Breaking: Your Side Will Win The Midterm Elections Today Because Of Your Comment On A Facebook Post

November 6, 2018 by  
Filed under Politics


In what many are calling a spectacular turn of events, pollsters are now saying that the midterm election today will be won by your side because of a single, passionate comment you wrote on a friend’s Facebook post close to one month ago.

“I was a little drunk when I wrote that comment two months ago. In fact, I didn’t even remember writing it until a friend brought it up today. And I gotta be honest—two months old, but the comment still stands strong.”

Early results also show that the construction of that new stadium in your city that friends have been pushing for—well, it’s gonna be built, or not, really depends on how fast you can throw up a comment or at least post an image or video or something on social media. Yeah, and don’t forget about that Muslim candidate that’s been vilified by his opponent because of his religion—gotta save that guys campaign too. It’s all on you, my dude.

“Yeah, timing is key right now. With only a few hours to go, there’s not much time left for hope or prayer. I gotta take action and post something, pronto.”

At press time, sources say that the future of our roads and bridges rest squarely on your shoulders—so please do not forget to mention them when commenting.