New California Law Forces Parishes To Switch To E-Thuribles

August 22, 2013 by  
Filed under Politics


Sacramento, CA––A new  ban on thurible smoke will take effect in all California churches beginning in 2014 State officials are now confirming. The ban, which comes decades after a 1995 ruling that banned all smoking in enclosed workplaces in California, is set to take effect in all Catholic churches across the state. Governor Jerry Brown (D) of California told the press Thursday that he hoped the move would help pastors who consistently used incense during Mass to quit. “But in the end, we know that people have their rights, and some priests will continue to use incense, but this law is to insure the safety of our children, and those who are adversely affected by the smoke of others.” One proponent of the new law told EOTT this morning that he was happy about the changes coming. “As new parents, my wife Betty and I are extremely concerned about second-hand incense,” California resident Kevin Hardy told EOTT. “In fact, we’ve even heard how bad third-hand incense is for children, and we won’t even allow our priest friend to hold our child if he’s said Mass using incense.” The new e-Thuribles have a small button near the handle which turns on an atomizer located inside the thurible, and burns what smells like incense, but is in all actuality just vapor. E-Thurible manufacturer ‘N Sense says they are in the process of creating different thurible flavors including Cherry Slurpee, and Bubblegum Mint. At press time, Bishop Jaime Soto of Sacramento has released a statement in response to the ruling that reads in part, “What State officials don’t understand is that we in California haven’t even used a thurible in the past few decades. So who’s the suckers now?”

  • RR

    Last sentence was great. But in all seriousness, I think e-thuribles can be a good idea. Easier to use, hypo-allergenic, safer, healthier, and less damaging to paintings.

  • maryedith

    Someone at the Eye is a vaper.

  • First Bloomberg limits chalice size, and now this? This nanny state stuff has got to stop.

    • Jonathan Anderson

      I think they plan to ban religion later this year, and free thinkers in 2015.

  • Rose

    My asthmatic son when he was about 7 years old saw the incense on the altar and with genuine fear exclaimed with really stress, “Oh, NO, holy smoke!” (Yes there was an element of humor for us but I quickly thought not so funny for him and any other asthmatic or COPD sufferer… Since that day, I realized how awful it was for him, often taking hits of his asthma meds afterwards. Incense and perfumes too should be off limits so all people could worship freely. I often have wondered if any would-be priests were deterred due to this ritual…Needless to say, he avoids church crowds, as any others for both those reasons. Sad.

  • Kathleen Hardy

    As a person who has developed a severe but very rare sensitivity to sulfur, which is also used in Church incense I have to say that this new law is the DUMBEST THING that I have heard recently!!!
    For nearly 2000 years Roman Catholics, Eastern Orthodox and other Christians have used incense in HIgh Masses, Benediction, Funerals etc. without any apparent harm to children or adults from “second hand smoke from incense”. All of a sudden its dangerous for everybody? What nonsense! While, sadly, I no longer can attend these services because of my rare problem, others shouldn’t be denied the wonderful experience of incense in a beautiful church. I particularly hold dear my memories of the sight and smell of the incense at Benediction. Like every other action in the Catholic Mass incense has very strong religious conations.
    Once again we see our magnificent ancient traditions gleefully being destroyed by people who should know better, such as Governor Brown who was a Jesuit Seminarian in the 1950’s.

    • CalebKuester

      Fake news site alert! Eye of the Tiber is an awesome, though siraticle site for Catholic Current Events.

      This story has no basis in reality.

  • Jamey B Goode

    Bloomberg tells churches to post communion calorie count in weekly church bulletins.

  • Jamey B Goode

    Bloomberg orders 50% reduction in church bell sizes to reduce noise pollution.

  • Jamey B Goode

    Due to cutbacks many churches unplugging their organs and switching to unaccompanied Gregorian Chant to save money.

    • David Waddington Fgms

      for some churches that could make a massive improvement!!!!

    • David Gerard Smith

      From your keyboard to God’s screen.

  • Alison

    Loved the article, but that last sentence really took it over the top! 🙂

  • Micha Elyi

    Don’t tell Bishop Jaime Soto but there’s at least two parishes in his diocese that’s used a thurible this year. And will again. What’s the second parish, the one that’s not St. Stephen Protomartyr the Sacramento, CA FSSP parish? That’s for us to know and for you all to find out. Bwahahahaha!!

