Disgruntled Parishioner Vows To Halt Weekly $1 Donation Until Church Accepts Female Priests

November 20, 2017 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

 

Disgruntled Parishioner of St. Agatha Catholic Church James Fitzgerald reported yesterday that he would hence for no longer financial assist the church with his customary weekly one dollar contribution until the Church begins to allow women to become priests.

63-year-old Fitzgerald, who considers himself a “feminist at heart,” told St. Agatha pastor Fr. Timothy Reynolds that he could no longer stand by and watch an outdated institution continue to suppress women.

“I pulled out this pretty boy and told him to say goodbye to it and many of its friends,” Fitzgerald said, pulling out a crumpled up one dollar bill from his pocket to show Reynolds what he would be missing out on. “Just wanted to show him that I meant business.”

Fitzgerald also told Fr. Reynolds that he also knew “quite a number” of other high level one dollar donors that he could easily call upon to also withdraw they contributions.

“I know James pretty well,” Reynolds told EOTT. “He’s a man of his word. And when he told me that we could no longer count on his four dollars a month, I knew we were in big trouble. Rainbow polyester vestments don’t grow on trees, you know? And with the utility bills and all the other bills we have to pay, we just would never be able to make it without that dollar. Frankly, if the Church doesn’t begin to ordain women and fast, St. Agatha’s is, pardon my language, completely effed. Now if you’ll excuse me, I briefed His Holiness about the situation late last night, and his private jet has just arrived to pick me up for an emergency meeting on how to handle the situation.”

  • HermitTalker

    Who shall pay for married women priests? One suspects it shall take a few thousand one-dollar a week donors, Mr Fitzgerald. Ho holy ho as Santa would say. Ho ho holy crud.

    • samton909

      Who would want to marry a woman priest? All you would be getting is nagging with quotes from the bible to support it.

      • HermitTalker

        She could ask for it in Latin

      • Heinz

        A well-read man would point her to the Song of Songs.

        • HermitTalker

          That’s a highly sexualised analogy applied to a spiritual union. Not recommended for a sex-drenched culture,

        • samton909

          And she would promptly call Gloria Allred and hold a press conference, accusing him of sexual harassment.

    • Guy McClung

      HermitTalker, Let us assume that not all marriages involving a priest and a laywoman [do NOT even think of a pun] will last forever; assume at least one of them will end in civil divorce and that the woman’s attorney, as he is sworn to do, pursues her interests with vigor, and those of the kids more vigorously.

      Imagine if you can what court-appointed guardians of minor children will demand from Holy Mother Church (after DNA testing). How do you cut the church building in half? and where do you draw the line so wife/mother can have 6 of the 12 acres on which the church facilities are located? [Note: against canon law to have a prenup to try to avoid this].

      A very good divorce attorney I know told me, if there is no fight, the wife/mother gets half, and that is half of everything; if the hubby priest would fight, she can get up to 80%.

      And does the diocese by court order create a trust fund for college educations for the priest’s children at local state schools, or must it be at the likes of Harvard, Yale, Stanford etc? Woe be to the diocese that does not have a full-scope fully-funded retirement plan for its clergy; half of which minimum will go to the disgruntled spouse [don’t even think of what will happen if it is proclaimed that homomarriage is a sacrament].

      Now I have to go look up “gruntled” – sounds pretty bad even without the “dis.”

      Immediately if not sooner, the bishops will realize why the church imposed celibacy all those centuries ago. May not explain hardly anything of ecclesial goings on, any act of any saint in the Vatican, and certainly not a single thing the German bishops do, but in this case, exwives will FOLLOW THE MONEY.

      Another thought: and I am NOT saying this could ever happen: bishops will have a hard time sealing court divorce files – they will be open to the public.

      So not to worry-the threat of diminishing collections will mean no married priests.

      HermitT, samton99,, Marg Cahil Z, HotR 62, KJL, LX500, pat, and grumpyYM, and all reading this: Deo Gratias! and Happy happy Thanksgiving, and thank God we can speak with each other this way.

      Guy McClung, Texas

      • Guy McClung

        sorry=add sixlittlerabbits to list above!

      • HermitTalker

        Church property is owned by the Church. Will not be part of divorce settlement. Too old here to consider female or married priests, until Pope Francis and several successors rid the Church of the legalistic Pharisees who control and entrap Jesus’ Mercy and Love

        • samton909

          Ah, so you want Pope Francis to get rid of you. That’s nice of you.

