation no matter how holy they are.

The announcement drew criticism from many in the Church, though the letter simply reaffirmed a centuries-old teaching stating that gluten-free Catholics are not in full communion with the Church, and are therefore cut off from the saving grace of the Lord.

Executive Assistant to the Director of the Secretariat of Divine Worship Reverend Toby Townsend said that, though gluten-free Catholics could not in fact attain salvation, that it does not mean they will “necessarily be damned.”

“Everyone needs to just calm the heck down,” Townsend said in a statement. “This does not mean that they are going to hell. The outrage is completely disproportionate to the spirit of the law, which is a simple reminder that after death, they may be going to some sort of a limbo. At best.”

Townsend went on to remind Catholics that none of the disciples present at the Last Supper were gluten-free, and that if one of them was, it would’ve most likely have been Judas.

  • crisdi

    This is the dumbest thing I ever heard. If there ever was fake news this is it!

    • Claire

      It’s called satire. 😉

      • Douglas Faillace

        It is not SATIRE … it is RELIGIOUS HATE SPEECH!

        • asc

          Lighten up, Doug

        • Admiral Nissan

          Actually, you smarmy snotmonger — it’s good Catholic satire. Grow a pair and get a sense of humor, OK Princess?

    • Sebastian Sz

      This satire is in gravely poor taste and is sick. See my longer comment above.

      Well done for picking up on the wrongness of this. Dumb is maybe the right word.

      • Satire in good taste cannot be satire. Healthy satire is in appalling taste. You don’t have to read it.

      • samton909

        Ah, a Gluten free hater, I see.

  • Brendan Quinn

    About time those damned uppity gluten free folks got told the truth ! They never deserved to go to heaven anyway ! Good old Reverend Toby Townsend had to set the record straight ! I can’t wait for Tobys forthcoming book on predestination and who else is excluded from heaven !

  • FatherWagner

    Ok, so gluten free Catholics might not be admitted to heaven, but all the C and E Catholics are still safe, right?

  • Sebastian Sz

    I think this is tasteless and heartless.

    Yes, I get the specific satire point very well, but this is not at all appropriate. Many religious jokes are appropriate, but making light of:
    1) The Holy Eucharist.
    2) The salvation of people’s souls.
    3) The genuine suffering of many pious Catholics who have serious medical problems.
    4) A difficult current problem that the Church hierarchy is trying to tackle.
    Plus it leads to huge confusion for anyone’s who’s not in on “the joke” and frankly, that’s most people on the web. Because it’s so subtle, most people will not get the point – more ammunition against the church and a source of bitterness.

    Frankly, I have many friends who suffer terribly from many dietary afflictions.
    – they need to spend a lot of money and extra time out of their day just so they can eat food that is not toxic to them. This is not some trivial matter to them, but

    And then there is heavy issue of not being able to ingest the Eucharist (or sometimes the Wine of the Blood of Christ – that also happens). I doubt most would find this funny. Do you think the unearned serious sufferings of others, and the difficult matter of how to reconcile this with the need for proper matter for the Eucharist is some kind of joke? Maybe your life is just to easy, so you amuse yourself with mocking others problems.

    The point of satire is to expose evil in and mock it – but there is no evil party here, just a tragedy on all sides and a very difficult problem to solve. Both the faithful with gluten intolerance or celiac disease, and the Catholic hierarchy are trying hard together to find a solution to this problem. The only problem is this kind of unfunny satire:
    1) Causes confusion for most. Maybe disrespect for the Church, teh Eucharist and the Seriousness of Salvation of every soul.
    2) Causes heartache to many suffering people.
    3) Seems to be accusing the Vatican hierarchy of some kind of terribly evil intent – what is the proof for this?

    This is not funny – this is sick. Please stop.

    • Ubi Caritas

      Ah yes, Pope Francis warned me about you. The guy that literally bitterly comments on a SATIRE site. About them calling out the public massive overreaction to the Church reaffirming something that was already in place. And you make it sound like a crisis for our times that we should all be on pins and needles about. You realize this satire was not making fun of people who have allergies, but all of the outrage mob that came out to put the Catholic Church on blast for being intolerant and hateful to another group of people (in their minds)?

