King Richard III Confirmed Dead

February 5, 2013 by  
Filed under Political, Uncategorized

Leicester, England–Scientists say they have found the missing remains of King Richard III, confirming reports that the 15th century monarch is dead. Researchers at the University of Leicester told reporters today that the skeleton unearthed proved “beyond the shadow of a doubt” that the 33-year-old king, jokingly called ”Good King Richard” by friends and family, was in fact dead, and not in seclusion as some have speculated since he first went missing some 500 years ago. “It’s with sympathy and regret that we report the death of Richard Plantaganet,” university spokesman Stan Hatcher said. “We held out hope for some time that he may still be alive, but as the centuries passed, we knew that chances of finding Mr. Plantaganet alive were slim.” Hatcher went on to say that battle scars found on the skeleton may cast light on whether foul play was involved. “We’re not quite sure how Plantaganet died yet, but we’re not ruling out foul play. There’s just something about that battle-scarred skeleton that seems a bit off.”

  • Will

    But did they see his long-form birth certificate?

    • http://southernvermontcrank.blogspot.com/ I am not Spartacus

      What is needed is a Longshanks Death Certificate.

  • http://www.romancatholichomilies.blogspot.com Fr. Larry

    If only they could say that for Elvis?

  • secondeve

    Does Stan Hatcher have tenure? And if not why?

  • Panda Rosa

    Yes, after 500 years, the possibility of King Richard’s being would start to look rather slim.