New California Law Forces Parishes To Switch To E-Thuribles

August 22, 2013 by  
Filed under Politics

Thurible

Sacramento, CA––A new  ban on thurible smoke will take effect in all California churches beginning in 2014 State officials are now confirming. The ban, which comes decades after a 1995 ruling that banned all smoking in enclosed workplaces in California, is set to take effect in all Catholic churches across the state. Governor Jerry Brown (D) of California told the press Thursday that he hoped the move would help pastors who consistently used incense during Mass to quit. “But in the end, we know that people have their rights, and some priests will continue to use incense, but this law is to insure the safety of our children, and those who are adversely affected by the smoke of others.” One proponent of the new law told EOTT this morning that he was happy about the changes coming. “As new parents, my wife Betty and I are extremely concerned about second-hand incense,” California resident Kevin Hardy told EOTT. “In fact, we’ve even heard how bad third-hand incense is for children, and we won’t even allow our priest friend to hold our child if he’s said Mass using incense.” The new e-Thuribles have a small button near the handle which turns on an atomizer located inside the thurible, and burns what smells like incense, but is in all actuality just vapor. E-Thurible manufacturer ‘N Sense says they are in the process of creating different thurible flavors including Cherry Slurpee, and Bubblegum Mint. At press time, Bishop Jaime Soto of Sacramento has released a statement in response to the ruling that reads in part, “What State officials don’t understand is that we in California haven’t even used a thurible in the past few decades. So who’s the suckers now?”