Ford Debuts New RAD-TRAD X9 Van

August 16, 2017 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

Van

 

Just in time for back-to-homeschool, Ford’s roll-out of the new RAD-TRAD X9 is a nod toward its largest conversion van market segment: radical traditional Catholics.

The 15-passenger van, guaranteed to take up two or more parking spots at parish events, arrives at dealerships next week.

Intentionally built to pre-Vatican II safety standards, Ford’s engineers avoided certain modernist frills like seat-belts and air bags.  Nevertheless, reports suggest the RAD-TRAD X9’s low emissions of venial-grade wanderlust are fully California-compliant.

The van features automatic retractable steps for easier egress while wearing even the most frumpy modesty-ware.  State of the art, flat-earth-based GPS navigation,  spare chapel veil cubbies,  and parental media controls that block offensive stations like ESPN and EWTN are also included.

It comes standard with five controversial bumper stickers, most of which don’t make any sense to other drivers stuck behind the four-cylinder van, which reaches speeds as high as 50mph on the freeway.

  • Matt Wagner

    Come on now, that’s a Sprinter! Not a Ford! 😛

  • Don Pardo, Tell us more about the five controversial bumper stickers

  • samton909

    The “Pope Francis Smart Car” did not have good sales, so they switched to this.

    • Chris in Maryland

      Too funny…

    • StanTheMan

      Or the “Pope Francis Ferrari 812” for Novus Ordo newlyweds. Sure it’s expensive and only seats two, but since they never plan on having kids anyway they’ll also have the money to pay for it rather than squandering it on a family.

  • Sr. Mary Brigid

    These babies will FLY off the car lots here in Steubenville! Especially with that windowless feature (all the better for the young ones to learn “custody of the eyes.”). And I do hope a diaper pail comes standard.

  • Mary Ann Andersen

    Loving all the Ford Motor Company ads around the article. LOL

    • Casper

      Hmmm. I’m getting Tactical Crossbows. Nice.

  • rehctawtop

    We are literally that family with that make/model of Ford bus. No lie. So much for your attempt at satire. Hurrumph!

    🙂

    • parishioner ordinaire

      See Monk’s post above

  • NorthernMn

    Does it come with 4wd for the north country? Also rear window family sticker package should come standard with up to 12 girls and 12 boys.

  • Casper

    NIssan salesmen are quaking.

  • JabbaPapa

    hmmmm, with hindsight, perhaps a poor choice for a joke-of-the-day …

    • Phil Steinacker

      This was mildly funny but not up to the EOTT’s best standards, which is usually the case when the true intention is to belittle rather than plumb for authentic humor.

      If I remember correctly, EOTT has in the past taken shots at the trad community, while attempting to make light of it as just joking around.

      This time the digs seem a bit too pointed to use that excuse again.

  • maria1125

    This is hilarious. My husband sent me this link because we are actually in the process of buying a 2018 Ford Transit 350 XLT 15-passenger van.