      “One of the more serious temptations which stifles boldness and zeal is a defeatism which turns us into querulous and disillusioned pessimists, ‘sourpusses’” (EG 85).

      • Sebastian Sz

        You do me far. far too much honour. If the Swiss guards do come after me, know that I have cannon lawyers at the ready.

        Actually, I know several celiac people who are quite anguished about receiving Communion – insult to injury in their already more difficult lives. I agree this is not the biggest problem in the world, but it’s not tiny either.

        Laughter is good for those in trouble, particularly to get back at those who hurt them. Who are we laughing with, and who are we laughing at? Who is this “mob” – are you talking to educate them? But how will they possibly understand this satire, and this message? If you are making fun of people for being stupid, then aren’t you just being smug and superior at them? A lot of people criticize the church simply because they are misinformed, sometimes on fairly subtle matters – I would argue that this matter is very subtle, ten times more so for people outside the Church. We are going to make fun of them for that?

        How ever I slice it, I can’t think of a way this is not just mocking people – quite the opposite of genuine humour. I think that anybody who will read this will either come out: angry, confused, insulted, hurt, or, in those who find this funny, more smug and superior. I can’t think of a single way in which anyone is improved in any way by reading this. Ubi Caritas?

        I am Catholic. I like humour. I like some religious humour. I like humour that gives hope, courage, and relief to those whose lives are heavy. I like humour who puts the arrogant in their place. I like humour that exposes evil, as well the daily foibles of mankind. I don’t like humour that mocks others, that creates conflict or confusion, that looks down at people. I particularly hate humour by “religious” people mocking the un- or less-religious for being confused or ignorant about things they legitimately might not know – seeing as they already get so much confusing info from many sources (arguably, from this article also). I also hate when people make fun of those who know less theology/church history/church current events than they do.

        Also, as much as I am honoured by your suggestion that I inspired one of the Pope’s encyclicals’ reflections, you don’t know anything about my life. I don’t go posting stuff like this on a daily basis. Really, maybe once a year something really gets my cake – and your article manages to insult my (our) Faith, me, and many good people I know in so many ways, it is quite impressive in a way. You see, most people have a life: important work that actually benefits people, responsibilities, people they care for, health problems – their own or others’ – that they have to worry about and manage – all kinds of problems and sufferings. They don’t have time to muck about with religious minutiae and decipher strange ramblings that confuse complex matters. People are busy working hard to build systems of peace and the Kingdom of God – it’s insulting that you think it’s amusing to throw wrenches into things for amusement. Specifically there needs to be respectful exchange between people with dietary concerns and the Magisterium on this topic. It is an important and topical unsolved problem of today. So is the grave damage that genetic engineering has done to world crops and has made a lot of basic food crops toxic to a large percentage of the world population. This is not a light matter. People suffer greatly – some people get seriously sick from receiving the bread of the Eucharist, when they are unaware of their condition. Respectful exchanges between laity, Hierarchy, scientists, and the general public are crucial to solve this. Your article only adds to mistrust and confusion on this vital communication channel.

        Some people have very easy lives – they assume others’ lives are easy too, and mock serious problems to relieve boredom. Those people are parasites, and the Bible calls them “worse than unbelievers”.

        As for me, I like a bit of mental vacation once in a while – this has been relaxing,l but I’m going back to my duties shortly. So it is your unfortunate bad luck to put up with me for a while, but I’ll be gone soon, I promise.

        What you seem to be saying is that this is one of those bottom dregs of the internet places where anyone says any nonsense they please, and anyone not enjoying themselves should leave. That’s all fair, nothing wrong with that, except I don’t think it’s ok for you to then present yourself as Catholic website. We have standards.

        An imperfect analogy: You can run a drunken circus if you want, just don’t do it in a church basement.

        I think that words have consequences. I think that you can say whatever you want. Because we are both Catholics, I think I can call you out on your words if I think they bring shame on our Church. I think other people have a right to read that too. If you use the “Catholic Church” brand in any public online forum, then every other Catholic has full right to call you out on it if your content or manner of expression appears to them inappropriate or unrepresentative of Catholic doctrine or behaviour.

