Area Catholic Confirms Too Many Obligations To Make It To Mass On Holy Day Of Obligation

August 15, 2013 by  
Filed under Mass, Uncategorized

Rancho San Diego, CA––29-year-old Catholic Tony Rigali confirmed to his family earlier today that due to all the “things on his plate,” he would be, unfortunately, having to skip Holy Day of Obligation Mass today in honor of the Feast of the Assumption. “Yeah, it’s just, I’m so swamped Thursdays cause of work and stuff. And this week especially cause I got the fish bowl I gotta clean, as well as my hair…not to mention... Read More

First Ever “World Geriatric Day” To Take Place In Boca Raton

August 11, 2013 by  
Filed under Uncategorized, Vatican

Excited Old People

VATICAN––Just a couple weeks after announcing the location of the next World Youth Day, Pope Francis this morning has announced that the location of the first ever World Geriatric Day will take place in Boca Raton, Florida. After returning from what has been called “immense” and “welcoming” crowds in Rio, Francis commented to reporters that “These kids already got the idea. Now if I could only find a way to reach their grandparents,... Read More

Man Who’s Able To Bring Christ Down From Heaven To Earth Required To Get Permission From Parish Council For Something

August 8, 2013 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Parish Council denies request of man ordained to the Order of Melchizedek.

Parish Council denies request of man who was ordained to the Order of Melchizedek. Albany, New York––Fr. Kenneth Roberts of Holy Spirit Catholic Church in Albany, New York announced today that despite having the power and authority to bring Christ down from Heaven during the Mass, he is still, for some unfathomable reason, still  required to get permission from the parish council about most everything he does. “I guess I’m just kinda confused,”... Read More

Matt Fradd Named Eye Of The Tiber’s Sexiest Chastity Speaker Alive

August 4, 2013 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Matt

Eye of the Tiber is happy to announce that Catholic apologist Matt Fradd has been named its 2013 Sexiest Chastity Speaker Alive. His rugged good looks, dirty blond locks, and of course the masculine, yet somehow soft and gentle sound of this Aussie’s voice helped make him this year’s top choice. Although this Australian by birth, Catholic by choice hottie spends his time preparing for talks on subjects such as chastity, love, and the dangers... Read More

One Million Youth Visit Rio To See Pope On Large Screen

July 27, 2013 by  
Filed under Mass, Uncategorized

WYD

Rio de Janerio, Brazil––Media sources confirm that nearly one million Catholic young people from nearly every country in the world put aside their lives and traveled to Brazil to catch a glimpse of the Holy Father Pope Francis projected onto one of the large screens set up for the papal Mass culminating the World Youth Day celebrations. “The faithfulness and energy of the youth of the Catholic Church is inspiring,” said one attending priest.... Read More

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