Gillette Introduces New ‘Tampons For Him’

January 17, 2019 by  
Filed under Politics

  Just days after stirring up controversy with an ad attempting to cure toxic masculinity, Gillette today introduced its newest product, ‘Tampons for Him.’ “With our new product, even the most masculine of men will now have a discreet way of tempering the poisonous manliness that they often feel,” said Assistant Gillette Spokesman Alexander Dowgray, adding that the new tampons will help contain the “flow” of the venomous masculinity is... Read More

Mexican President Obrador Calls For Border Wall To Help Keep Out Drunk College Students From Entering Country During Spring Break

January 8, 2019 by  
Filed under Politics

Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador took to national television Tuesday night in his battle over his proposed border wall to keep out drunk college students from the country during spring break. Describing the situation at places like Cabo San Lucas and Puerto Vallarta during the months of February and April as a “growing crisis,” Obrador urged Congress to give him close to $97 billion pesos to keep out “undesirables.” “This... Read More

Nancy Pelosi Named Speaker Of The Church

January 7, 2019 by  
Filed under Politics

Image: Gage Skidmore   Nancy Pelosi became the most powerful person in the Catholic Church today as she was elected Speaker of the Church in America. The Catholic democrat vowed to “reach across the pews and across the divisions in this great Church.” “American Catholics want a Church that delivers results for the people, even if those results are completely at odds with Church teaching they have heard in the past,” Pelosi said with gavel in... Read More

Local Christian Still Pretty Hopeful Abortion Soon To Be Banned After Brett Kavanaugh Sides With Planned Parenthood

December 12, 2018 by  
Filed under Politics

  Telling fellow parishioners that even though Brett Kavanaugh for some reason decided to side with liberals in declining to hear a case that could have allowed states to defund Planned Parenthood, local Christian Randal Miller confirmed that he was still hopeful that the new justice was just the man to finally put an end to abortion. “I don’t know, I guess I just have trust in God and his new administration,” Miller told fellow parishioners... Read More

Breaking: Your Side Will Win The Midterm Elections Today Because Of Your Comment On A Facebook Post

November 6, 2018 by  
Filed under Politics

  In what many are calling a spectacular turn of events, pollsters are now saying that the midterm election today will be won by your side because of a single, passionate comment you wrote on a friend’s Facebook post close to one month ago. “I was a little drunk when I wrote that comment two months ago. In fact, I didn’t even remember writing it until a friend brought it up today. And I gotta be honest—two months old, but the comment still... Read More

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