        But I may not be sophisticated enough to follow your train of thought. Maybe we don’t understand each other. I’m writing this more for the other readers, about half of which at this point seem not to like your article. Everyone can decide on their own. Let’s leave it at that.

        • Ubi Caritas

          Obviously the whole topic has struck a nerve. Again, keep in mind that 1) this is and always has been a satire site for any and all that find it, so it really should not be so seriously thought of as leading people astray. You shouldn’t make it through an entire article and not see the biting sarcasm and be left to your imagination about whether they are serious 2) As mentioned before, the article is not about making fun of anyone with food allergies, but making light of all of the atheists and people who hate the church that blew up social media angry about the intolerant Catholic Church, much akin to when Pope Francis often gets misquoted by mainstream media and the crowd goes wild for a week or so. That venomous crowd of trolls who wait for any wrong turn from the Church to light their torches, would be the evil being exposed by this satire.
          3) I’ll admit calling you a sourpuss wasn’t charitable and I apologize for that rash judgement of character when I really was merely trying to speak to the spirit of your comment.
          4) I too have celiac friends that don’t receive communion. However, it’s not a new struggle. They have been happily working out this issue for years and the statement from the Church affected them very little. It was the fake news headlines that made this national news, causing such a strong reaction from those that live for moments like that to become offended and outraged (the outrage mob) against the Catholic Church.
          5) If you actually are looking for a real news take on it, look at
          6) May the peace of Christ be with you

          • Sebastian Sz

            #1 I see, so you are saying that nothing you say has any value. Either you are doing adult satire, which is to make real important points in a funny way, or you are doing childish satire, which is to put together any nonsense for the amusement of people who think like you.

            You have been systematically telling me that your words should not be taken seriously in any way.That’s your business – but in that case, you have no right of dragging through the mud the reputation of the Church in public while advertising yourself as a Catholic. Most readers won’t get your joke (ergo, it’s a bad joke) and will see it as more mud to throw at the Church.

            The ONLY reason I am paying any attention to your words is that you seem to genuinely want to help the Church – so do this Church you claim to love a favour and take responsibility for what you put out on the internet concerning it.

            Your words and behaviour are not appropriate for a Catholic in public. You will be called to account on how you use your time and efforts.

            #2 – Are you saying making fun of atheists is ok? How about making fun of people who hate the church? The reason these people are making fun is that they don’t understand a very subtle point. From a strictly rationalistic point of view, making someone’s salvation conditional on eating a piece of food they cannot actually digest is incredibly ridiculous (“folly to the gentiles” – 1Cor 1:23) . I think some members of this “mob” have a very astute conscience. It is only the case that there is a supernatural exception – – that complicates the matter. You want to make fun of people who can’t wrap their heads around thatvery complex matter because they don’t happen to have lived and experienced the things you did?

            I do get your joke. I think it is sick and perverse.

            #3 – I don’t care a milligram what you call me or what you think of me – I care about the effect your article is likely to have to on different kinds of readers. Since it is public on the internet, have you thought of what effect it may have on the reputation of the Church? If it is only childish amusement for your friends, then send it out on a mailing list or something. I care about my (our) Church’s reputation. I don’t this the Church is a social club for making fun of unbelievers who don’t quite get us. I think we are to serve the world, become servants of all, and do all we can to bring unbelievers to a greater faith in God – if we can use good humour for that end, all the better. This is not it. You’re pushing people away from the Church. That’s no laughing matter.

            #4 Then please do your and my friends a favour, stop sowing confusion on this issue, and take this article of your site.

            #5 I get my own sources of information as needed.

            P.S. A lot of your other stuff seems to be good sensible satire – but I only had a quick look. I am only talking about this one article.

            Peace of Christ to you.

        • Dan F.

          do you have a tl;dr version?

      • Sebastian Sz

        To be fair, I had a 5 minute glance at your website, and you have a lot of genuinely very funny stuff. My suggestion: remove this article, stay away from very holy topics (e.g., Eucharist, Salvation, Virgin Mary, etc.), and write as if you look down on those who don’t have vasts amount of time to peruse in detail the very specific Catholic trivia that you happen to be informed about.

        You’ll stop pissing off and alienating Catholics and confusing the rest of the internet – and all’s well again with the world.

