[News From The Future] Martians Protest During Third Vatican Council

March 30, 2013 by  
Filed under Uncategorized, Vatican

Martians from the northern quadrant of sector 490-3t protesting.

Martians from the northern quadrant of sector 490-3t protesting.

New Calcedonia, Mars––Thousands of New Calcedonian martians from the northern quadrant of sector 490-3t protested outside New St. Peter’s today as bishops began talks on a number of heated issues including inter-species marriage and receiving communion in the pinchers. “The faithful and bishops alike are hoping to cover all the core issues that the average Catholic martian on the planet’s going through; issues such as understanding ‘the fall’ in regards to the martian race, and of course, receiving communion in the pinchers as opposed to one of the tongues,” spokesman for the Church in sectors 490-3t and 490-4t Androm’da Zmit told the press outside New St. Peter’s Square. “I have faith that our Holy Father Beeblebrox XV, together with the bishops, will be able to guide the faithful in these decisions…to help them better understand how he, she, or heshe can better telecommunicate the gospel.” One issue receiving lots of attention is that of intergalactic marriage. The question of whether humans could lawfully marry martians was first thrust into the spotlight when well known intergalactic space hockey player Xed Zardox fell in love with martian actress Trillion Pan Vogon, causing a storm of controversy. Other issues the bishops are considering are whether it’s admissible to form crop circles outside one’s own property and whether human probing is to be allowed during Lent.

  • I think I saw some of those protesters at the Chrism Mass this year… but it might have just been “Call to Action.” It is so hard to tell the difference between them and aliens, frankly.
    Fr. Wagner

    • Maggie

      The CTA group has white hair and the aliens don’t have hair.

  • Thomas

    On the upside, we can look forward to the reception of converts going through RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Aliens).

  • HV Observer

    I don’t think any Earthling in his/her/its right mind would want to marry a Vogon.

    However, as a fully prepared intergalactic hitchhiker, my towel is ready. 🙂

  • Lawrence

    Will the new Klingon translation of the Roman Missal finally be promulgated? Klingons have been living too long with an inferior translation.

  • Aristides

    I think someone has been reading a little too much of the once-increasingly inaccurately named trilogy…

  • athrunatreides

    I read somewhere that our salvation history (particularly the Fall, Original Sin, and God’s plan of redeeming us through Christ) applies to us (humans) only, suggesting that if we were to encounter other intelligent beings (if there are any), they might not be in need of salvation. If that was the case, would we be required to evangelize them? Would the Great Commission apply to them?

    • SilverMama


      Would another planet’s salvation be that of Earth?

      I meditate on C S Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia… especially the last book, “The Last Battle.”

      (One must read the entire set of the Chronicles to understand the last book. All are a very easy read.)

    • PureCatholic

      This could very well be true but cannot be verified without the knowledge of one thing……..If we sinned why would they not sin? If God created other beings why would he make them perfect? But as we can in no way certify this fact then their is no right or wrong in regards to this argument.

      • Heinz

        That’s why the previous posters have question marks after their sentences: They are not sure either.

        As I understand the fall (and I might be very wrong here), it too was a free choice. Just because mankind fell does not mean that God created all alien races to be bound to fall.

        As for C.S.Lewis and alien races that did not fall I would rather suggest Perelandra instead of Narnia, as that literally covers this topic. (First book also a light read. Second partially tedious and third is just suffering.)

  • Will

    I think that is a load of dingoes’ kidneys.

  • Panda Rosa

    And now I am reminded of the old Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In.

  • M E Wood

    You Lie Earthling! The Martians were Evangelical Protestants BEFORE we cleared the planet out of way

  • Catholic

    Do we finally have an EOT article that people won’t mistakenly think to be true and respond to by writing a bunch of over-the-top reactions in the comment box??? Just maybe???

  • Antoine-Marie Bourdon

    I thought about doing something similar two days ago to make think one of my fellow workers that the Vatican is preparing theological documents in case aliens (with conciousness) are discovered elsewhere in the Universe. But this article is not even believable. I still have some work to do.

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  • Bill Werk

    I think the Martians can do better than to marry a Catholic. Duh.