Parishioners Mystified By Sudden Appearance Of Mysterious, Shiny Golden Box
Houston, TX–Just weeks after being appointed a new young pastor, parishioners at St. Agatha Catholic Church in Houston, Texas were baffled this morning when they saw a large, gold, “magical box-looking thingy” sitting directly behind the altar as they entered St. Agatha Catholic Church. “Well, we all walked in to church this morning and saw this golden box placed right where our old pastor, Fr. Rick, sat during the Mass,” a visibly shaken parishioner Carli Welk told reporters. “And we all just looked at each other and were all like, ‘What is that?’ I told everyone to slowly back away from it.” Welk is now being heralded as a hero after calmly rushing all of the parishioners outside where she proceded to dial 9-1-1. “I don’t consider myself a hero,” she later reported to a local Houston area news affiliate. “I just did what I had to, you know? We didn’t know what was in there or whether the thing itself was dangerous. Some thought it was just an ornate refrigerator carrying some kind of supernatural bread…others actually thought there might actually be a body in there. Better safe than sorry.” At press time, state officials have been called to the scene after St. Agatha’s new pastor was seen on his knees before the shiny gold box, reportedly transfixed and completely succumbing to the yet to be identified powers of the box.