        • samton909

          Yes, the latest Pew poll shows that Eye of the Tiber has confused and alienated Catholics the world over. The entire internet is totally confused and has been brought down by this one article. The horror….the horror….

    • Hotrod1962

      This site is going to do whatever it wants to do. If anyone is to stop….it should be you….stop coming to the site, period, if it upsets you so much.
      You know, sometimes a particular post isn’t that funny, but what is entertaining are the sanctimonious that either don’t realize this is a satire site or blow up a joke into the equivalence of the anti-Christ knocking on your door with a Candy gram.
      I enjoy this site, I have forwarded many articles to family and friends who are much better Catholics than I am. Everyone gets it and gives positive feedback.
      I don’t think that any observant Catholic who is a regular visitor has had their faith challenged or threatened by anything ever posted here.

      • Sebastian Sz

        I’m a one-time visitor.

        This article is public and can cause damage and confusion about serious Church matters and the sensitivity of many good Catholics. As such, it should be removed. I don’t find that a laughing matter.

        That there are other funny articles on this site is beyond the point. This article is problematic on many levels.

        A good joke is one that most people naturally get. This is not about what the minority of the in-crowd think, but what onlookers will think. Already several visitors (presumably all believing Catholics) are scandalized and offended by this article.

        The Catholic Church is not a social club where you and your buddies get to sit in public and mock all the other people who don’t believe as you do. If you want to participate in such sick amusement, do so away from the public eye, and stop scandalizing the world with your behaviour. My (our) Church deserves a better reputation than that.

        • KJL

          Making the most of your one time, eh?

          Funny what hill some people will chose to die on. I guess good satire isn’t without some bite then.

      • Kathryn Coe

        “…equivalence of the anti-Christ knocking on your door with a Candy gram.”
        I nearly snorted coffee all over at that. Hilarious!

        • Hotrod1962

          Thank you, Kathryn….next time, cover your computer :).

    • samton909

      I suggest you immediately file suit in the Court of Common Whining.

      • Steve

        The Pope has dissolved the Court of Common Whining effective immediately:

      • Sebastian Sz

        Good suggestion – this article is an excellent example of whining, as the author has clarified in his responses to me. The author effectively said that he is mocking atheists and other unbelievers for criticizing the Church on an internal matter that (as I argue), in all fairness, they have all most no way of understanding. Everyone has a conscience. People of all, or no, faith may occasionally make a good (or at least, not bad) point, if you stop and listen and try to see the intent behind the attack.

        So yes, the author has been indulging in serious whining. and I am calling him out for it as indecorous behaviour for a Catholic in public. There is also serious whining going on about being called to account for public words and their potential consequence on the reputation of the Church and the sensitivities of good believers.

        Some people think that membership in the RCC is some kind of free pass to say random garbage out loud in public to mock and confuse those who are not of the in-crowd, and then turn around and claim that words have no consequence. Some people trivialize everything.

        It may be worth reflecting on the fact that good people will suffer because of the childish unthinking words of others.

        • samton909

          I’m in with the in crowd
          I go where the in crowd goes
          I’m in with the in crowd
          And I know what the in crowd knows

  • Douglas Faillace

    Hey, Admin. Are you one of those chickens like the Antifa cowards who can’t let others know their identity since their parents would probably kick them out of their basement pads?

    What an IGNORANT and LIE FILLED post! You have NO idea of what you are talking about … but feel the NEED to lie and mischaracterise a definition of a religious practice which, it seems, you hate.

    HERE is the REAL and TRUTHFUL information. I would like to think that you would read it and correct ALL of the FAKE NEWS you wrote about, but … I don’t think you are capable of that.

    • Daniel Roberson

      Douglas… I’m afraid you missed the point. This is a satire website. It’s “the Onion” for Catholic humor. His point is the opposite of what it seems. He’s saying “Calm down everybody, it’s not like salvation is actually on the line.” Because all of us who actually pay attention to our Church know what you just linked…

      How about you read at least one other post from this site before you make up your mind that you know all about it’s author after accidentally taking a joke seriously?

      • Douglas Faillace

        There is a difference between satire …. AND BOLDLY NOTING it is FAKE … and posting hate speech like this so that others THINK it is real!

