Android Priests Being Developed To Help Say Mass, Hear Confessions

Prototype clergydroid Fr. SRT4-11392 celebrating its first wedding ceremony.

Vatican––The Vatican has confirmed reports today that an agreement has been reached with the International Federation of Robotics (IFR) to begin development of what they are calling “Clergydroids.” The news comes as relief to many seminary directors around the world that have seen their numbers plummet in the past few decades. “With so little priests and so many Catholics, this is going to help assure that every parish not only has a pastor of their own, but also an associate pastor,” Father Tobi Riland told the press earlier this morning. “I  have had the pleasure of having a prototype absolve me of my sins. I’ll tell you one thing…he didn’t…excuse me, it didn’t forget the words of absolution!” One Vatican official, Monsignor Phillip Rudolph, who spearheaded the negotiations, told EOTT that “when you see those big, blue glowing eyes peering through the confessional grill at you, it feels as though they’re burning right through you. Seriously though…they freaking burn. Look at this burn mark on my throat. It’s a malfunction in the prototype that the IFR promise to resolve before their final launch next May.” Another issue with of the clergydroid prototype Fr. SRT4-11392 includes a recent frying of some of its mechanisms and kinematics after an altar boy attempted to pour water on the clergydroid’s titanium fingers. Witnesses say that Fr. SRT4-11392’s final words before catching fire were, “Lord, wash away my iniqui…iniqui…iniqui…iniqui. Oh, no…just when I was learning to love.”