New California Law Forces Parishes To Switch To E-Thuribles

August 22, 2013 by  
Filed under Political

Thurible

Sacramento, CA––A new  ban on thurible smoke will take effect in all California churches beginning in 2014 State officials are now confirming. The ban, which comes decades after a 1995 ruling that banned all smoking in enclosed workplaces in California, is set to take effect in all Catholic churches across the state. Governor Jerry Brown (D) of California told the press Thursday that he hoped the move would help pastors who consistently used incense during Mass to quit. “But in the end, we know that people have their rights, and some priests will continue to use incense, but this law is to insure the safety of our children, and those who are adversely affected by the smoke of others.” One proponent of the new law told EOTT this morning that he was happy about the changes coming. “As new parents, my wife Betty and I are extremely concerned about second-hand incense,” California resident Kevin Hardy told EOTT. “In fact, we’ve even heard how bad third-hand incense is for children, and we won’t even allow our priest friend to hold our child if he’s said Mass using incense.” The new e-Thuribles have a small button near the handle which turns on an atomizer located inside the thurible, and burns what smells like incense, but is in all actuality just vapor. E-Thurible manufacturer ‘N Sense says they are in the process of creating different thurible flavors including Cherry Slurpee, and Bubblegum Mint. At press time, Bishop Jaime Soto of Sacramento has released a statement in response to the ruling that reads in part, “What State officials don’t understand is that we in California haven’t even used a thurible in the past few decades. So who’s the suckers now?”

  • RR

    Last sentence was great. But in all seriousness, I think e-thuribles can be a good idea. Easier to use, hypo-allergenic, safer, healthier, and less damaging to paintings.

  • maryedith

    Someone at the Eye is a vaper.

  • http://www.twitter.com/mattswaim M. Swaim

    First Bloomberg limits chalice size, and now this? This nanny state stuff has got to stop.

    • Jonathan Anderson

      I think they plan to ban religion later this year, and free thinkers in 2015.

  • Rose

    My asthmatic son when he was about 7 years old saw the incense on the altar and with genuine fear exclaimed with really stress, “Oh, NO, holy smoke!” (Yes there was an element of humor for us but I quickly thought not so funny for him and any other asthmatic or COPD sufferer… Since that day, I realized how awful it was for him, often taking hits of his asthma meds afterwards. Incense and perfumes too should be off limits so all people could worship freely. I often have wondered if any would-be priests were deterred due to this ritual…Needless to say, he avoids church crowds, as any others for both those reasons. Sad.

  • Kathleen Hardy

    As a person who has developed a severe but very rare sensitivity to sulfur, which is also used in Church incense I have to say that this new law is the DUMBEST THING that I have heard recently!!!
    For nearly 2000 years Roman Catholics, Eastern Orthodox and other Christians have used incense in HIgh Masses, Benediction, Funerals etc. without any apparent harm to children or adults from “second hand smoke from incense”. All of a sudden its dangerous for everybody? What nonsense! While, sadly, I no longer can attend these services because of my rare problem, others shouldn’t be denied the wonderful experience of incense in a beautiful church. I particularly hold dear my memories of the sight and smell of the incense at Benediction. Like every other action in the Catholic Mass incense has very strong religious conations.
    Once again we see our magnificent ancient traditions gleefully being destroyed by people who should know better, such as Governor Brown who was a Jesuit Seminarian in the 1950′s.

    • CalebKuester

      Fake news site alert! Eye of the Tiber is an awesome, though siraticle site for Catholic Current Events.

      This story has no basis in reality.

  • Jamey B Goode

    Bloomberg tells churches to post communion calorie count in weekly church bulletins.

  • Jamey B Goode

    Bloomberg orders 50% reduction in church bell sizes to reduce noise pollution.

  • Jamey B Goode

    Due to cutbacks many churches unplugging their organs and switching to unaccompanied Gregorian Chant to save money.

  • Alison

    Loved the article, but that last sentence really took it over the top! :)

  • Micha Elyi

    Don’t tell Bishop Jaime Soto but there’s at least two parishes in his diocese that’s used a thurible this year. And will again. What’s the second parish, the one that’s not St. Stephen Protomartyr the Sacramento, CA FSSP parish? That’s for us to know and for you all to find out. Bwahahahaha!!

  • https://twitter.com/HeroSieve HeroSieve

    Can someone please explain to me what “second hand incense” and “third hand incense” is? Did this story come out of the Onion?

  • Jonathan Anderson

    They “won’t even allow our priest friend to hold our child if he’s said Mass using incense.” I wouldn’t even allow a priest to hold my child… period.

    • Frangelina

      It’s time to put away grievances to a small percentage of motley crew of priests and stop trashing the majority of priests. The majority of priests are good men who would never hurt anyone, let alone a child.

  • Michael Leggett

    I guess that Flatulence From Politicians is OK though

  • Charles Burns

    Well, “third hand smoke” is the absurd myth that smoke and all its horrible poisons hides in pillows and clothing of smokers, and will so harm the little children. Actually, even the danger of “second hand” smoke is a lie. Me, my parents and all our friends smoked and inhaled incense constantly, I still smoke and am 85 yrs old. My brother died as soon as he quit. All rubbish.

  • Linda

    I agree. I am always worried about that third-hand smoke. Its so incense-itive! :P