        I saw this posted on FB and the replies were all as if this was TRUTHFUL. The responders were making CRUDE comments about Catholics.

        I DID look at the site. I looked at the anonymous author.

        This is not about MY research … this is about the people who DO NOT research and take the article as FACT.

        As for the point of this entire website, WHY would you like to ridicule an entire faith?

        Maybe ADMIN should make another site ridiculing ISLAM … maybe not … he wouldn’t last long.

        • samton909

          Well, as you know everyting on Facebook is true. So you better get in line.

        • Kyle Salonek

          ” It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it” -GK Chesterton
          This website proves GK to be spot on. Thanks for helping us continually test Catholicism, “ADMIN”.
          Sincerely, a devout millennial Catholic(yes, they do exist)

          • Sebastian Sz

            GKC is awesome and knows how to make good religious jokes. This article is like some kind of inverted polar opposite of his writings.

            Don’t drag GKC’s excellent name through the mud.

        • Jerome

          Douglas Faillace,

          First of all if you have a problem,
          “Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth” – 2 Timothy 2:25
          “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” – Galatians 6:1
          The keyword in both of these is *gentle*. If you wish to correct someone, do it out of Love, not anger, and certainly not self-righteousness. Name-calling is bullying. It’s a way to put others down, and is certainly not loving.

          Second of all I followed you here from the same facebook post. This – “I saw this posted on FB and the replies were all as if this was TRUTHFUL. The responders were making CRUDE comments about Catholics.” – is nonsense. Out of the four people that have commented so far, it was obvious that two did not immediately recognize it as satire, one being yourself, and the other admitting to having not read the article. In addition, zero have made crude comments about Catholics. As you’re someone who seems to take his faith very seriously, I seriously suggest you not fabricate the truth to try and support your ideals.

          -Your brother in Christ

        • VeilOfTiers

          If the author has to BOLDY NOTE (sic) that the satire is FAKE (sic) then it isn’t satire!

          Or funny.

        • Monk

          If people are so ignorant that they can’t recognize satire, then their admiration isn’t worth anything.

      • Sebastian Sz

        Except “the Onion” is usually actually funny, makes some pretty awesome jabs once in a while at things and people that are in dire need of jabbing, and does not claim any religious affiliation.

        I know it’s humour. I just think it’s really a very bad tasteless joke that leads to anger and confusion. Satire is not a carte blanche excuse to say any crazy nonsense, and then hide behind the word while waving the Catholic flag. As a believing Catholic, I dissociate myself most strongly from this kind of humour – I think it is unfunny, tasteless, heartless, mocking, and benefits absolutely no one. Humour is a great thing. Mocking and sowing confusion is not. The Bible has some pretty harsh words to say about both.

        All this does is make those who are on top of church news feel more smug than all other human beings in the world, most of whom are too busy with, you know: working, and suffering, and raising children and whatnot, to be reading l’Osservatore every night.

        Such people have religious sensibilities that this article seriously serious insults. They also have a great sense of humour that comes from a deep understanding of suffering, compassion, and experience with human nature – I would guess they would find this article insulting and unfunny. I think it’s despicable to mock the sensibilities of good hardworking pious people, and add to the dishonour and confusion of the Church, for the mere amusement of the insensitive. Treating everything as a joke leads to chaos.

        • samton909

          Anyone with a tiny little brain could tell this was not meant to be serious. If you cannot take a joke, perhaps you should get off the internet and take up making doilies or something. This article does none of the things you allege. It doe not insult anyone, it does not deride any religious belief etc.

          • Sebastian Sz

            I don’t have a tiny little brain, so I can’t tell.

            I know this is supposed to be satire, but it is a bad joke that seriously backfired. The joke is not serious, but it can have serious negative effects on many readers, and is likely to be harmful to the reputation of the Church.

          • samton909

            Perhaps it will cause the Sun to become a Supernova, too.

      • Louis Bertrand

        Agree but the supposed satire distorted the accuracy of the Decree, thus went beyond satire- mockery?

      • Douglas Faillace

        So if he was laughing AT muslims, you would laugh, too?
        What about Native American religions? You would say it was funny!
        I NEVER let unbelievers tell ME how my religion is going to affect me.
        I read the site’s (WHO knows who they are since they hide like a coward under the name ADMIN) ABOUT page. They make the POINT that they are NEWS and MOCK other news outlets. Yes they say they are satire.

