Report: Priest Doing That Stupid Thing Where He Walks Up And Down Aisle During Homily

April 21, 2016 by  
Filed under Mass

Image: ChipSomodevilla/Getty Images Europe

Image: ChipSomodevilla/Getty Images Europe Being asked about how their weekends were going, parishioners at St. Luke Parish announced Sunday that Fr. Todd Bunnell is, yet again, leaving the podium and making his way down to the aisle to preach the homily. According to reports, he’s doing that Protestant thing where he walks up and down the aisle, trying to get people excited and more engaged in the Mass. “I see what he’s trying to accomplish,”... Read More

Church Packed As Fr. Bieber Says First Mass At Our Lady Of Perpetual Crunches

March 31, 2016 by  
Filed under Mass

Image: AdamSundana

Image: AdamSundana Fr. Justin Bieber cleansed his soul and the souls of thousands of concertgoers turned parishioners over the weekend after turning his concert into a vigil Mass. The 20-year-old singer and newly ordained Jesuit, who is currently on probation for blessing a photographer in the face, was pictured presiding over Mass Saturday evening in San Diego, where he asked those in the crowd how their day was going, before welcoming them, saying, “The... Read More

Outrage After Man Butchers Beloved Liturgy In Zimbabwe

August 3, 2015 by  
Filed under Mass

A priest arrested in the butchering of a beloved Mass in Zimbabwe was released Wednesday by an ecclesiastical court on $1,000 bail. Fr. Theo Braxton, a professional Mass butcher since the 1960’s, said through his attorney that he was innocent of ruining a Mass in Zimbabwe, after he was asked to cover for a sick priest while vacation in the southern part of Africa. Church officials in Zimbabwe said Friday that killing the beloved Mass could bring a sentence... Read More

Parishioner Believes She Might Have Just Understood A Word Visiting Nigerian Priest Said During Homily

May 22, 2015 by  
Filed under Mass

Claiming that she was almost certain she had comprehend a word the new visiting Nigerian priest used during the homily, longtime parishioner Abby Longworth excitedly turned to friends and fellow parishioners today to inform them of the good news. “I wouldn’t put my life on it, but I think he said ‘magisterium,’” Longworth whispered to parishioners, adding that she thinks he may have also used the word “obedient,” which, if her assumption... Read More

Study Finds That Tripping Over Vestments And Falling On Face During Mass Sucks A Lot

May 19, 2015 by  
Filed under Mass

According to a new study by the USCCB, tripping over your vestments while walking to the altar before falling face first in front of everyone you just passive-aggressively burned during the homily for not donating enough sucks big time. “Of the priests that we studied, almost all of them showed signs suggesting that gracefully ascending the steps to the altar as planned is much better than getting your feet caught in your vestments, then stumbling for... Read More

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