Man In Search Of Answers Closes Eyes, Flips Through Bible, Says “Stop,” “Left Page,” “Right Column”

May 27, 2013 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Bible

Bowling Green, KY––It was reported earlier this morning that 31-year-old Alvin Rush, who just hours ago left a job interview, recently sat down to pray about his future before giving up, and picking up a Bible to flip through at random for an answer. A longtime friend of Rush, Jerry Rodgers, told Eye of the Tiber that Rush had dwelt about the job for hours before finally deciding to spend some time in prayer. “Well, we knelt and prayed together, and he asked for a sign. Nothing came in the minute or so he waited for the sign, so he lost patience.” Rush also confirmed reports that no sign came in the minute or so he waited, telling Eye of the Tiber that God could do all things, and was hoping that He would turn his wooden rosary gold, or momentarily animate his statue of Mary so that it could smile or at least wink at him to confirm that he would get the job. “God didn’t give me a sign so I lost patience, I admit that,” Rush told Eye of the Tiber. “So I asked Jerry to open the Bible and to start flipping until I said stop. After I told him to stop, he asked whether I wanted the left or right page, and I chose left. Then he asked whether I wanted left or right column and I chose right. Finally, after about four seconds of him moving his finger up and down the column, I said stop.” Rush went on to say that the verse God chose to reveal His will about Rush’s job interview was Isaiah 13:15: Their children shall be dashed in pieces before their eyes: their houses shall be pillaged, and their wives shall be ravished. Rush has since confirmed that he has given up trying to make sense of the cryptic message, turning rather to St. Therese, and asking her to send him a flower within the hour as a sign. At press time, Rush was on his way to the coffee shop “next to that one flower shop to just kinda hang out for an hour or so.”

  • Duh! He needs to sell his family into slavery. Problem solved.

  • I laughed when I read it because I do this!!!
    The thing is, when I really am desperate, God does give me an answer. The rest of the time, well I think your collumn’s a ‘sign’ to pray more. Very funny blog! The arrows of Truth hurt a bit though 🙂 (I’m not really meant to do those smiley face things as I’m far too old. I think it’s the email equivalent of bald men with pony tails wearing baseball caps.)

  • Wendy

    I realize its 2 years later, but I don’t understand the purpose of the article. Nothing great happened. I don’t understand why he asked St. Teresa, she is not God. Pray and ask God to show you the answer. Then open the Bible anywhere and God will show you the answer. It has never failed me. I am not trying to be mean, God is the only way. Not a statue, or a man.

    • Heinz

      You commented 2 years later, I answer another year removed.
      The guy in the article expected a sign in a minute or hour and was growing upset that he must *do more* to get an answer from God or really from whomever if God is too slow.
      There now, did I make it funny with this explanation? 😉