Berkeley Sophomore Anxiously Considering Coming Out Of Closet To Reveal He’s Opposed To Gay Marriage

March 24, 2013 by  
Filed under Politics, Uncategorized

Heterosexual

Berkley, CA–University of California, Berkeley student Emanuel Ramsey revealed to Eye of the Tiber today that he was extremely nervous about possibly coming out of the closet to friends and fellow classmates about his opposition to gay marriage. The 20-year-old sophomore reported that he always felt like something was different about himself, saying that he first felt the “burning desire” to stand up against gay marriage when he was just a little boy. “My friend’s parents were lesbians,” Ramsey said. “I remember going to his house to play, and thinking all I wanted was to just leave…to just go home to witness the tender, heterosexual love of my mother and father…but I felt so ashamed.” Ramsey, who has toyed with the idea of coming out of the closet for some years now, went on to say that growing up in Berkeley, he always felt that he would be ridiculed and picked on if he ever came out against gay marriage. “Look…I’m scared of disappointing my friends, my peers, and even some people at my parish…but the fact is that I’m more afraid of continuing to disappoint myself. I’ve been living a lie and I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired of hiding who I really am.” At press time, Ramsey has taken out an old, dusty photo of Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone hiding in his sock drawer, longing for the day he can finally, proudly put it up in his dorm room.

  • RAW

    Too funny and sad

  • Mike

    I love it! Don’t be afraid of the Heterophobes. They are just ignorant.

  • PureCatholic

    🙂 EOTT!!!!!!

  • Adam Hovey

    Don’t do it man: Caren and Tina won’t like you anymore.

  • Guy McClung

    I can sooooo identify with Emanuel-came out of the Monogamy Closet myself in 2012, and have never felt better or more faithful. It has also made my confessions so much easier and faster. No more lies!!!!! Guy McClung, San Antonio TX

    Rockport Pilot Newspaper; Rockport, Texas
    Letters to Editor: published March 7, 2012

    I’m here, she’s dear, get used to us- Out of the monogamy closet.

    Dear Editor:

    As the dark ages of heterophobia are waning, our society is evolving, for the good, to the point where it can now accept me and my ilk. I cannot deny it any longer-I am coming out of the monogamy closet. Yes! I am faithful to my wife and I always have been since the day we were married over 38 years ago. I have always felt different around those who, with absolutist certainty, preached: self-fulfillment, freedom, liberty, self-worth, if-it-feels-good-do-it, I-gotta-be-me, do-it-my-way, grab-for-all-the-gusto-you-can, grab [another partner]-now, do-not-judge, my-morality-is-good-as-yours, and I-choose-my-morality. Why they want to impose this on me I do not know.

    I knew deep in my heart and in my soul I was different. This is something I can turn on and off, it is a matter of my choice, my free will. It is innate in me. This is the way I was made by God and so I have come to believe it cannot be bad. I knew I was free to choose, it felt so natural. And I chose – over and over, again and again – to love my wife, and only my wife.

    I know many will heap opprobrium on me, and some will even condemn me. So, I would like to begin a dialogue with those who are not like me, even though the grip of monagaphobia for some is overwhelming and the response from some monogaphobes is often shrill, scary, and even violent. Hopefully such a dialogue will spawn a movement to have the right to monogamy recognized legally and, if necessary, enforced by the government with concomitant retroactive compensation for past injustice, with future preferential treatment.

    If it comes to legal action, no doubt many judges, fine judicial legislators, on courts at all levels and on the U.S. Supreme Court, will easily discover the Right to Monogamy hidden in the interstices of the Commerce Clause and in the penumbras of the Second, Fourth, and Fifth Amendments, buried there long ago by our Founding Parents. I anticipate City Councils across our land will pass hate speech legislation so I and those like me will no longer be assaulted with “one-wifer!”

    I look forward to Monogamy History Month – surprisingly there were monogamists who played major roles in our nation’s storied birth and growth, although this included relatively few politicians and journalists. Monogamy Challenged parking places will facilitate my visits to Wal-Mart. I relish the thought of the educational materials to be produced by organizations funded with my tax money for kindergartners that will portray monogamy in a tender, welcoming, accepting light and provide instruction, in graphic detail, about the mechanics of monogamy. I cannot wait for “Tommy Has One Mother and One Father,” “See How Happy Sally Is With Her [One] Mommy and [One] Daddy,” and “The Illustrated Joy of Monogamous Sex.”

    Monogamy has become the love that dare not be mentioned, for some a stifling, dirty thing. But, in private, I have quietly reveled in it, glorying in the love of my one wife while keeping my mouth shut for fear of reprisal. I can no longer be silent. Now I dare … I’m here, she’s dear, get used to us.

    Guy McClung

  • Guy McClung

    thank you