Drive-Thru Confessions Huge Hit In Local Parish

January 5, 2013 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Wichita, KS––Reports out of The Church of the Most Holy Trinity in Wichita, Kansas are confirming that last week’s launch of their new drive-thru confessional was a complete success. “It’s an absolute blessing,” Church Pastor Father Donald Borland told Eye of the Tiber. “One day I was sitting in the confessional listening to this old man’s confessions, and all I could think about was how long this poor old man was standing in line. I remember I thought to my self, ‘Self, there’s gotta be a better way to do this than to have people standing in line for 20 minutes.’” So began the idea to create the first drive-thru confessional. “I love it, and it’s so simple,” Stephanie Randal, a college sophomore said. “You drive up to a menu with a list of all types of sins and combo sins, and you just tell the priest which number or numbers you did on the menu. No chit-chat, no nothing. I remember I told him I committed a number four super-sized, and he asked me to please drive forward. That’s it. You drive up to him at the first window, he absolves you, and the last step is you go to the second window where his secretary tells you your total. They call it a penance, I guess…I don’t know, I drove right through that part.”

  • Martha

    Nice.

    Actually, though, I think you’re on to something there… I dig the numbering system. Super size. Ha!

    • prairiewind

      I live in Wichita. There is no Holy Trinity parish and no Fr. Donald Borland in existence here. The greek orthodox do have a namesake parish of Holy Trinity, but I have no idea if they have a Fr. Donald Borland there. This is a complete hoax, and is scandalous to the church for people to think it’s real.

      • Cindy

        Than you for this information! AND glad it’s not true.

      • http://google peter

        Thank you for this information My blood ran cold when i say this . With some clergy you can never tell . Thanks again

      • Jeff

        this is no hoax, this is satire.

  • mary 1930

    Are you serious! yes the lines are long but it is the personal nature of the confessional that also helps people- some mini counselling etc.- one of the people in the article drove right through the penance ‘window” so how does absolution work for him?

  • http://EyeoftheTiber Shirley J. Schultz`

    This priest needs our prayers desperately.

  • LL

    It’s funny when people lack the sense of humour to get the joke, and it’s sad when reality has veered so off course that parodies look like reality.

    • Catholic Coach

      Thumbs up to both parts of your statement

  • rosemarie kuey

    I think this could work with some modifications. I am one of those cradle Catholics that still gets anxious and upset standing in line for the Confessional. I think with a few “tweaks”, like the ability to also talk to the priest something like this may work. I’ve also read that in Colorado, priests are there in the malls to hear Confessions. With so many of us restricted to 30 minutes on Saturday, it makes sense to make Confession more available. I also think this priests might have tried Confessions before Mass as an alternative, rather than the setup he has now.

    • JFK

      The reason you feel anxious when you are standing in the confession line is because that is when Satan gives you back the shame he removed from you just before you commited sin. The point of confession is to condem yourself and own your fault before the priest who takes the place of Christ. You know that no one changes unless they first acknowledge their guilt. You must feel shame and sorrow for offending God!

  • James C.

    Thank God it’s just a joke, but there are so many horrifying and ridiculous things going on you have to wonder if it’s real. For example, in the Albany diocese where I’m from, I’ve seen women in stoles giving absolution as people line up to tell them “one little sin” (to say nothing of the diocesan celebration of Lenten traditions such as “the way of the cross in the company of clowns”).

    • Brian

      James, are you certain that the Diocese of Albany is the Catholic Diocese (and not another Christian denomination)? Since only Priests can hear confession (and absolve sins) and only men can become Priests, I find it very difficult to believe that the Bishop of Albany would allow this type of absolution to happen. In the end, I do not think that it would be a valid absolution.

  • debra jones

    What a disgrace of a man to even come up with this ludicrous idea. Receive the Holy Spirit, whose sins you shall forgive, they are forgiven them; and whose sins you shall retain, they are retained. How are you ( Father Don) ever going to fully feed your sheep? How do you absolve the sin? Do you push # 1 for “go, you are forgiven of your sins, or # 2, I cannot absolve you because you picked a # 1, 2,4, 7 and 9 and it really didn’t “seem” like you were really sorry for your sins. I personnaly WANT to hear the priest tell me I am forgiven and to go and sins no more. Is this the way Christ did it? Did He say to the blind, the sick, the leper, and doubting Thomas to go push a # 2 and I will forgive you? I think this priest is an AA1025. Many will come in sheeps clothing, I believe that the Most Holy Trinity just got itselves an abomination. I will say many rosaries for this parish.

    • l.l.

      But this parish does’nt exist, so who are you praying for?

  • Carol Fernandes

    I agree with you Shirley J Schultz, this priest does need our prayers. It’s ridiculous and absurd. One might then confess their sins over the phone and it would make no difference.
    The sanctity of the confessional is sacred where one is humbled and absolved of their sins.

  • Nola

    so Confessing to Our Blessed Lord is Now Via Drive Through???!!!! This Is Disgusting!!

  • lana

    My dearest brothers and sisters in CHRIST, its so sad if we can not spent even
    20 min.for our confessions. If you will confess you sins ” Drive THRU” your way
    to HELL will be DRIVE THRU too. Think about that. Love you in CHRIST.

  • Cindy

    I know this sounds like a very modern answer to confession. It is unique, creative and fast. But I feel something is lost with this approach, We lose personal contact with the priest, a heart to heart, private conversation that is needed, so we can heal our hearts and learn better ways for us to approach our problems in a more constructive manner and in a way that in Godly. When we are in church and in the confessional, we are able to take time and focus on mistakes and sins and not be distracted. We all need to get away from the easy, fast approaches to life and give the Lord our attention by spending time in solitude, in thoughtfulness, not in a manner like we do when we order a hamburger. Our Lord deserves our time and respect.

  • Paul Ruggieri

    “Toot and tell or go to hell” was a feature of a 1970′s comedian routine when he offered the drive thru confessional as an option. The joke is on those who are making Christ a quick serve worker. I recommend avoiding this. Seek a traditional Priest who isn’t so concerned with convenience.

  • http://www.findingsomethingbetter.wordpress.com Rose

    Hahaha I love this blog, and these comments.

    • Catholic Coach

      I agree, lol! Some people are obviously cycling the satire back, while, others….? The ones who take it seriously are the funniest!

  • Fr D

    Looks like this site needs a disclaimer somewhere. The great danger of good satire is that it looks so much like the truth that people believe it.

  • Joe

    The demeaning of the Sacrament.

  • Jason

    Springtime of Vatican 2!

  • http://www.waulk.org Frances Dunlop

    Lighten up, folks. It’s a JOKE!

  • http://www.waulk.org Frances Dunlop

    Lighten up, folks. It’s a JOKE!

  • Catholic Coach

    I’ve actually been thinking for some time of a drive-thru Eucharist. Why should busy people- obviously much busier than the rest of us- have to take so much time out of their Sunday to rush to Mass in time for the end of the homily, sit through all that Eucharistic liturgy stuff, and wait in line for Jesus with the common masses before they can cut out the side door before the announcements and the missa? There should be a drive through option, definitely.

    • Cindy Coleman

      Someone who gets the spirit of this satire! Of course, neither drive-through confession or Eucharist would work, because so many Catholics just are tooooo darned busy to spare the time even for that. I am incredulous that so many people actually thought this was a real church. Folks, the entire website is a satire taking some off-kilter trends in our church and carrying them to the nth degree. Apparently the hit is right on target, as so many believed this was a real post about a real church.

  • Jamey Brown

    I hope this doesn’t lead to the Text of Peace.