Developing: Sick Man Attempting To Shake Your Hand During Sign Of Peace

Fort Worth, TX––It is being reported this second that the sick man who has been violently coughing into his hands all Mass has been feverishly trying to get your attention to shake hands during the Sign of Peace. “I already threw him a peace sign…why does he keep staring?” you ask yourself as you then begin to throw everyone else peace signs so as to have him believe that that’s just the way you do it. The stranger, who has reportedly been wiping his nose of the seemingly perpetual flow of snot running from his reddened nose before conspicuously drying them onto his pants is now leaning forward toward you, smiling and saying, “Peace of Christ,” one witness is now reporting. At press time, you’re pretending to not hear him as you lower your kneeler and pretend to busily prepare for the Agnus Dei, mumbling fake prayers under your breath as you do so.