Report: Mahony’s Pretty Much Got This Pope Thing In The Bag

February 26, 2013 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads, Uncategorized

“The only question that remains is what name he shall take.”

VATICAN CITY–The Italian Newspaper La Rupubblica is reporting today that a member of the Vatican Curia confirmed to them that, barring a shocking upset, the former head of the Los Angeles Diocese Cardinal Roger Mahony has all but locked up his spot as the Catholic Church’s 266th Bishop of Rome. “An anonymous member of the Curia has revealed to us that the gay lobby working within the Vatican is now lobbying for Cardinal Mahony to succeed Benedict. They believe he is best suited for the job,” a reporter for La Repubblica, Luigi Rossi, told reporters. “When we asked the Curia member how they were progressing, he told us that ‘Mahony’s pretty much got this Pope thing in the bag,’ and that the only question that remained was what name he would be taking. Members of the Curia unanimously believe that Mahony can fix the mess in the Church just as he did the mess in Los Angeles. Basically, if he runs things just the same as he ran things in the L.A. diocese, as well as the way he ran his annual Los Angeles Religious Congress, the Church should be just fine…like the Episcopalians. At press time Mahony has sent a message to his twitter followers reading, “Yup, got this Pope thing on lock #JP3WeLoveThee?

  • Michael Schumacher

    I know this is satire, but I still need a drink after reading that. Yuck.

  • Anthony

    I think my blood pressure just jumped, good thing this is satire.

  • Yae

    Same here…I do not even want to think about that being a possibility. My faith will be surely tested…save me Lord Jesus!

  • BunRabs

    He would choose the most ironic name possible: Innocent XIV.

  • TheresaEH

    He that goes into the conclave a pope comes out a cardinal. ;-)

  • Mack Hall

    Pope Flower I?

    • frahobbit

      That’s Pope Fiorello I