Christendom College Freshman Finally Engaged

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Christendom College faculty and students celebrated today as one of the last remaining unwed students “finally” got engaged.

Those who witnessed the proposal, which took place in the adoration chapel, told EOTT today that freshman Marie Elizabeth Therese Townsend was proposed to by longtime courter, Alex Sandoval.

“It’s about gosh darn time,” Alice Montgomery, a friend of Townsend, said as she adjusted her hair shirt. “Marie is getting up there in age and has been courting Alex for nearly two and a half weeks. She has the patience of a saint that girl, waiting all these days for Alex to hurry up and pull the trigger. But at least he did it.”

Friends of Alex Sandoval said that he’s always had commitment issues, but didn’t know the extent of them until just recently.

“Just about a week ago the dean, school counselors, and his parents were pulled in to discuss the issue. Alex and Marie had been courting just about eight or so days by that time, and people were getting really concerned that he was just stringing her along. But all is good now. All but one student are either married, engaged, or will become priests or nuns once they graduate.”

At press time, Alex and his friends are celebrating his bachelor party near the Shenandoah River, where everyone is currently taking turns telling a funny story about Alex, before they participate in the traditional “flogging of the bachelor.”