  • Can someone please explain to me what “second hand incense” and “third hand incense” is? Did this story come out of the Onion?

    • Loved As If

      It is satire.

  • Jonathan Anderson

    They “won’t even allow our priest friend to hold our child if he’s said Mass using incense.” I wouldn’t even allow a priest to hold my child… period.

    • Frangelina

      It’s time to put away grievances to a small percentage of motley crew of priests and stop trashing the majority of priests. The majority of priests are good men who would never hurt anyone, let alone a child.

  • Michael Leggett

    I guess that Flatulence From Politicians is OK though

  • Charles Burns

    Well, “third hand smoke” is the absurd myth that smoke and all its horrible poisons hides in pillows and clothing of smokers, and will so harm the little children. Actually, even the danger of “second hand” smoke is a lie. Me, my parents and all our friends smoked and inhaled incense constantly, I still smoke and am 85 yrs old. My brother died as soon as he quit. All rubbish.

    • I agree with you…in the 1960’s, they said on tv that they were going to get everyone to stop smoking…the interviewer asked how you going to do that….the woman answered. .we will use psychological means. Now I am 79, and have smoked for over 60 years and my husband gave it up for over 20 years…and he died from pneumonia. And I love the incense and even use it at home when doing my prayers.

  • Linda

    I agree. I am always worried about that third-hand smoke. Its so incense-itive! 😛

  • Marie Van Gompel Alsbergas

    Nov 13, 2014 – At least 41 states and 1 territory currently prohibit sales of electronic cigarettes or vaping/alternative tobacco products to minors.

    Of course this means that altar servers must be adults to handle the e-thurible and its components. Also, since men are more likely to be comfortable using the electronic alternative products, this may result in a decrease of altar girls in many parishes!

  • Joseph Lupo

    Make sure ALL windows are open and have the fan running on the air conditioner so that the air is circulating at all times. How long and much in the whole Mass is the incense used? Especially the N.O. Mass 5 minutes total.
    I can see2 the Tridentine Sung or High Mass.

  • steve6904

    Actually, the USCCB is requiring an option for “gluten free” smoke.

    There’s only 0.001% actual holy ghost in it, but it still passes the rigors of the pre-Apostolic philosophisms that underpin most of the Catholic hocus pocus passed off as “christianity” these days.

    As long as a female doesn’t touch anything, it’s “licit”.

    As for BP Jaime Soto, after his ringing written apologia to the court on behalf of fellow classmate and convicted pedo-priest Andrew “Chris” Anderson, who is giving any weight to his utterances?

  • Linda

    The rest of the world laughs their asses off at how rediculous California is now on over-doing just about anything they can find a way to tax and raise the prices on. It’s your own damn fault California!! Where did you think you were going to get by legalizing MJ for a $100. Prescription some unethical old or bad doctors will write for anybody with the cash!!? It’s like legalizing drugs for the total California losers who now are even less ambitious! Now you have 60% of your stupid state I’ll bet on disability being supported by the rest of the country and not enough income being made to pay for anything!! You need to repeal this crap and make these lazy dope smoking idiots get jobs. Do what Colorado did!! Legalize smaller amounts and end the disability prescription drug business!! Who in the hell is passing these rediculous laws, Actors??

  • Linda

    It infuriates me to see them picking on the damn Catholic Church also, still squeezing any extra hardship or cost to try to get more money!! Everything about California is nuts, except maybe way way way north! Why don’t you finally impose your death penalty to make room for the next batch of murderous gang losers? Your cops are underhanded as I’ve seen it myself! Saw a cop lighting up a joint once, In Uniform driving a squad car!! What in the hell do you think a little incense is going to cause while more than half your state is blowing legal hemp smoke paid for by us other tax payers?? You don’t even have enough workers to support your own mistakes! Repeal your stupid mistakes before it’s too late! Even your high paid Actors who use to live there and pay hefty taxes have moved. Hollywood is a dump, home prices for little dumps are nuts, everything is over-taxed.. Lost its glitter and glam back in the 80’s.. I was shocked when I first went back then..

  • William of Orange

    Electronic thuribles can KILL!! This is a bad idea. Sure, there are hundreds of great smells…Apple Pie Prayers, Intercessory Custard, Lemon Liturgy, but it’s all death. All those parishioners run the risk of getting popcorn lung.