  • Susan

    Hilarious but, unfortunately too close to the truth.

    • kronaie

      I hear they are sneaking in women in to the Pontifical Colleges as transitional deacons. That would be in the American branch. How will they be addressed, MOTHER? Priestess? once a priestess always a priestess. One would think the story would be over after the failure of this experiment in the Anglican/Episcopal church. Split the church. It used to be comforting to have NUNs around.

      • HermitTalker

        Its not easy for most men to “get NONE.”

      • Susan

        The St. Joe nuns in our parish wear civies, capris and tee shirts in the summer. Sigh

  • William of Orange

    Now, there’s a parishioner with integrity! He’s willing to put his money where his Marxism is. Womyn priests will solve all the problems in the church; and the rainbow polyester vestments will look better on them. Amen. I mean, Amyn.

  • Hotrod1962

    In the good old days, the Knights of Columbus would have cornered Mr. Fitzgerald in a dark alley and beat him senseless with the handle-ends of their 4th Degree swords.

    • William of Orange

      Now – with their new boy scout styled uniforms – they shall have to accost his like with their berets of felt. Some say that the ‘strong right arm’ of the Church atrophied, however, it has simply dropped its sword and picked up the flag of relativism. Sing with me now, Onward Christian (Social Justice) Soldier.

      • HermitTalker

        OMG. The Nutters escaped from the Nuttery.

  • Guy McClung

    And think of our shepherds, the bishops, who skim 10% off all those dollars for CHD abortion advocacy and promotion of the joy of those who voluntarily engage in anal sexual acts and other perversions – how will they be able to continue to fund these grave sins without James’s dollars?

    But I am curious, how do they justify denying or disobeying the Command Of
    The Lord that only males can be ordained ? Guy McClung, Texas

    • Margarett Cahill Zavodny

      You do realize this is satire?

      • Guy McClung

        Dear Margaret-Yes, absolutely; and -in my 8th decade on this earth – I also realized it is either true or within 1% of the truth; as, sadly, is much of what is here on EOTT.. And what I wrote is not satire. Guy McClung, Texas

        • Margarett Cahill Zavodny

          Yes, often too close to the truth to be funny!

      • Hotrod1962

        This is satire?

        • Heinz

          No, it’s a conspiracy posing as satire.

    • Heinz

      Could you remind me, where Our Lord gives this Commandment?

      I’m certainly not in favour of female priests, but bolstering an argument with false claims about what Jesus said ends in complete loss of respect for anything you, any christian or the church says.

      • Guy McClung

        Heinz, Thanks for reading my comment. As many times as I read the Bible, until some years ago, I never focused on the words, inspired by God, “command of the Lord.” It is used numerous times in both testaments, and at 1 Corinthians 14:37.

        Considering what may be forthcoming from the Vatican re: new dogma re female deacons and priests, and then bishops, it is a good idea to review this subject.

        The best in-depth discussion of this Command I have found under one cover is Fr. Manfred Hauke’s “Women In The Priesthood?” published in 1986. I referred to this book in my “Male Priests Only; Can This Command Of The Lord Be Disobeyed,” http://the-american-catholic.com/2017/10/11/male-priests-only-can-this-command-of-the-lord-be-disobeyed/

        Some believe that the use of the word “deaconess” in Holy Scripture and in early Church writings, proves that women were ordained to the sacrament of Holy Orders. This was not so. Full treatment of this false belief is found in Fr. Hauke’s book at chapter VI, Section 5, “Excursus on Deaconesses.” (pp. 440-444). Hauke cites several early works, including an early work called the Apostolic Constitutions: “A deaconess does not bless and performs none of the duties carried out by a priest or deacon, she is only a doorkeeper and assists the priests in administering baptism for the sake of decency.”

        Another interesting treatment of this subject is found in a Protestant work, “The Seven Ecumenical Councils,” Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Second Series, ed. Schaff et al at pp. 41-42, section entitled “Excursus on the Deaconess of the Early Church” Here are some excerpts from this work:

        “This whole matter is treated clearly by St. Epiphanius who, while indeed speaking of deaconesses as an order (tagma), asserts that “they were only women-elders, not priestesses in any sense, that their mission was not to interfere in any way with Sacerdotal functions, but simply to perform certain offices in the care of women” (Hær. lxxix., cap. iij). From all this it is evident that they are entirely in error who suppose that “the laying on of hands” which the deaconesses received corresponded to that by which persons were ordained to the diaconate, presbyterate, and episcopate at that period of the church’s history.c It was merely a solemn dedication and blessing and was not looked upon as “an outward sign of an inward grace given.” For further proof of this I must refer to Morinus, who has treated the matter most admirably. (De Ordinationibus, Exercitatio X.)

