Man Angry That Only Women Can Become Female Priests

Florence Hensley and companions minutes after practicing mass Medford, OR––Speaking at a Women’s Rights group at the home of fellow parishioner Florence Hensley of Medford, Oregon this week, 58-year-old Roger Shannahan complained that the group was being sexist for unjustly excluding men from the group’s hopes of a female priesthood. “I mean, you could see in the early... Read More

Colorado Priest To Appoint Entire Parish Eucharistic Ministers

Loveland, CO––Saint Perpetua Parish Priest Father Nick Farley announced Friday that he would be appointing every single parishioner at his church an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion. “In due respect to the amount of Extraordinary Ministers needed per mass, the adage ought to be, more the merrier,” Farley said. Farley later proudly added that all of his current Extraordinary... Read More

New State-Of-The-Art Church Promises Comforts Of The Future

LONDON––A new state-of-the-art church in London opened today with Christmas/Easter size crowds eager for an opportunity to experience the next generation of churches. St. Joseph Cupertino Parish pastor Roger O’Malley gave Eye of the Tiber an exclusive tour of the mega Catholic Church. “As you can see everyone gets their own synthetic leather recliner, which includes storage... Read More

SSPX Acolyte Stumbles During Offertory; Mass Deemed Invalid

Tempe, AZ––12-year-old acolyte Jake Brody atoned for his sin Sunday for having negligently stumbled on his way to the altar earlier that morning. The Mass was immediately stopped when the presiding priest, Robert Dillard, deemed it no longer valid. “It was just a mistake, I understand,” Dillard admitted, but explained that stumbling did not appear anywhere in the 1962 missal.... Read More

Dissident Legionary Parts Hair In The Middle

  Thornwood, NY–Speaking to an assembly of Legionary of Christ seminarians this week, Communications Director for the Legionaries Jim Fair expressed outrage over the most recent scandal to hit the fragile religious congregation, when just last week Legionary priest Ronald Mckellen was caught on tape with his hair parted down the middle; a clear violation of the rules and regulations of... Read More

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