EWTN Acquires Holy See

July 17, 2014 by  
Filed under Vatican

Irondale, AL–EWTN Global Catholic Network announced today that it has acquired the Vatican-based Holy See.

“EWTN has been a partner with the Holy See for many years, and I am very pleased and excited that this highly respected organization will become a part of the EWTN family of services,” said Network chairman Michael P. Warsaw. “Since its founding two-thousand years ago, the Vatican has proven itself to be a valuable source for all things Catholic.”

Under the terms of the agreement, no cash will be exchanged between the parties, and EWTN will assume control of all ongoing activities of the Vatican. Host of The World Over Raymond Arroyo is expected to be named new head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.

“Among other impressive accomplishments, the Vatican is the world’s largest charitable organization in the world,” Arroyo said. “It was founded in 33 A.D. and it’s been expanding ever since. I truly believe that this union is a match made in Heaven.”

Though the Holy See has long been a player in religion, it has struggled of late with many financial issues. But many analysts are saying that with EWTN’s power and influence now backing the Holy See, it should really start becoming a real contender again.

  • Mara319

    Oh good.
    1. First thing EWTN should do, re: Pope Francis – (John 21:18)”… but when you shall be old, you shall stretch forth your hands, and another shall dress you, and carry you where you would not.”
    2. Carry him to the original papal palace apartment and confine him inside the former Benedict XVI library. Incommunicado. No hot-line telephones to Argentina. Away from Scalfari, Spadaro, twitters and selfies.
    3. Pipe in 1970 music by St. Louis Jesuits Dan Schutte, “Here I am I Lord,” “Table of Plenty,” “City of God,” – all in Buenos Aires Spanish translations.
    4. Serve him only Filipino food.
    5. Grant Fr. Lombardi 1000-days indulgence for all the troubles he’s been through.

    • Mark Thorne

      Re. your point 2 – also, red noses. Please Pope Francis, no more red noses!

    • Dan Li

      Oi! Is there an implication that something’s wrong with Filipino food? As long as you don’t serve him Balut, (or anything with arachnids/insects, or dogs) it should he be fine, right?

      • cececole

        Yum! Filipino food! I want my adobo pork now! (definately skip the balut though).

        • Manuel Ramon Escasa

          Balot is God’s gift to mankind. And that’s the truth!

  • nosungal .

    Finally! We knew it was only a matter of time.

  • Wendell Clanton

    Dang. I was hoping Salt+Light TV would acquire “The See”.

    • Marie Van Gompel Alsbergas

      NOOOOO!!! We don’t need any more of Fr. (Oh, now, what was his name again?) ROSICA than we already have!

  • Thomas J. Ryan

    George Weigel to replace Fr. Lombardi?

  • glool!!!

  • Oh, praise GOD….no more Catholic Answers pledge drives!

  • Wait….Mark Shea won’t have to wear a cassock, will he?

  • Teresa B.

    Pope Joan?

  • PureCatholic

    Yay!!!! they will finally bring back Fr. Corapi !!!!!!!!

    • fredx2

      As Pope.

      • PureCatholic

        No……..AS GOD!!!!!!!!!

  • Gail Finke

    “Since its founding two-thousand years ago, the Vatican has proven itself to be a valuable source for all things Catholic.” HA HA HA!!!

  • Marie Van Gompel Alsbergas

    Hmm, maybe fast-track Vince Lombardi to Sainthood, to make it official here in Packerland? Sports will boost the ratings!

  • Michael Leggett

    Next, EWTN acquires ChurchMilitant.com & Michael Voris won”t be able to criticize ANYBODY.