        ” The deaconesses existed but a short while. The council of Laodicea as early as a.d. 343-381, forbade the appointment of any who were called presbutides (Vide Canon xi); and the first council of Orange, a.d. 441, in its twenty-sixth canon forbids the appointment of deaconesses
        altogether . . .”

        The clincher for me – apart from all the evidence and all the history – is the the acceptance of and adherence to this Command through the ages coupled with Jesus’s promise that the Holy Spirit would be with Jesus’s Church, preserving it from error, always and forever. For over two millennia now the Church has followed the Command Of The Lord that only males be ordained – I cannot see the Holy Spirit allowing this – male only priesthood – to continue for two thousand years if this was and is an error.

        Guy McClung, Texas

        • HermitTalker

          No early deaconesses were not sacramentally ordained. only chosen to serve females at baptism and with priest attending housebound females. Pope Francis as cardinal learned that from an E. Orthodox theologian. Pope Saint JP 11 did not say it was infallible teaching but Cardinal J.Ratzinger later his successor implied it was. Francis likes to have thorough open discussions on many topics; its his Jesuit background style of discernment..

          • samton909

            WRONG, HERMIT MCHERMYFACE – JP II issued Ordinatio Sacerdotalis. Then someone asked if it was infallible, and the CDF issued a statement, which was sent out as APPROVED by JP II. Francis likes to have open discussions, like was Jesus divine, was Mary really a Freemason sent by Aliens, and do all dogs go to heaven?

          • pat

            what’s so bad about divorce or gay marriage? is there anyone in hell, will they be there forever? Do you have to be Catholic to have your baby baptized?

          • HermitTalker

            I would listen to you if you had rea
            d what I wrote you twat

          • samton909

            Do you kiss your mother’s rear end with that mouth?

        • pat

          The pope seems to be of the opinion that Capital punishment can be stated definitively to be intrinsically evil, despite the fact that the church never thought so before, so It doesn’t seem that ‘it has always been so’ is much of a road block for him.

          • HermitTalker

            JESUS SAID ITIN BEAUTITUDES. Saint JP 11danced around it; POPE FRANCIS cut through the jingoism and went directly to JESUS. He has declared war on all manner of legalistic mumbo jumbo that has trapped the Church for ages. Casuistry, read the old moralistic texts before the Council whose proponts still Pharieaicly control the hierarchy and legalistic

          • pat

            he also said “yes, yes and no. no” anything else is from the devil…We haven’t had a lot of yes, yes, no, no lately.

          • HermitTalker

            What reference are you making??

          • samton909

            YES, eliminate that legalistic mumbo jumbo like the ten commandments and the teaching of the Church. LONG LIVE THE SPIRIT OF VATICAN II, and HIPPIES WITH GUITARS AT MASS AND DANCING GIRLS. Right on, my hippy brother. Groovy.

          • pat

            where?

        • Heinz

          Oh, please, not such a long text on such a short question!
          As far as I can make out, you use 1 Corinthians 14:37 to literally mean that anything written by St. Paul is actually the Command of the Lord and that when he rants about (certain) women gossipping and asking questions during mass it is equivalent to the Lord commanding there not to be priestresses?
          That is not convincing.
          I repeat: By exaggerating statements and claiming Jesus’ authority on legal matters, you harm the church. Many have done that (even in israelite times) and they are a very good reason to be an atheist.
          Express your concern in love and I’m all with you.

          • HermitTalker

            Rome never cherry-picks Bible verses AND relies on Her 2100 year Tradition to discern Truth

          • pat

            Well, generally it’s a tradition of about 60 years these days, but, Is it Tradition or legalistic Pharisees that prevents women from being ordained (with the entrapping and all)?

          • HermitTalker

            2100 years. Last promulgated by Saint John Paul Two. Considered infallible by the then CDF, however he did not invoke the formula from Vatican Council One. That however does not deny its infallibility same as several other dogmas.

          • Heinz

            I always wonder why the expression “cherry-picking” is used for something bad.
            I would love to pick me some cherries and now I can’t.

    • kronaie

      There is no command there are suggestions. We know several young priests who are openly living with women as tho married. This was a late entry requirement for the priesthood and not a commandment.