        Hey, ADMIN …. come on … let’s all laugh ….

        Make some jokes about YHWH (יהוה‎) (Yahweh) and Moses.
        Let’s all read some humor mocking Muhammad and his followers.
        I bet they have some knee slappers about Buhhda or Krishna.

        No. I don’t think you will ADMIN. Because you are not humorous.

        • samton909

          Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you The Amazing Humorless Man™

          • Sebastian Sz

            How do you do? Nice to make your acquaintance. Do you always introduce yourself as “Amazing”?

          • samton909

            I wasn’t talking to you, Crabbiest Man In the World ™

    • samton909

      From now on, there will be a CHARGE, of ONE DOLLAR per CAPITAL LETTER. This charge will be assessed and sent to the pastor of YOUR CHURCH, and he will stop MASS and come up to you and DEMAND PAYMENT, right then and there. So bring a lot of MONEY to MASS, BUDDY.

    • adamdesign
  • Louis Bertrand

    FAKE NEWS. Learn the facts. There was a formal official statement. Same as years ago when they baked weird large US cookie-style brown loaf hosts.

    • samton909

      n to you too.

    • Joe Mroz

      The Council of Trent was corrupt lazy LiturgiicalNazis?

  • Jim Brooks

    Can’t Fr. Martin SJ write a book and try to build a bridge to the gluten free?

    • samton909

      We should call Gluten free people by the name they choose for themselves – the “Less Gluten Bi-Grainual Transwheatians”, or LGBT.

      • Sebastian Sz

        Your joke is seriously sick – do you throw rocks at people in wheelchairs in your spare time?

        • samton909

          No, I throw gluten free wafers.

          • Nicole Ortego

            I am

            GF and I find his comment hilarious. This is a satire website. Enjoy it!

    • Lady Rotha

      I recently replied to a comment of yours (re: Malachi Martin), and have just noticed it was “removed”..? I don’t approve of censorship, so here it is.

      Martin was not only intelligent, but brilliant!
      Which, if you care to research his academic achievements, you will discover. What did he achieve..? People are still reading his books and listening to his insights (on You Tube) upon the RC Church: Demonic Possession, and Christian devotion in general.
      Many of the issues he raised, regarding the RC Church post Vatican II, and
      the general Spiritual Malaise across Christendom, have become more acute, transparent and obvious, since his demise in 1998.

      When you consider the widespread impiety, moral turpitude and sexual-deviancy which had remained hidden for so long (though often mentioned by Martin: on Art Bell / Bernard Janzen, You Tube) within dioceses, seminaries, and bishoprics, and is now totally – in your face!
      Martin has been proved right on many issues.
      The accusations of lubricity, levelled against Martin after his death, when he could no longer defend himself, is typical of ” the Prince of this world”, and the slithering minions (in bodies or out of them) who serve him.
      The smears and calumnies heaped upon his memory: particularly the imputation that he had a mistress, was thoroughly debunked by the late Edward Harle.
      Harle had visited Martin in New York: where Martin inhabited a small “cell” within the home of Madam Livanos (of the Shipping Dynasty), who was not, according to Harle, Martin’s mistress – but had given Martin shelter when he was homeless.
      Harle (aka Christopher Story) had been investigating that entity, referred to
      as *the New World Order*: which inevitably led him to Martin; as all who attempt to lift that particular Stone, ultimately discover the same *Thing* waiting for them…

      Martin, speaking in the 1990’s, said that,”.. the True Church is already
      going underground.”
      Thanks to Archbishop Lefebvre, and later Pope Benedict, the Latin Mass
      is still offered. Which must give Joy to *Traditional RC* devotees.

      All those who accept the Divinity of Jesus Christ, and are interested in the
      devastating fall of the RC Church from Mighty Fulcrum of Spiritual Power, to – Progressive Do-Gooders in Frocks, in a few short decades (and why?) would profit by listening to his interviews.

  • Casper

    So, seriously, to get to heaven, we have to risk getting hepatitis from our neighbors in the chalice?

