Joel Osteen Vigorously Attempting To Shove Camel Through Eye Of Needle

August 29, 2017 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

Image: RobertMWorsham

Image: RobertMWorsham


[News Brief]


Just days after refusing to offer shelter at his megachurch to victims of Hurricane Harvey, popular pastor Joel Osteen of Lakewood Church in Houston was seen vigorously attempting to shove a camel through the eye of a needle.

In a post on Twitter Saturday, Osteen said he was praying for those affected by the storm, and asked Christians to pray for him to gain eternal life.

“We all know how difficult it is to gain salvation,” Osteen said. “I ask all those attempting to find refuge or lost family members in this trying time to just take a moment to pause and to pray that I can get this camel through this thing.”

Osteen went on to say that, “although the task of shoving this 6’6, 1,200 pound camel through the needle’s eye seems hopeless, we must never forget that we can do all things in Christ who strengthens us. I think that’s how it goes, at least—been years since I last picked up a bible. Now get in there you humpy sonofabitch!”

At presstime, Osteen has agreed to open up his church to victims of Harvey, and to allow them to make installment payments for up to 6 months with no money down and no interest for their stay.

  • Sr. Mary Brigid

    Already? But he just finished whitewashing his tomb!

    • FatherWagner

      That’s solid humor, Sister!

  • theresaEH

    This little incident just might kick him off the Forbes list of wealthy people ;p

    • Veronica

      Nah. He’ll zoom up to the top of the list.

  • Fake news. How do the anti-religious folks manage to miss the photos of the floods inside his church? And there is more to that story, but those who enjoy fake news won’t find it.

  • Jim Brooks

    It just amazes me how much damage a six foot tall rabbit can do.

  • samton909

    Give the guy a break. The poor man just spent twenty years getting the right amount of gel in his hair to produce that “wavy” effect that Protestants admire. If he goes into a damp environment, it will all fall down and he will look silly. Stop being so selfish, you refugee types.

  • parishioner ordinaire

    Hypocrisy is funny .. so long as it is someone else’s hypocrisy. If it is not, then it’s ironic. And that’s funny too.

  • Christine VanderBloemen

    I thought he offered but his church was also surrounded by water and had water in the church itself. Once it subsided, he offered to open up his church. Please make sure you have the facts correct before posting.

    • Chuck

      Except there are photos showing that not to be the case.

    • Liam Kelly

      Double check yours. The “prosperity gospel” leads to selfish behavior (how can it not).

  • SJ Man

    Great hair though…..

  • Monk
  • Chuck

    “We all know how difficult it is to gain salvation,” really. I thought it was gained FOR us by Jesus on the Cross. How un-Protestant of him to think you can earn salvation.

  • DLink

    All of the prosperity gospel preachers seem to have forgotten to do the will of God first, then all things will be given them.

  • At the very beginning, he should have said that his church could not take in hurricane victims because the church was flooded, if that was the case.