      • HermitTalker

        That is as old as the Church Konnaie when the Apostles were allowed a “wife as sister” as Paul said- he chose not to; it ended with the inevitable scandal. Sex solves no problems in itself. Saying this is a late entry requirement surprises me since the current crop of priests, and second career Protestant clergy has produced mostly right wingers. ### I wish you “rots a ruck” trying to use reason with Guy McClung. He gets so irrational he does not actually reply to what I write and practices CAPITAL PUNISHMENT screaming at me. Wonder if you get the pun Guy. It’s irony which this site lacks badly.

  • GrumpyYoungMan

    Reckon he’ll chip in 50¢ a week if we end up with Deaconettes?

  • pat

    Doesn’t he realize that womyn already run everything in the church anyway?
    At least as things are, they get to control everything and complain about having no power at the same time, with the added benefit of being able to say “don’t blame us” when something goes wrong.

    • KJL

      But if we only had womyn priests, then they could make the male deacons do the dishes after Mass and all would be right in the world (as they know it).

      • pat

        Yes, and since according to another article, they are going to disposable vessels, the male deacons can take out the garbage after mass… which after all is a man’s job anyway.

        • HermitTalker

          Sickotic.

  • samton909

    You may scoff, but get two or three of these guys acting in unison, and pretty soon we are talking about real money!

    • KJL

      And them earthenware vessels must cost $5 or so.

  • sixlittlerabbits

    LOL, Eye of the Tiber at this great post!

    One of the priests at my parish has a set of those polyester vestments, and they are so tawdry and cheap looking. And the pastor plays taped music, lest we sit in peace as we pray.

    As for my own Archdiocese of New York, it does not see even $1 donations in the collection basket from me. Send my bucks to the Center for Medical Progress and Mass Resistance.

    • Heinz

      How can you resist mass? Not even light can do that, if it is large enough!

      • HermitTalker

        sixlittlerabbits does not get that pun

        • sixlittlerabbits

          sixlittlerabbits just saw the pun now and cannot resist being serious and giving Mass Resistance a plug here. MR is the best site this rabbit has found exposing the gay LBGTQA agenda. MR’s new book “The Health Hazards off Homosexuality” is highly recommended. MR is located in Massachusetts, so the abbreviation of the state is used in its name.

    • HermitTalker

      Jesus shall demand repayment; can you not afford both?

      • sixlittlerabbits

        It’s a matter of principle. The Archdiocese of New York is scandal ridden, while our Cardinal schmoozes.

  • LX5000

    upon hearing this news, other aging feminists reacted: ‘you can actually only give a dollar a week? Instead of five!? Dammit.’

  • HermitTalker

    May I suggest EOTT regroup for Advent and hire some new satirists. U pledge two dollars a week, That one dollar is an insult to Stewardship.

    • VeilOfTiers

      Sounds like someone is looking for employment! Good luck…

      • HermitTalker

        Advertising for SATIRE to replace EOTT current offerings

    • samton909

      Louis CK has applied. They say there is a problem with his application, though

  • Andrej

    As is often the case, it’s the last line that stings the most.

    • Heinz

      Why?

      The danger with these ludicrous articles is, that you never know where the truth starts. So you come to think the Pope owns a special Jet with bathroom that he can send around the world for his own purposes on a whim.

      As a german (we have been taught that feeling proud to be german is bad) I advice catholics that they feel proud to be members of the institution that feeds, clothes, shelters and educates more people on earth every day than any other, instead of making stinging implications about the fact that a normal Alitalia passenger craft is reserved for the pope, so that he is not bound to commercial routes.

      • HermitTalker

        The Vatican employs Alitalia to fly him in and out of each nation, including his staff and select journalists. Internal flights employ an exclusive aircraft used by HH, staff and select media personnel. Totally sensible and reasonable. One presumes the selected pool media pay the airlines for flying

        • pat

          Yes, but just think of all of the homeless migrant prostitutes he could feed and pay to have snuck into America if he, the humblest man on the planet, probably even in history, just thumbed a ride instead. (not to mention the good it would do for the environment!!) or better yet, just stay home. The whole rock-star pope thing was tired when it started and now worse.