    • Joe Mroz

      please give me links to articles that prove this has happened and is a real (rather than hypothetical) risk.

      • Casper

        Tell me it never could or will happen. I still won’t trust that.

        • Joe Mroz

          I won’t say that, I’m not a scientist. We all have to decide what level of risk we’re willing to take. I’m trusting the alcohol in this one, and the fact that no one has ever posted an example of a disease actually being spread.

          • Casper

            What you should trust is the EMHC’s skill at using the wiping cloth.
            “In 1946 Burrows demonstrated that when human volunteers shared a communion cup, with instructions to get as much saliva as possible on the rim, bacteria were recovered in small numbers. In 1967 Gregory showed that in a more realistic simulation of a communion service, various species of bacteria could be recovered from the cup, including staphylococci, Neisseria species, beta-hemolytic and non-hemolytic streptococci, and Micrococcus species.
            In 1967 Hobbs and colleagues performed experiments that concluded that silver and wine may have antimicrobial properties. However, the time interval between each communicant drinking from the cup, which is typically less than five seconds, is not sufficient to cause a significant decrease in bacterial counts. They also found that rotating the chalice was ineffective at decreasing colonization; however wiping the rim with the linen cloth decreased bacterial counts by 90% . All studies concluded that the risk of spreading disease cannot be excluded but is extremely low.”

    • samton909

      Oh, you anti-hepatitis people are always giving hepatitis a bad rap.

  • Hotrod1962

    Just reporting: In a clarification of his statement on the lack of salvation for gluten-free Catholics, Rev. Townsend commented on receiving our Lord under a different species.
    He stated that gluten-free Catholics who happen to be ex-alcoholics were salvation-wise…….. “really screwed”.

  • parishioner ordinaire

    Hmm. It is interesting what really sets people off. Over the last year, there have been one or two pieces that seemed “over the line” to me and more than several that I just did not see the humor in. But all-in-all, this is a worthwhile and interesting community. This site is at its best when it allows us to poke fun at ourselves (practicing Catholics…Roman, Chaldeans, et al.), especially at the intersection between customs, practices, traditional and doctrine. To hold hands or not to hold hands…

    I just would not have guessed that gluten intolerance would be a trigger. I wonder if the Supremes have added celiacs to the list of protected classes when I wasn’t looking — thought Gorsuch would have blocked that.
    As to respecting what is sacred, please remember that each person on this site is so sacred and precious to God that He sent his Son.

    • Sebastian Sz

      Gluten sensitivity/celiac is not a “protected class”, but a legitimate disability, and can be quite heavy/stressful, and is particularly distressing for good Catholics who want to receive the Body of Christ but can’t – please don’t be insensitive about other people’s legitimate sufferings.

      The problem is that this article is not poking fun at Catholics, but (by admin’s own admission to me in the comments), at atheists and such, who are attacking this, for what I think is a very legitimate misunderstanding on their part. Making fun of unbelievers for not believing subtle issues within my religion is not what I consider proper Catholic behaviour, particularly in public.

      I don’t care if other articles on this site are great (they may be, I’m a one time visitor) – the issue is this article and how it is damaging and unfunny on many levels.

  • Monk
    • Sebastian Sz

      The video’s not funny. You know what else is not funny: the fact that there are people who cannot eat wheat, dairy, or corn (and then there is the genetically-modified aspect of it that makes things worse) – so basically they cannot consume 90% of what’s on grocery shelves, and have to be super-careful when eating away from home. Some people’s children are like that (seems to correlate with autism and Down’s, where removing things like gluten seems to help). It’s a big blow to their social lives, their wallet, and absorbs much of their spare time.

      I think this video is stupid and stereotypes people with food intolerance as some kind of moral snobs (of course, it is possible, there’s all kinds – but hardly common). The real snobs are the ones who find other people’s disabilities funny.

      • Monk

        I think it must be harder to be Sebastian Sz than it is to gluten intolerant.

        • Sebastian Sz

          True – but on the upside, I make friends really easily.

      • Joe Mroz

        The article does not talk about people who cannot eat gluten, or have food intolerance. It says “gluten-free”. Have you never met someone who could eat gluten but avoids it for a variety of reasons?

  • James Rattan

    “Unless a grain of WHEAT”