          • HermitTalker

            You seem to be clueless about international security protocols for possible assassination targets. Paul VI was stabbed, JP11 was almost assassinated, saved miraculously. Get after all POTUS, European leaders and half white, half Kenyan Obama whose motorcade drove him to be on a Chicago Jury pool for which he had no chance of being chosen. You sound like a Pope- Sick- it to him. He did have Mass for Rome’s poor and paid for their food last Sunday. When is the last time any POTUS did anything similar; they specialise in intercoursing the globe with bombs and endless wars. Do you know the cost of fuel alone for Air Force One is for one hour. Judas fussed about the cost of the ointment for anointing Jesus. Same for Katlicks moaning about expensive Cathedrals while state and local governments shovel tax dollars like confetti at boondoggle projects. Who objects?

          • pat

            But, it just fits so much better with his act to be thumbing a ride. After all, he was the one who reminds everyone how humble he is every day, It is not incongruous for a pope to have a nice place to live, to be driven in fine cars, or to wear fine attire, it is appropriate, as it is appropriate to build fine churches and cathedrals and furnish them with beautiful things.

            But, this pope, with his “little old me” act, why not fly coach or business class? Isn’t he on a mission to refashion the church? surely no harm can come to him, right? or does he take the act only so far?

            But, in fairness, it is more likely his desire to diminish the power of the papacy and the Vatican, than it is his desire to praised for his humility that drives him, otherwise, the rock-concert like productions all around the globe would be cut down. If he won’t be persuaded to go on a perpetual retreat, the next best thing he could do for the church would be to cut out the globalism, Ecology and divorce tours.

          • HermitTalker

            To quote Queen Victoria in part One is not amused with nonsensical bull manure. To quote Alice’s Mad Queen “Off with your head.”

          • pat

            I know, we shall not tolerate any criticism of St francis the humble. To criticize him is to criticize Christ of whom he is the exact copy, if not even an updated improvement.

            off with my head…? hasn’t pope st Francis the humble stated that capital punishment is evil?

          • Guy McClung

            Pat-There is always a Reign Of Terror after all their heads are off.

            La Misericordia Bulla

            Mercy for you, mercy from me.
            Hosanna, mercy! Hosanna, me !

            Dogma says “don’t”, doctrine says “whoa”!
            Tradition says “halt”. Serviam? I say No.

            Sin can be virtue, virtue be sin.
            But mercy is mercy, Voila! Sin again.

            Obstinate, harsh, hateful justice is wrong.
            Mercy the prize, dance to my song.

            Mercy the rock, the rock built on me.
            So it is now and ever will be.

            Mercy for all, unring the bell.
            Satan is saved, though his ideal is hell

            Mercy for you, mercy from me.
            Hosanna, mercy! Hosanna, me!

            http://www.catholiclane.com/poem-la-misericordia-bulla/

            Dec 1, 2016 – Poem: “La Misericordia Bulla”. by Guy McClung, J.D., Ph.D

            Guy McClung, Texas

          • pat

            Wonderful, set it to music, they can use it for world youth day!!
            something catchy like Eagle’s wings, or We are called.

          • HermitTalker

            I used say that I opposed abortion and the death penalty but favoured it to apply to people like you and Guy. who could be excused for not actually listening

          • pat

            I’m sure you did. it’s your new church charity.

          • samton909

            “I Am The Greatest” by Jorge Bergoglio

            When I was a little boy
            Way back home in Buenos Aires
            My mama told me, I was great!

            Then when I was a teenager,
            I knew that I had got something going,
            All my friends told me I was great.

            Now I’m the Catholic Pope,
            It doesn’t matter that I’m a big dope
            My friends, the real gay ones, say I’m great!

            I am now the greatest show on earth,
            I’m pretty certain, I was virgin birthed.
            Now I’m only Eighty, too.
            And all I want to do, is ordain women too!

            Hey!

          • pat

            could that be set to music for use at world youth day? Maybe to the tune of Eagle’s wings or My little Pony?

          • samton909
          • samton909

            Hate to break it to you Mr. “Pope Francis is my God”, but every Pope has done the same things. Pope Benedict did it all the time, but he did not make a big deal out of it to the media that Mr. Humble does.

      • Andrej

        No I mean that Francis would jump at the chance to use that silly pretext (losing $1 donors) to force wymyn priests. The rumors are that he will try to force through married priests with his next heretical encyclical. Who knows what will follow.

        • HermitTalker

          Hilarious Anrej calls Pope Francis a heretic. A parallel Magisterium claiming infallibility. Did someone say irony?????

          • Rose Lincoln

            It’s Andrej not Anrej damn it!

          • HermitTalker

            Rose he’s missing more than a D dammit Girl

          • samton909

            Irony

  • Rose Lincoln

    Hanging out for a new funny. Pretty please.